Dear Mr. Kim JaeJoong,

I have been hospitalized again. If my neighbour hadn't found me, I would have been dead. I wouldn't have been able to write to you anymore. I doubt anything in my life is worth living for, now that I am confined to a bed I am not comfortable with.

Day in and out, I am surrounded by complete strangers. The thoughts plague me, how can people put up with me? I throw tantrums, I scream for you at night. These nurses, they need to be quiet. Thei gossip is all I hear, their words encompass me. I am boxed in.

The thing is, their words just won't stop. They are on repeat, like an aggravating bee buzzing around my head. I'm always worried that their words will sting me.

They do.

The nurses gossip about my life. About how you left me. About how I am living an empty life. I am a shell of what I was before, and they know.

I often speculate, how can they know so much? How can they dig deep into my private files without feeling any remorse for what they have done?

This is the ninth time I have been in the hospital. Previously, I have been diagnosed with a variety of “problems” which have seemed to disappear through the years.

They are back with a vengeance.

{ day 297. }