pairing: ChenLay
length: 1406 words

Jongdae lifelessly stared at his phone as he watched Yixing’s Snapchat story. The older male was hanging out with Jackson Wang again.

Not that Jongdae had a problem with Jackson. No, he really didn’t.

Never mind that Jackson happened to be one of the most extroverted people to ever grace the planet. Never mind that Jongdae felt as though he paled grossly in comparison to Jackson whenever the two were in the same room with each other. Never mind that people seemed to effortlessly gravitate towards Jackson, like moths to a bright and warm flame, while it took so much energy and willpower for Jongdae to feel comfortable in a social situation, enough to open up to people and come off as outgoing while masking his nerves.

Jongdae genuinely liked Jackson as a person. He truly did.

Jackson was headstrong and dramatic at times, but that was part of his charm. He knew what he wanted and strove to achieve everything he wanted to the best of his abilities while still making time for anyone who needed his advice. He was able to balance healthily between his academics and social life. He always smiled, his big goofy grin beaming brightly, at everyone he passed by while hollering an enthusiastic greeting to them. Jackson had an innate capability of making anyone feel as if they were the most important person in the universe whenever he talked to them.

Honestly, Jackson was such a selfless, kind person.

And that fact made Jongdae feel even more ashamed whenever the jealous feelings swirling inside of him reared their ugly head.

It wasn’t like Yixing belonged to him. Yixing was allowed to hang out with whomever he chose to, whenever he wanted to, however often he liked. Jongdae didn’t have a monopoly over his best friend.

But it still hurt to see Yixing hanging out so often with Jackson, getting dinner together or exploring nearby landmarks, while Jongdae was lucky if Yixing messaged him once a week nowadays. He was lucky if Yixing ever asked him to hang out, which never happened.

Not anymore.

Before, Jongdae could spend hours texting his best friend, their conversations lasting until two or three in the morning until one of them finally decided that it was time to sleep. They would hang out almost every day, usually in Jongdae’s apartment after the duo had eaten lunch at the dining hall, and watch anime while wearing homemade green tea face masks. Whenever Yixing needed a haircut, he’d invite the younger male to come with him to the barber, even though the only thing Jongdae would be doing was sitting nearby and fiddling on his phone—and covertly sneaking glances at Yixing, but his best friend didn’t need to know that.

And then there were the nights they spent in Yixing’s car, talking deep into the night about everything. Nothing was a stale topic between the two of them. Even though Jongdae usually struggled with thinking of how to keep a discussion fresh and interesting for the other person while Yixing was usually quiet and let the other person lead the conversation, it was somehow incredibly easy for the pair to let words flow from their mouths like water whenever they were together. And although Yixing’s mother would always bombard her son’s phone with texts, asking him why he still wasn’t home even though it was past midnight, Yixing would always reassure his best friend that it wasn’t the younger male’s fault that they were hanging out so late.

And whenever Jongdae cried over his deceased uncle, Yixing was there to soothingly rub the distraught boy’s back while softly murmuring words of comfort as they sat on the couch. The older male would stay over at Jongdae’s apartment until the younger male cried himself to sleep. Yixing would then carry his best friend to his bed and tuck him in, his fingers gently grazing over Jongdae’s tearstained face to wipe away any salty remnants.

There was a time when Jongdae could confidently say that Yixing was the most important person in his life and that he was the most important person in Yixing’s life. Everyone knew it. Whenever anyone was looking for one half of the duo, they’d always go to the other half to find out where he was.

But that was no longer the case.

Jackson had somehow managed to creep into their lives while subtly taking over Jongdae’s role in Yixing’s life. It had occurred so gradually that Jongdae had been unable to stop it from happening once he realized that he and his best friend were drifting apart.

With the two of them no longer living near each other like they had in the past, with Jackson living across the street from Yixing while Jongdae was two blocks away, hang-outs between the two best friends became scarcer by the week. As Jongdae became more stressed out by his classes, he slowly shut out everyone in order to be more focused on school. And without knowing it, he had also shut out Yixing.

And thinking that it was best for Jongdae to have some space in order not to overwhelm his best friend, Yixing had begun spending time with Jackson. At first, it had started out as weekly study sessions, since the two of them were in the same statistics class. Those had then evolved into dinner gatherings with Jackson’s other close friends, Mark and Amber. And then it was like they were attached at the hip; they saw each other almost every day, just like Jongdae and Yixing had in the past.

People began to associate Yixing with Jackson and vice versa while Jongdae was slowly forgotten.

It wasn’t that Jongdae didn’t like how Yixing had new friends. The younger male was fine with Yixing befriending others. Jongdae also had other friends that he hung out with at times. It wasn’t like the older male had a monopoly over him.

But he still missed his best friend. He missed what they had once had.

And although it seemed so easy to just ask Yixing to hang out again like they used to, Jongdae couldn’t bring himself to do it. Not after what Jackson had told him the other day.

“Hey, Jongdae, do you think you could help me with something?” Jackson smiled warmly, showing off his pearly white teeth.

“Sure. What is it?”

“Well, since I know you and Yixing are really close,” which made Jongdae’s heart jump in his chest, “I was hoping you could tell me if Yixing is interested in anyone right now.”

And then Jongdae’s heart immediately sunk to his stomach, because it was obvious what Jackson was implying. Although he knew what the answer was, Jongdae still asked and he wondered if he were a masochist for doing so. “Do you like Yixing?” A bright, sunny smile was plastered on Jongdae’s face, concealing the storm that was brewing inside him, so the other male was none the wiser.

“Yeah, I do,” Jackson admitted with a laugh as he scratched the back of his neck nervously. “I was wondering if you’d be my wingman, since you know Yixing the best.” Jackson was looking at the other male with hopeful, round eyes as he anticipated Jongdae’s answer.

As much as he wanted to reject the request, because that’d be even more masochistic, Jongdae discovered that his vocal cords were unable to form the words to send Jackson off on his way. Although his heart was screaming at him to go after Yixing himself, his brain charged forward with his mouth obediently saying, “Of course! You’ll make Yixing really happy and that’s all I want.” And while that was true, it didn’t hurt any less to say those words out loud.

So there went what could have been.

Jongdae pursed his lips together as he locked his phone and set it on his desk with the screen facing downwards. After all, it wasn’t like Yixing was going to message the younger male anytime soon. There was no reason to.

Rapidly blinking back the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes, Jongdae stood up from his chair and crawled into bed, even though it was too early to go to sleep.

Perhaps Morpheus would be kind enough to send him dreams of Yixing that night, since that seemed to be the only time he could see his best friend these days.

♈♈♈