pairing: ChenLay
length: 2002 words

“You still up?”

Lay swung his head around and spotted Chen standing by the doorway, looking curiously at the messy spread of slightly crumpled pages in front of the Chinese male. A loud yawn escaped Lay’s thin lips as he nodded, blearily rubbing his eyes. “Why haven’t you gone to bed yet?”

“That’s what I’m asking you,” Chen playfully replied as he walked into the practice room and sat cross-legged next to his group member. “It’s way past midnight and you’re still here, even though we have an early morning schedule tomorrow,” he reminded the Chinese male, who groaned as his shoulders slumped forward.

“I know, but­—” Lay abruptly cut himself off before groaning again and tipping his body backwards this time, falling flat on his back.

Chen cocked his head to the right as his curious gaze duly following the taller male’s movements. After several seconds, seeing that Lay had no intention of sitting back up, Chen carefully lowered himself so that they were laying side-by-side on the wooden floor. “Is everything okay?” he softly asked, slightly shifting his body so that he could look at the side profile of the other male’s angular face.

Lay covered his eyes with the back of his right hand and let out a deep sigh in response.

Another handful of minutes passed in complete silence afterwards, save for the barely audible sound of the two idols’ matched breathing. Chen kept his gaze trained on the other male’s still form, resisting the urge to reach out and rest a hand on his shoulder, knowing that Lay would only shrink away from the unsolicited contact.

But then, cold fingers suddenly gripped the edge of Chen’s shirt sleeve and the two males were face-to-face as Lay looked back at him with a sad smile painted on his thin face. There were dark circles under his eyes and his cheekbones were more defined than usual from skipping meals recently, which hadn’t gone unnoticed by Chen.

“Lay...”

The Chinese idol then closed the gap between them and pulled Chen in for a tight hug, burying his face against the smaller male’s chest.

Chen tenderly ran his fingers through Lay’s soft hair and held him close, keeping both arms securely wrapped around him.

Even more time ticked by without any words exchanged between the two idols. By this time, Chen’s eyes had closed and he mindlessly continued the older male’s hair, matching his movements in time with their somewhat steady breaths. Every time Lay’s internal rhythm seemed to go off-kilter, Chen wordlessly hugged him even tighter and guided his breathing back to match his.

It wasn’t until Lay quietly asked, “Do you…think I’m a…a traitor?” that Chen opened his eyes and the Korean idol’s heart immediately sunk in his chest upon understanding the hidden meaning behind the charged question.

“Of course not,” Chen answered, gently yet firmly. “I know you aren’t.”

Lay let out a hollow laugh as his grip on the smaller male’s shirt tightened. “Sorry, you’re right. It was… It was a dumb question…”

“No, it wasn’t,” Chen rebutted, shifting his arm so that he could easily tip Lay’s chin up and look directly into the older male’s dark brown eyes. They were worryingly void of emotion, even though the rest of his body language suggested otherwise. “You never ask dumb questions.”

“Thanks, Chen, but—”

“Seriously,” the Korean male interrupted before Lay could put himself down again. “I know why you asked that question and your reason for wondering isn’t dumb or illogical.” Both Chen’s gaze and vocal tone softened as he added, “It’s been…stressful, to say the least. And you’ve had to bear the brunt of it all. If I were you, I’d honestly be wondering the same thing.”

“Yeah…” Lay then released his hold on Chen’s shirt, causing the shorter male to remove his hand from his group member’s face, before sitting up and leaning towards the pile of lined paper that he had been scribbling on before. “I… I wanted to write a song…for our fans…” the Chinese male softly explained as he scooped up all of the loose pages from the floor. “I composed a melody the other day that I think will work, but…I’m struggling with the lyrics…” Lay let out a long sigh as he stared down at the half crumpled, marked up pages in his arms. “There’s… There’s just a lot I want to say, but…”

“It’s hard to condense it all into a four-minute song,” Chen quietly finished for him with an understanding nod.

There was another stretch of silence as Lay gazed at the ground, shoulders tensing up again. “It’s just…I—I don’t know if anyone will even want to hear this song…” the Chinese male somberly explained before letting out another pained chuckle. “Will our fans even…accept a message like this after…after everything that’s happened?”

Chen bit his bottom lip as he tried to search for the words to comfort his fellow group member. But…he was admittedly at a loss at what to say as well. After all, the sudden departures had shaken everyone to their core. With their sub-unit now cut in half, it was difficult to see any way forward in their future, knowing that they had always been overlooked in favor of their Korean counterpart.

He and Xiumin had already struggled with feeling like outsiders in a group meant for a foreign market, singing in a foreign language, and engaging in a foreign culture that they hadn’t necessarily chosen of their own free will. And with their job security now severely compromised, it was easy to feel envious of the others who had been lucky enough to be chosen for domestic promotions.

