HAPPY 29TH BIRTHDAY TO OUR LOVELY CHENCHEN!!

As per usual, we celebrate this wonderful occasion with a double update!

And what’s even more special is that today is also Chuseok!

So Happy Autumn to you, dearest Jongdae, and everyone else who celebrates this holiday or an equivalent version of it!

I hope you’re at home, enjoying precious family time with your loved ones, and getting to relax on your well-deserved break from military service.

Speaking of which, wow, it’s been almost a year since you enlisted in the military and became a civilian… It simultaneously feels like a lifetime ago when we sent you off with a smile, but also like no time has passed at all when I think about how you’ll be back in a little over half a year…

There is no SNS absence to feel, but perhaps I feel your musical absence even more than most do because the last time I heard your voice on a new release was your second collab with Dynamic Duo back in January 2020.

I know. I’m probably the only Chen stan who hasn’t listened to Hello yet.

But I honestly couldn’t do it. It was too close to the anniversary of when I met him and knowing that he was going to be gone for 18 months, even though I had wanted him to enlist far before then…

I knew I would break down if I watched that video and listened to that song. Especially knowing that it doubled as Goodbye.

When he enlisted, I could not stop the tears from flowing down my face as I looped Good Night, My Dear, and Beautiful Goodbye over and over again.

When I saw the customary EXO group photo with his bald head, I bawled like a baby.

If I had Hello on that rotation as well, I don’t think I would have ever been able to separate it from the overwhelming sadness I felt during that time.

So I knew I wasn’t emotionally strong enough to press play when the song was released. I’ve left it queued up on my computer ever since it was released. It just sits there, lost in my sea of tabs on my computer, to serve as a reminder that I will need to listen to it one day.

And I will. When he returns in April, it will be the Hello to the Beautiful Goodbye he gifted us two years ago. And I think I’ll be okay then.

I will cry. I will sob. I will break down when I finally see and hear him again.

But it will be the one of greatest birthday gifts I could ever receive, especially after a year filled with so many personal hardships.

Your music has always been a huge source of comfort for me, Jongdae.

Your voice has never failed to keep me company during my early mornings and late nights.

The memory of your presence has kept me afloat whenever I feel myself spiraling and I am eternally grateful for you.

It’s been a difficult year without you, but it sets me at ease to know that you are living peacefully out of the public eye right now. To know that you are eating and sleeping well. To know that you will return to us healthier and happier as you begin a new chapter of life.

And when you finally return, we will welcome you back with open arms and the brightest of smiles.

Just like yours.

THANK YOU FOR BEING SUCH A COMFORTING PRESENCE THROUGH YOUR BEAUTIFUL VOICE.

THANK YOU FOR KEEPING ME ANCHORED AND STEADY WHEN I NEED IT MOST.

THANK YOU FOR ALWAYS MAKING MY DREAMS PEACEFUL AND HAPPY.

THANK YOU FOR BEING A STAR, CHEN OF EXO.

THANK YOU FOR BEING A STAR, KIM JONGDAE.