pairing: BaekLay
length: 3016 words
A/N: Written at the request of wanda22! Hope you like it!
Part One: Don't Recall

Day after day, Baekhyun diligently waited by Yixing’s bedside and helped him recover his memories. Day after day, he reintroduced himself to his best friend and guided him down memory lane.

It never got any easier, seeing Yixing wake up and look at him questioningly, wondering out loud why a stranger was in the hospital room with him. It never got any easier, especially on days when Yixing was too mentally weak to handle the barrage of intense memories and opted to cry all day instead while also refusing Baekhyun’s soothing touch. After all, on those days, Byun Baekhyun was only a stranger. There was no reason for him to be so close.

Those were the days that cut through Baekhyun like a searing knife, ripping his insides to shreds. Ripping his heart to shreds.

Luckily, most days ended with Yixing regaining his memories for the day and the two best friends doing fun activities together to pass the time, basking in each other’s presence, before it would all reset the next morning. Those were the days that left Baekhyun feeling warm and fuzzy inside, his heart happily full.

One afternoon, as they were quietly painting on mini canvases that Baekhyun had bought the previous weekend, a sharp knock sounded on the door. “Come in,” the Korean male called over his shoulder.

In stepped a tall, lanky male wearing a white lab coat over his gray button-up shirt and black slacks. A clipboard rested in the crook of his left elbow as he used his right hand to wave to the pair. “Hello, Yixing, Baekhyun. How are you feeling?” he asked, directing the question to the Chinese male, who looked at him curiously.

“Hello, Dr. Oh,” Baekhyun answered, setting down his paintbrush and then lightly touching Yixing’s arm. His best friend swiveled towards him, confusion written all over his features, and silently asked what was happening. “You’ll have to introduce yourself again, I’m afraid. Yixing never properly wrote about you in his notebook.”

“That’s quite alright,” the tall doctor said genially. He drew up a chair to the table and sat on the other side of Yixing, placing the clipboard in his lap before offering a hand to the Chinese male. “I’m Dr. Oh Sehun. You’ve been under my care since you first came to the hospital around nine months ago.”

Yixing slowly took the proffered hand and shook it. “Thank you,” he quietly said. “Um, is there a reason why I haven’t written about you even once in the past nine months? I feel like that’s a detail that I would’ve deemed important to include.”

“Ah, well, when I was around the most, you were unconscious and barely recovering from the accident. Once Baekhyun and I discovered the trigger phrase, we decided it would be better to leave him in charge of caring for you so that your brain wouldn’t overload with too much foreign information. I usually come around in the mornings while you’re asleep to check in on you. And Baekhyun does a fantastic job of keeping me in the loop, so I’ve been using most of this time to research solutions on how to fix your condition.”

Now that piqued Yixing’s interest. “Is—is there a way to restore my memory? Permanently?”

Baekhyun also looked at the tall doctor with eyes shining, a mixture of anticipation and apprehension.

Dr. Oh reached for the clipboard that was resting in his lap and set it on top of the table in front of Yixing. “Well, that’s actually why I’m here now. I’ve been enlisting the help of several associates of mine who’ve done extensive research in this field of trauma and we think that we’ve finally come up with a way to overcome the memory blocks, which should allow your brain to access prior memories and retain new ones, as it should.”

Yixing leaned back to his seat, a barely audible “Wow” leaving his lips, as he envisioned waking up as Zhang Yixing again instead of a nameless being with no identity. Not that he actually remembered waking up without any memories, but the knowledge that it happened every day had been enough to take a heavy toll on his psyche. And now, this bit of knowledge from Dr. Oh was enough to light a spark of hope within him and his weak body was suddenly filled with vigor.

Baekhyun reached over to give his best friend’s knee a light squeeze under the table and his gaze mirrored the excitement in the Chinese male’s eyes. “What’s the solution then?”

The doctor animatedly began describing how Yixing’s trigger phase would be constantly repeated while he underwent neurosurgery. Baekhyun didn’t quite understand all of the medical jargon being used, but he could infer enough to reach the same conclusion that Dr. Oh and his associates had while designing the protocol. And it was absolutely revolutionary.

By the end of Dr. Oh’s spiel, both best friends were grinning widely at each other and Yixing felt his heart race with excitement at the prospect of being able to live a normal life once more.