However, that couldn’t compare to the immense amount of pressure Lay was currently feeling. The weight of their entire fandom’s expectations, of the general public’s predictions, regarding his loyalty to the group had fallen on his shoulders. So many wanted him to falter, if only to prove a sick and twisted point that it was only a matter of time before he also betrayed them for his own gain.

But Chen knew that wasn’t the case. He knew that would never be the case.

He and Lay had spent countless nights relaying their goals and hopes, their fears and struggles, and their plans for the future to each other in their shared bedroom.

He and Lay had comforted each other as the group had gradually lost more members every few months, further fracturing what once had been whole.

He and Lay had made promises to each other, to the rest of their remaining members, that they would never abandon the group, ‘til kingdom come.

Through rain or shine, through thick and thin, they would be together, standing on stage and performing their hearts out for the world to see.

And Chen wanted the world to know that. He wanted the world to understand that they had made a promise, not only to themselves, but to everyone else that they would never let the group go. That they would continue to create miracles, set records, and bring happiness not only to themselves but to those who rooted for their success and allowed them to make their dreams a reality.

So, before he could change his mind on the matter, Chen took a deep breath and spoke. “Would you be okay with me writing this with you?”

At that, Lay’s head immediately snapped back up and his mouth dropped open.

“I—I don’t want to overstep since I know this is your brainchild,” the Korean male slightly backtracked with a sheepish expression, “but…I do have some ideas and…” Chen’s smile widened as he placed a hand over Lay’s. “I’ve always wanted to write a song with you.”

Lay’s hand shifted under Chen’s so that he could interlock their fingers together as he smiled back and nodded. “You know I’d never say no to you. It would be the greatest honor to write this with you, Chen.”

--

Over the next month, the two roommates spent every night either in one of the company practice rooms or their shared bedroom, constantly looping the melody that Lay had composed as they filled pages and pages with lyrics that spoke of their promise to their fans, to their group, and to each other.

Chen usually had a Korean-to-Chinese dictionary next to him, since they were penning the song in Chinese first. It was difficult to properly form his thoughts in a foreign language, that Chen would admit, but he refused to give up after promising to help Lay write the most meaningful song of their career yet. Luckily, Lay was always there to help fix any awkward phrasing or incorrect vocabulary, and Chen’s ideas would often set off a domino effect that allowed the Chinese male to come up with a line that perfectly conveyed the sentiments both idols shared.

On occasion, Baekhyun and Chanyeol also joined them, especially when it came to writing the Korean version of the song and the tallest member’s rap verse in both languages.

And throughout the entire process, Chen realized how much he loved expressing his thoughts through beautiful lyrics that he himself had penned on paper. It was like a puzzle, fitting everything within the constraints of the melodies that played in their ears like clockwork. An admittedly challenging puzzle, but a fun one nonetheless.

Even amidst the exhaustion of juggling their numerous and strenuous idol activities, flying all around the continent, and practicing for their upcoming comeback, Chen loved nothing more than opening his worn-out notebook and sitting side-by-side next to Lay as they continued penning their everlasting promise.

When it finally came time for the two of them to distribute the parts, Chen knew which verse he wanted to sing the most, because it was the purest line he had written, just for Lay.

And when Lay stared at him in awe in the recording studio as the main vocalist belted out that grandiose high note at the end of the bridge, Chen knew that everything up to this point had been worth it. All of the sleepless nights, all of the crumpled of pages, all of the pain from the past year had been worth it to see those shining eyes in that moment.

--

“I got the final mix!” Lay cheered as he burst into the practice room, waving a red USB stick in the air. “It’s finally done!”

Without a moment’s hesitation, Chen stood up and dashed across the room to meet his group member in the middle. The two idols immediately hugged and danced around in a circle, letting out raucous cheers in the fortuitously-soundproof room.

“C’mon, let’s listen to it!” Lay proposed after they separated and he beckoned the smaller male to the side of the room, where he plugged his laptop into the wall. The pair sat cross-legged on the wooden floor as the Chinese male booted up his laptop and inserted the USB into the machine.

They waited with bated breath as the music player application loaded up and the moment the first piano key played, Chen instantly melted as the background strings carried him to an ethereal plane where nothing else existed except for the familiar and comforting voices of the eight people that mattered most to him.

And when he looked to Lay, who had happy tears streaming down his defined cheeks, Chen’s heart ballooned with so much affection and pride for his roommate.

♪ As long as you are happy, and blessed, I am willing
To give everything to you ♪

Slender fingers wrapped around his as the last notes faded away into the atmosphere.

This…felt like home.

Lay gazed at him and leaned forward, smiling like the moon, bathed in white light. “I promise I’ll never leave you.”

Chen smiled back as he leaned forward, gently touching foreheads with Lay. “I know you won’t.”

And I promise I’ll never leave you either.

I promise you.

♈♈♈