I find the description clean, since it's brief and doesn't give much of the plot. But there's one thing missing:

Where is the conflict?

Personally, when I see a story's description where the conflict is missing, off to the next story! And isn't just any conflict, the major conflict. Sure, there is some minor conflict at Chapter 4, but that's it. What else?

Please be not one of those type of stories where it exists purely just for the sake of fluff. Unless your readers are desperately thirsty for fluff and are Lay-biased, in-depth readers will not find the story interesting.

Spice up your story a little bit. I've seen a lot, and when I mean a lot, I mean tons and tons of those types of stories, where it exists just for fluff.

I see that at the first paragraph of your Foreword, it's just the description paraphrased. I recommend you to remove it because it's unnecessarily repetitive.
 

Byun Baekhyun... you and your overprotectiveness xD

I see a little bit of OOC here. Specifically, Soojin. From my perspective, she is someone who is sassy (proven when she sassed Mino yea, off Minho) , sarcastic, and straightforward (heck yes, when she sassed Mino) and someone who is certainly not softspoken (I can't find the right word lol), because of the fact that she will not hesitate to punch Mino's face according to her thoughts.

Then there goes the OOCness.

Later in Chapter 4, she didn't even tried to beat the living sh!t out of that Queenka retaliate. If that would've happen, she would be a badass! Congrats, Soojin! Out of all the stories I've read, you're the first to stand up against a Queenka! But it didn't... It would be cool to see her do that! But she didn't do it... Not even the 'martial arts that look painful' (To all the readers, if you know that reference, you're awesome as ! And you're obviously a Carat too :D).
 

I'm not fond of changing POV. Not at all. It's confusing and somehow limits descriptive writing and the charcaterization to just one category (a character's thoughts). Why not just focus on Soojin's POV since she's the protagnist of the story? I know that you want to show the readers what the characters are thinking, but it can be shown through descriptive writing and characterization (like how Soojin sees the other characters, what the characters do, ect.)

The capitalized texts (such as BYUN BAEKHYUN AIN'T LEAVING THIS PLANET YET., ect.) is somewhat incorrect through a professional writer's perspective, but who gives a ! Majority of us are not professional readers xD admit it however, it makes up for its comedy value because these capitalized texts are somewhat emphasized to be funny and it's working :D
 

I find nothing distracting about the Grammar.