More specifically, to live a normal life with Baekhyun once more.

“However, there is something I have to admit before you agree to this.”

Baekhyun narrowed his eyes.

“Well, because we haven’t been able to run enough human trials, the success rate isn’t…quite up to one hundred percent yet,” the doctor somberly confessed. “Not that any treatment is ever one hundred percent, since the human body works differently for each individual. But there is a relatively high risk that this treatment could fail and if it does, your memory could be in danger of getting completely wiped.”

Baekhyun exhaled sharply.

“What is the chance of success versus the chance the failure?” Yixing calmly asked, doing his utmost best to not belie how rapidly his heart was beating within his chest.

Baekhyun clenched his hands into fists by his sides.

There was a moment of hesitance from Dr. Oh, which neither of the pair failed to notice, before he answered, “It’s around fifty-fifty right now, with the current amount of data that we have. However, as I mentioned earlier, in the case of failure, your brain is highly likely to suffer permanent memory loss and possible tissue death.”

Silence blanketed the room as the doctor’s words sunk in.

Baekhyun felt as if there were icy claws wrapped around his neck, around his chest, choking and squeezing him until there was no breath left within him. He briefly screwed his eyes shut, not wanting to imagine such a horrific result.

“You don’t have to decide right away. And I completely understand if you decide to reject the proposal,” Dr. Oh said kindly, his gaze switching every few seconds between Yixing and Baekhyun. “I know how important it is that you recover your memory, so that’s why I came to you with this offer, even though it isn’t…perfect.” He looked at them apologetically. “I’ll give you as much time as you need to think about this and once you’ve made your choice, you can ring me and let me know.”

“What happens if I reject it?” the Chinese male quietly asked.

Dr. Oh sent him a sad half-smile. “To be honest, I don’t know. It could take years before a solid treatment is finalized and approved. This is probably the only chance in the foreseeable future that we’ll be able to attempt this without having to go through yards and yards of red tape. And by then, who knows what your condition will be like.”

“Oh, okay.” Yixing nodded. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

--

Dr. Oh left and the two best friends sat in silence at the table, each man lost in his own thoughts.

They were both so far gone that they completely missed how the sun had set and night had fallen until a nurse briefly dropped by to pick up Yixing’s laundry. Once she was gone, the two best friends moved to the bed, sitting on top of the duvet instead of lying underneath it, since they were still too tense to fall asleep.

After what felt like hours, but was probably only minutes, Baekhyun finally broke the silence. “Are you absolutely sure you want to do this?” he asked, staring deep into Yixing’s dark eyes. “If—if something goes wrong…” His voice died as scenarios of the unthinkable resurfaced in his mind. The tips of his fingers pressed against Yixing’s wrists and he didn’t realize how hard he was pressing down until the Chinese male gently shook his own hands to relieve some of the pressure.

Yixing then laid his forehead against Baekhyun’s and softly said, “I know you’re scared. I’m scared too. I—I don’t want to lose more than I already have.” He took a deep breath, the entirety of his frail body shuddering with that exhale. “But Dr. Oh is giving me the opportunity to have a new life. Even if I’m scared, I can’t give this up. This… This could change everything for me.” He maneuvered his hands so that their fingers were intertwined. “Even though success isn’t guaranteed, I have to bank on the small possibility that it will. I don’t want to keep living like this anymore.” Yixing moved his head back up so that he could make direct eye contact with his best friend, trying to convey how much this meant to him with his gaze. “Especially if there’s another alternative, a better way to live.”

“But if it goes wrong… If something happens… Yixing, I can’t lose you,” Baekhyun said, desperation creeping into his tone. “I almost lost you once already. If I actually lose you this time…” Thick tears began falling like raindrops, pelting their clasped hands. “I think I’ll die,” he croaked out.

“No, you won’t,” Yixing said firmly. He then squeezed his best friend’s hands in an effort to calm him. “You won’t lose me. We just need to trust Dr. Oh on this and hope for the best. We’ll get through this together. Everything will be okay. I’ll be okay.”

“But… But…”

“Baekhyun, I’ll be okay,” the Chinese male soothingly repeated.

