Dear. Mr Kim JaeJoong,

I've had another relapse. They keep me from writing to you. They keep me from being alone. They keep me from living.

I really don't want to live this way. I want to live like nothing was wrong. Like you were still here.

I want to live as if we were still happy.

I went to visit the oak tree once again. It was a moment of peace before my relapse. I dug up our old notebook from under the tree. The one we shared our secrets in so no one would hear our words. I can't believe we filled that book, all the way to the end.

I tried to concentrate on the words we conversed with each other. Your writing was always so messy, I could hardly read it! But I always tried my best, in the end, giving up and asking you what you wrote. It was kind of pointless, writing it and speaking anyway, but it was our special thing.

There was one line that I remembered from that book. "Never forget me, for you will live in my heart forever." I never did forget you. I never will.

{ day 60. }