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Jongin

The date of our comeback is getting closer and closer by the day, and the amount of  stress and discomfort I am feeling is becoming astonishing.

It's not that I am afraid of failing our performance. I am just afraid to appear in front of our fans after so long of staying silent. I am anxious to discover wether they are still disappointed in me or not.

I haven't been able to face them directly since my dating scandal came out.

My members and I are doing those special V-app lives before the showcase, and in two days it will be my turn. I am extremely anxious about that.

What kind of response am I going to get? Will people even be watching my V-Live? Will they even still be bothered with me? I have all those questions going around in my head, and they are preventing me from concentrating on anything else.

On the other side, I have a lot more confidence in my relationship and one thing I am sure of is that I am going to do everything I can to protect Soojung. She deserves so much more than all the comments she is being thrown, just because she is dating me.

She is a real example of confidence. She knows who and what is important in her life, so she doesn't really pay attention to all of her detractors. Sometimes I even feel like I don't really need to protect her or check on her. She does it really well, on her own.

During the past month she showed everyone how she didn't care about their opinion, over and over again. The way she openly and proudly supported her sister's solo career debut, considering the situation and despite the agency's warning, was indeed remarkable.

She always stands up for herself and for the people she loves. How could I not fight for a girl like her? Plus, I only know how long it took me to convince her to accept my confession.

I was in my bed, waiting for her daily phone call. Kyungsoo was at the company with Baekhyun and Lay, still recording the last touches of a few of our songs, so I had the room to myself.

I had been waiting for about an hour when Soojung texted me, to tell me that she was going to take a shower before calling me.

As I was getting more and more tired, I told her to call now, just so that I could at least wish her goodnight. A few seconds later she was calling me on FaceTime.

Soojung: Annyeong.

She said when I picked up her call.

Jongin: Did you just come back?

Soojung: Eo. Filming time got extended.

Jongin: You look tired.

Soojung: I am. Did you wait for a long time?

Jongin: Not that much, but I'm a little tired tonight.

Soojung: Mm.

We stayed silent and looked at each other like we do every night. I don't know if it helped us dream of one another, but it kind of became a habit we grew to like doing when we talked on FaceTime.

Soojung: What did you do today?

Jongin: Rehearsed for our comeback.

Soojung: When is it already?

Jongin: June 8th. In 7 days.

Soojung: Are you feeling nervous?

Jongin: Not so much about the comeback, but more about our V-Lives.

Soojung: What about that?

Jongin: I'm wondering if people will even tune in to see mine. I'm also not sure of what to do during the broadcast.

Soojung: Of course people are going to tune in. Your fans will love whatever you decide to do.

Jongin: I'm nervous about doing it alone. I don't know if I will be able to fill an hour long broadcast.

She paused for a second as if she was thinking of a solution.

Soojung: Who is doing the first broadcast?

Jongin: Sehun, Suho Hyung, then me for the first day.

Soojung: And do you know their themes?

Jongin: Sehun is going to introduce Vivi to our EXO-Ls and play with her. Suho Hyung is going to bake during his live.

Soojung: Oh, I see what kind of broadcasts it is. Did you guys have to submit a title for your lives?

Jongin: Eo. I called mine 'deep talk with Kai'.

Soojung: Deep talk!? Now I know why you're so nervous. They're sure going to tune in.

She looked concerned for a minute and I could understand why. The thing we were both afraid of was people asking about our relationship or sending mean comments to us, targeting the other.

Soojung: Ask one of your members to give you some ideas about how to fill in the time, or ask if you can do it with someone else.

Jongin: That's the thing. I want to be able to achieve this on my own. You must think I'm weird, right?

Soojung: Not at all. I see what you mean. Then you should trust yourself and just go for it.

Jongin: Yeah...

Soojung: You're going to do just fine. I believe in you.

Jongin: Thank you.

Soojung: I'm going to make sure to watch it as soon as I land!

Jongin: Oh yes, you're going to France for KCON, right?

Soojung: Mm.

Jongin: Are you excited?

Soojung: Excited but tired. I don't remember the last time I stayed in the same country for more than a week.

She said as she chuckled, but my heart sank. Here I was, stressing over trivial things when she was having a harder time than me. She had been away from her family and all of her friends, for the longest time. She probably missed home very much.

Jongin: You're going to have fun with your members. It will feel like a vacation. I'm envious.

I said, trying to make her smile.

Jongin: Plus, Taemin will be there with you. Well, I don't really like the idea of Taemin and you wandering around the city of love, but I'll act as if I don't know anything.

I added, joking around.

Thankfully it made her laugh. She shook her head at me before speaking again.

Soojung: Make sure to eat and sleep well. I don't want you to get sick now that you've already gone through this whole healing process, with your leg.

Jongin: Don't worry. Make sure to take care of yourself, and don't push yourself too much. Okay?

Soojung: Okay... I miss you.

Jongin: I love you.

Soojung: I love you too.

We looked at each other again, then waved our hands goodbye before hanging up.

I turned and turned in my bed, trying to get some sleep, but it was hard after talking to her. I realized that we are spending less and less time together, and it frustrates me.

Jongin: I can't sleep.

I stood up from my bed, wore a T-shirt, then made my way downstairs. I found Suho and Sehun playing at the PlayStation, in the living room.

Suho: Oh, you're not sleeping?

He asked me, when I sat next to him on the sofa.

Jongin: I can't seem to fall asleep.

Sehun: Have you talked to Soojung?

Jongin: Mm.

Sehun: That's why.

I looked at him for a second, but he was too into the game to even realize.

Jongin: Are you ready for tomorrow?

Sehun: For the V-Lives? Yes, sir!

Jongin: Aren't you worried at all?

Sehun: Not really. Why?

Suho: Are you worried about something?

He asked, quickly turning to me before going back to his game.

Jongin: Keunyang... How can I fill up an hour long broadcast? I don't think I can.

Sehun: Of course you can!

Suho: What are you concerned about? The response?

Jongin: The response but also my own show. It really seems impossible for me to do that. I really have no idea what I will be talking about for that long.

Sehun: Oh! You know that book you have. The one you bought in New York!

Jongin: Which one?

Sehun: The one with the questions. You open a page and answer the questions on it.

Jongin: Eo.

Sehun: Use that for the beginning of your live. Then just talk to them.

Suho: Oh. Kwenchaneundhae.

Jongin: That sounds like a good idea... Thank you.

Sehun: You're welcome, boy.

He said, probably trying to impress us with his best English accent, but all it did was make Suho and I laugh.

Suho: Do you want to play for a bit? I've got to go make a phone call.

Jongin: Mm.

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