Baekhyun bit his bottom lip, trying to hold back another wave of tears, but his trepidation got the best of him and the dam broke. “I know this is your choice and I support it no matter what, because this is your life. But, Yixing, I love you so, so much,” he cried before burying his face against his best friend’s chest. Teardrops were falling even faster than before, instantly soaking through the thick white fabric of Yixing’s hospital clothes. “I just—the thought of you possibly losing everything—I’m… I can’t… I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for putting you in this position,” he continued blubbering.

“Shh, Baek, it’s alright. Please don’t blame yourself,” the Chinese male murmured as he carded his fingers through his best friend’s soft ash brown hair while using his other arm to hold Baekhyun close. “It wasn’t your fault. You’re not to blame.”

“If only—if only I hadn’t—” Baekhyun hiccupped loudly in between his sobs. “Why did this have to happen?” he wailed.

“Oh, Baek,” Yixing held him even closer, “everything will be okay, I promise. You trust me, right?”

The smaller male’s head nodded against Yixing’s chest.

“Then there’s no need to get so upset. We’re going to get through this together. You and me, the two of us against the world, just like we always have since first grade.”

Baekhyun looked back up at Yixing, his eyes glassy with unshed tears. “I love you, Yixing. It drives me absolutely insane thinking about how much I love you. You’re my entire life and I want you to know that I’d do anything for you, anything to take this pain away.”

“I love you too, Baekhyun. I don’t think I could have survived this long without you by my side. Honestly, I would have already given up if you weren’t here with me.” Yixing lightly traced his fingers along Baekhyun’s tear-stained cheeks. “This won’t be the end of us. I won’t let it be. I’m going to come back to you, completely whole, like I was before.”

With that, he grasped Baekhyun’s face and pressed their lips together. Baekhyun shifted to angle himself in a more comfortable position and kissed Yixing back, tender yet firm. Seemingly chaste, but with years of underlying passion fueling their touch. Yixing’s hands gradually moved down and wrapped around Baekhun’s body, and the smaller male followed suit. Their hands clutched at each other’s clothes, arms holding each other close, hearts beating in tandem.

When they briefly parted to catch their breath, Yixing whispered against Baekhyun’s lips, “You’ll always be the prettiest rose in the garden.”

“And you’ll always be the most beautiful lavender.”

--

Baekhyun fidgeted in his seat, hands growing clammy, as his eyes flickered to the operating theater every few seconds. He didn’t know how long he had been sitting there, restlessly waiting for any sign of movement from the closed-off room. Nor he did particularly want to know, since he knew that the knowledge would only exacerbate his anxiety. But it didn’t make the long, arduous wait any easier either.

Every random noise made him jump in his skin. Every flash of light made him dizzy with dread.

God, he hated this with every fiber of his being.

After what felt like an eternity, the metal double doors finally burst open and Baekhyun immediately rushed to the entrance so that he could return to his best friend’s side. However, when he saw Yixing being wheeled out on a gurney, seemingly lifeless, his heart dropped to his stomach and his mind instantly jumped to the worst possible outcome. “No…” he gasped, eyes beginning to well with tears. “Yixing…”

“He’s just resting.” It was the deep, familiar voice of Dr. Oh. “He was under a significant degree of mental duress during the operation, so he’s exhausted now.”

At that, Baekhyun’s shoulders relaxed at once and he let out a long exhale, trying to calm his erratically beating heart. As long as Yixing wasn’t… He couldn’t bring himself to finish the traumatizing thought.

The small male followed Dr. Oh and the two nurses that were pushing the gurney as they transported their patient back to his room, and he volunteered to carefully transfer Yixing from the gurney to his bed. Once the nurses left the room, leaving only Dr. Oh with the pair of best friends, all of the strung out tension left Baekhyun’s body and he noticeably deflated as he turned to face the unconscious Chinese male.

“He’ll be asleep until tomorrow morning,” Dr. Oh quietly said. “We’ll find out then if this was successful or not.”

Baekhyun listlessly nodded, his eyes solely focused on Yixing’s pale face.

The doctor laid a comforting hand on Baekhyun’s shoulder and patted it several times. “Make sure you get some rest, okay? I’ll be back first thing tomorrow.”

“Thank you,” Baekhyun murmured, wearing a watery half-smile.

“You’re welcome. See you tomorrow.”

The door to the hospital room then closed after the doctor and Baekhyun let out a long, shuddering sigh. He continued staring at Yixing, his eyes tracing the sharp lines of the Chinese male’s thin face, before landing on his slightly parted mouth. Wisps of air traveled through those pale pink lips, his chest rising and falling at a steady tempo, which helped ease Baekhyun’s frantic mind.

