pairing: BaekChen
length: 1431 words

Chen exhaled deeply before straightening his back and squaring up his shoulders.

He had never intended to come back here ever again, but life worked in funny ways.

Too bad he wasn’t a fan of stand-up comedy.

It took every modicum of both self-restraint and self-confidence to pass through the eerily familiar iron gates, even though every cell in his body was chanting for him to turn tail and run in the opposite direction.

But it was fine.

This was fine.

The silence that surrounded the gray courtyard, while also relatively eerie, was also somewhat comforting, in an odd way. Chen didn’t have any way to eloquently describe this peculiar sense of calm. It just…existed.

Like he did.

Which was…mildly soothing in itself. To be a speck of dust in an enormous plane, far greater than himself or anything he could ever imagine.

It almost erased all of the hurt, all of the pain that he had suffered five years ago.

But the keyword was “almost.”

Chen’s pace was slow, measured, and painstaking. As much as he tried to pull away, to renege on this arguably impulsive decision, there was an unstoppable and intangible force that continued pulling him towards the massive gray doors. One step after another, steady like a clock.

Until he reached the door handles, curved like claws and shinier than he remembered. The intricate door knocker itself, carved in the form of a mighty dragon, seemed to be polished to perfection. And Chen inhaled sharply when he saw his distorted reflection, the dark circles under his eyes magnified like giant bags of cement.

Again, there was some resistance as an unforeseen entity seemed to drag his arm up to the door, fingers curled into a fist when his knuckles rapped against the solid fiberglass entryway.

There was a lengthy pause until the door slowly swung open and Byun Baekhyun stood at the entrance. He wore a long gray coat over a black button-up shirt and dark gray trousers. He was still as skinny as ever, perhaps even skinnier than Chen remembered when he noticed how the other man’s skin stretched taut over each bone. Not that Chen looked any better with his own paper-thin frame, huddled underneath a large black trench coat for protection from the elements.

There was a split-second of palpable confusion before recognition washed over the other male and a spark of hope almost ignited within Chen until it was doused within milliseconds when Baekhyun coldly asked, “What are you doing here?”

Chen’s breath caught in his throat, causing him to stutter out, “I—I saw the news. Of—of…Master Lee… And I came back to—to see if anything… If I could assist in any way for…the children…”

However, Baekhyun only looked at him with a blank expression and Chen didn’t know if that hurt more than the outbursts of anger that had erupted from the older male five years ago.

With a weak smile, he softly added, “I… I didn’t know you were still…here…”

“Where else could I have gone after you left me behind?” was Baekhyun’s icy response.

And it stung. A storm of memories flurried within Chen’s head and his fists tightened at his side as he internally tried to ward them off, to focus on the task at hand. “Baekhyun, I—”

“You can leave, Jongdae,” the other man ordered, already stepping away and closing the door. “The children are fine. You aren’t needed here.”

Just before the door shut completely, Chen managed to stick his foot in the tiny gap, letting out a pained hiss when Baekhyun pushed the door even more against his partially crushed toes. “Wait, Baekhyun, just—what… What about you?”

“What about me?”

The burn in Chen’s foot was traveling up his frail leg at the speed of light, but he gritted his teeth and dug his heels into the ground even more to keep himself anchored. “How… How are you doing? How have you…been after Master Lee…? Or just—just in general?”

Baekhyun narrowed his eyes. “Why do you care?”

“I—I’ve always cared, Baekhyun. You know that,” Chen quietly said.

“Do I, Jongdae? Do I really know that after you abandoned me here? After you promised that we’d fix things together? After you left me to fend for myself with no other exit plan?” Baekhyun hissed, suddenly increasing the pressure of the door against the younger male’s foot and causing Chen to let out another agonized cry. There was a haunted look in Baekhyun’s dark brown eyes as he bitterly continued, “You ended all of my hopes and dreams five years ago, Jongdae. And how dare you shamelessly come back here and offer help, as if nothing happened. As if you were always here when we both know how much you loathed being here.”

“Baek, please—”

“Don’t speak to me like we’re friends,” Baekhyun harshly cut in. “You lost that right five years ago, Jongdae.”

“Baekhyun…”

However, he refused to budge. “Now, if you excuse me, I have things to do and—”

“Boo!”

Both men jumped, completely rattled, as a young boy suddenly emerged and hopped onto Baekhyun’s back.

“Whatcha doin’, Baekhyun?” the boy cheerfully asked while staring curiously at Chen, who managed to send back a polite smile.

“Hyungwon, what have I said about sneaking up on me when I’m at the front door?” Baekhyun gently yet firmly chastised the tall ten-year-old boy while setting him back down on the ground. “Have you finished lunch yet?”

The boy nodded, puffing up his chest with pride. “I finished eating first and I cleaned the dishes,” he bragged, causing Baekhyun to chuckle softly.

“Alright, good job. I’ll give you extra stickers on the point chart once I’m done here,” the older male promised while patting the top of Hyungwon’s head. “Now go back to the dining room and wait with the others, okay? I’ll be there in a few minutes and then we can play soccer in the garden.”

The boy’s face lit up like a sparkler and he tightly hugged Baekhyun in response. Hyungwon then peered at Chen again before reaching over and grabbing the edge of his sleeve, lightly tugging it and saying, “You can play with us too! We have an uneven number right now, since Hyunwoo twisted his ankle last week.”

“Wait, Hyungwon, you can’t—”

“I’d love to play,” Chen began, fully intending to walk right in, now that he had an opening.

But after seeing the immediate alarm and distress in Baekhyun’s eyes, he faltered.

Perhaps… Perhaps it had been a mistake to return. Perhaps he should’ve resisted whatever phantom force led him here in the first place and let the past remain in the past.

“But I think I’ll pass this time,” he slowly finished with a rueful smile. “Thank you so much for the offer though, Hyungwon.”

“Aw man, please? Pretty please, can’t you play with us?” the ten-year-old boy begged. “Yein’s going to be mad if she ends up on the smaller team and I don’t wanna deal with that,” he complained.

“I’ll just sit out of the game too, Hyungwon,” Baekhyun soothingly offered. “Now—”

“But you have to play, Baekhyun! You promised! It’s no fun if you don’t play!” Hyungwon immediately protested. He turned to Chen again and beseechingly pulled his sleeve. “Please, please, please play with us? We have a huge backyard, so I promise it’ll be really fun!”

“I—I know,” Chen murmured as memories of the expansive garden flashed through his head. “If… If Baekhyun is okay with it, I’m more than happy to stay and play with you.”

Hyungwon turned to the other man and began begging with the unrelenting fervor that only a child was capable of. “Please, Baekhyun? Pretty please, can he play with us? I promise I’ll do all the chores for a week. Or a month! Please?”

Seeing that this was a battle he couldn’t win, Baekhyun let out a deep sigh and reluctantly nodded. “Alright, but I’m holding you to that promise, okay?”

“Yahoo! Thank you, thank you, Baekhyun! You’re the best!” Hyungwon cheered, giving the older male a quick hug before racing back to the dining room.

After the ten-year-old boy was completely out of sight, Baekhyun turned back to Chen and met his gaze with one of wariness. “One soccer game and that’s it. You leave right after that,” he ordered in a stiff, low voice.

Chen nodded.

At the very least, it was a start.

A start to a conversation that should have taken place five years ago.

♈♈♈