✌REVIEW - Through Miles of Clouded Hell (By t0pslyfe)
✔✔TRAVERSE SHOP - REVIEW & PROOFREAD✔✔
Story title:
Author(s):
Genre(s):
Angst
Mystery
Psychological Thriller
Mystery
Psychological Thriller
Story Status:
Ongoing
No.of Chapters:
13
Category:
Multi-Chaptered
Total Points:
51/60
TITLE: 5/5
The title at first glance catches a reader's interest because it's obscure and different from the usual, shallow titles around AFF. It makes the reader wonder, "What does Through Miles of Clouded Hell mean?" Then they'll go click your story.
After I read the story, Clouded Hell suddenly means a lot to me. The author portrays Seungri's life as helish, and that he is suffering from severe amnesia seeing that he even forgot his past and even his parents. Clouded means something's very unclear and hazy, and Seungri's life is like living in hell. At least that's my opinion about the meaning of the title. That or maybe your title is a snippet from a lyrics of a song?
Titles like these peak a reader's curiousity.
After I read the story, Clouded Hell suddenly means a lot to me. The author portrays Seungri's life as helish, and that he is suffering from severe amnesia seeing that he even forgot his past and even his parents. Clouded means something's very unclear and hazy, and Seungri's life is like living in hell. At least that's my opinion about the meaning of the title. That or maybe your title is a snippet from a lyrics of a song?
Titles like these peak a reader's curiousity.
DESCRIPTION/FOREWORD: 9/10
The description is brief and short, yet it makes the reader curious about what's going to happen next. I see that you presented the conflict (Seungri finds himself knee deep in his own personal hell) too. Furthermore, it captures the tone and vibe of a mystery story; as it leaves the reader with questions. I spot some tiny spelling mistakes (Never ending should be never-ending) but other than that, you've successfully reeled in your reader into reading your story.
Your Foreword is correct.Trailers, OSTs, acknowledgments, author's notes usually go to the Foreword section.
Your Foreword is correct.Trailers, OSTs, acknowledgments, author's notes usually go to the Foreword section.
PLOT: 8/10
Your story opener is basically a character waking up, without explicitly stating it. Waking up as a story opener is overused and cliche and it results to the reader going "meh" and off to the next story! However, I see that you've put your own twist and made it interesting, as you have presented the conflict and clues that Seungri is somewhat suffering from a mental illness (Depression and possibly Dissosciative Personality Disorder.)
To be honest, I've never read a story that has a similar plot to your story. I'm not a big fan of Angst, Mystery, or Thriller but yours is the best story I have read for a long time. The suspense, cliffhangers, and the subtle clues leaves your readers wanting more. It's safe to say that your story has a good and original plot :)
To be honest, I've never read a story that has a similar plot to your story. I'm not a big fan of Angst, Mystery, or Thriller but yours is the best story I have read for a long time. The suspense, cliffhangers, and the subtle clues leaves your readers wanting more. It's safe to say that your story has a good and original plot :)
Flow of the Story: 4/5
The flow of the story is not too fast, or too slow, as it keeps the readers at the edge of their seats. I like how you reveal facts and the backstory of Seungri through the use of his "gift", and not in some cliche sudden flashback or a dream sequence.
CHARACTERS: 9/10
Considering that the story is still on-going, I can't review the characters' characterization as the story is not completed yet. Seungri is still suffering from what I could tell, depression(?) from beginning to end. But his character seemed to chage slightly from chapter to chapter. In the beginning of the story, he seemed taciturn but as the story progresses, he begins opening up to Jiyong. Speaking of Jiyong, I sense that there's not much characterization going on in him, except that he at first, was distant to Seungri but eventually ended up caring about his well-being.
Youngbae and TOP makes few appearances in the story... So I can't see much of their characterization.
Youngbae and TOP makes few appearances in the story... So I can't see much of their characterization.
WRITING STYLE: 3/5
Your writing style is fine, brief, and straightforward but there isn't much descriptive writing going on around the story. Descriptive writing can help your story be more engaging and appealing to the readers.
I also noticed that during the first chapters of the story, there are repetitions of words like said and omnious. You can replace said with like, 200+ words that best fit the scenario. Repetitive words like these can badly distrupt the flow of the story.
I also noticed that during the first chapters of the story, there are repetitions of words like said and omnious. You can replace said with like, 200+ words that best fit the scenario. Repetitive words like these can badly distrupt the flow of the story.
Grammar: 4/5
There are still some minor mistakes in the story (e.g. Concern glance should be Concerned glance) but nonetheless, grammar is fine.
Satisfaction: 9/10
Personally, I enjoyed reading reading the story overall. At first I was confused with the random scenes of out-of-body experiences but I got the hang of it. It really served its purpose as an Angst, Mystery and Thriller fic. In addition, I also like how some of the chapters end in cliffhangers, which is a great way to bring up suspense and keep the flow good.
In my opinion, it would have been great if you hadn't reveal Jihye's body at the end of Chapter 1 and instead leave it with a cliffhanger so it won't diminish the suspense building up.
In my opinion, it would have been great if you hadn't reveal Jihye's body at the end of Chapter 1 and instead leave it with a cliffhanger so it won't diminish the suspense building up.
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Modified by StoicBread
Modified by StoicBread
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