Yixing looked okay. Yixing would be okay. Yixing was okay.

Baekhyun silently repeated those short three sentences like a mantra as he carefully pulled back the duvet and slipped under it to join his best friend in bed. Baekhyun tightly wrapped his arms around Yixing and laid his cheek on top of the Chinese male’s firm chest so that he could feel the thrum of Yixing’s constant heartbeat. Baekhyun’s eyelids gradually fluttered shut and his breathing eventually slowed to match Yixing’s rhythmic exhales.

Now, all he could do was wait for the next morning to arrive.

--

A low hum sounded in his chest as he felt the morning light hit his closed eyelids, waking him up from his dreamless sleep. Birds were chirping outside and he allowed himself to keep his eyes closed as he carefully listened to their cheerful song. Moments later, he could also hear someone shuffling around for a few seconds before the left edge of the mattress slightly dipped under the new weight. The bed sheets softly whistled underneath him as he shifted his own body to the left and then opened his eyes to see a man with ash brown hair smiling gently at him. They silently stared at each other, both haloed in sunlight while the birds continued singing in the background. The scene was simply ethereal.

He broke the silence first.

“Baekhyun?”

Eyes widened in complete shock and two hands dug into the thick duvet, tightly grasping the soft material. “Yixing, you—you remember me?” he choked out, his throat suddenly dry.

“I do. I remember you.” And then the gravity situation dawned on him and Yixing’s eyes widened as well. “Oh my god, I remember you,” he repeated breathlessly.

A loud cry escaped from Baekhyun’s throat as he launched himself onto the bed and tackled his best friend, who let out a yelp as he fell back. The two were soon a mess of tangled limbs while tears streamed down both of their faces at the realization that Yixing was cured.

No longer would he wake up as a blank slate, blissfully ignorant of his traumatic accident but also woefully unaware of his loved ones. No longer would he suffer through the mentally draining task of reliving his entire life in less than a day, only for the memories to disappear like a dream each night. No longer would he feel empty and incomplete, his mind split open like a deep bottomless chasm.

Now, all of the puzzle pieces were fitted back together again.

Now, Zhang Yixing was whole again.

♈♈♈

A/N: Happy eighth anniversary to our lovely boys of EXO! It's been such a crazy year for the boys with two more solo debuts, another sub-unit debut, two solo comebacks, the long-awaited group comeback, and another amazing tour successfully wrapped up with encore concerts to end off the decade. Even though we also had two enlistments, such is the nature of stanning a boy group and I'm already bracing myself for the inevitable enlistments of Suho and the Beagle Line. But in happier news, Baekhyun has been recording for his second album and I'm so excited for it! It was supposed to come out this month, but with the coronavirus pandemic currently impacting the world, I'm pretty sure it's been delayed. But I'm honestly fine with that, since it means Baekhyun is finally getting proper rest after a grueling year of non-stop promotions and touring. And Lay has been an absolute darling by releasing so many charity songs to alleviate the financial damage caused by the pandemic. I don't think he'll be able to perform in LA in June, especially considering that the US has yet to hit the peak, but again, I'd rather have the performances cancelled to minimize the possible spread of the virus. And even though there's been no news of Chen these past few months, I'm sure he's doing well and I'm keeping him in my thoughts every day. Tomorrow marks my six-month anniversary of meeting him and I'm going to properly celebrate in the comfort of my home by playing his solo tracks on loop. ^^

I've been working on this triple update for the past week so I could release these stories in time for the anniversary. Being stuck at home for quarantine has actually done wonders for my productivity when it comes to writing, haha. Hopefully I can keep up this momentum and I'll do my best to prepare more stories in a timely manner! I know my output for this collection in particular has been relatively low, but I'm going to do my best to change that this year. Granted, I was juggling four active story threads last year, which probably wasn't smart. ^^; One of them is finally complete and I'm hoping to complete another one ASAP so that I can focus more on this collection. Regardless, thank you so much for being patient and sticking with me for so long! I am eternally grateful for your support and I couldn't have come this far without you guys! Anyway, I hope you all are doing well! Please stay safe and healthy during this time! Have a lovely day and once again, happy eighth anniversary to EXO!