✌REVIEW - Flaws of A Perfection (by TeaMinT)
✔✔TRAVERSE SHOP - REVIEW & PROOFREAD✔✔
Story title:
Author(s):
Genre(s):
Fluff
Romance
Romance
Story Status:
Ongoing
No.of Chapters:
13
Category:
Multi-Chaptered
Total Points:
56/60
TITLE: 5/5
In all of the stories that I have reviewed, this one stands out. One thing's because it's oxymoronic (two contradicting ideas joined together. In this case, perfection and flaws)
I can say that the title is eye-catching since first, it's oxymoronic (something I don't encounter in other stories... yet) which in turn, raises a question in the reader's mind, "What? Perfections are flawless, aren't they?" then they'll check the story.Unless they're one of those thirsty ARMYs, desperate even, for a [insert BTS member here] x OC story that they've scoured every story in AFF and heck even on Wattpad. Yep, some people are... peculiar.
I can say that the title is eye-catching since first, it's oxymoronic (something I don't encounter in other stories... yet) which in turn, raises a question in the reader's mind, "What? Perfections are flawless, aren't they?" then they'll check the story.
DESCRIPTION/FOREWORD: 10/10
The Description and the Foreword is surprisingly neat (complete with the Copyright and all) and the layout adds to that neatness. However, there are some minor grammatical errors:
"Perfection. That's what they call him." (Optional. This one's for emphasis, as I emphasized the word, perfection)
A god-gifted human being who exceeds the expectations of all others.
And also in:
"Jeon Jungkook is perfect. He's cool, he's intelligent, and he's a complete badass. (This is to keep Parallelism in check.)
And in:
"You're not perfect until you get rid of that ridiculous, little problem you have." (Add a comma between ridiculous and little.)
"Perfection. That's what they call him." (Optional. This one's for emphasis, as I emphasized the word, perfection)
A god-gifted human being who exceeds the expectations of all others.
And also in:
"Jeon Jungkook is perfect. He's cool, he's intelligent, and he's a complete badass. (This is to keep Parallelism in check.)
And in:
"You're not perfect until you get rid of that ridiculous, little problem you have." (Add a comma between ridiculous and little.)
PLOT: 10/10
Actually, the plot's unpredictable, as I don't know if my ships will sink Jungkook and Junghwa will get along, or if Jungkook and Ahreum will be um together at the end, ect. Some questions like that. The plot's unique, and it's not a bit of complicated.
Flow of the Story: 5/5
The story's progressing nicely. I can see nothing that may potentially disrupt the story flow.
CHARACTERS: 10/10
The characterization is moderately balanced, as I can see that you used these literary techniques throughout the story:
A) Told the reader directly what a character's personality is like (e.g. You described Junghwa's personality, calling her a genius, goody-two-shoes, ect.)
B) Portrayed a character's thoughts. (alot of characters use this)
C) How a characters' actions reveal their personality (e.g. Suga's actions, especially towards the poor girls)
D) And how the characters react to the person you're trying to portray. (e.g. how Jungkook reacted to Taehyung flirting with his sister)
As far as I can tell with their characters:
- Junghwa's a perfectionist, goody-two-shoes, a genius, straightforward (she isn't afraid to mentally diss Suga!even though she's scared of him!
- Jungkook's scared sh!tless of girls
- Ahreum's that one girl who hasn't gone bananas for Jungkook (yet lol)
- Taehyung, as usual, is and will ever be a flirt like in all of the School!AU stories I've read.
- Yoongi's swaggy (and cruel) personality. Um... at Chapter 010? Literally everyone's scared of him (Except for Jin lol). Even Junghwa. 'Nuff said.Though his character infires me
- Jimin being the third wheeland still got no jams. Poor Chim Chim :( His character parallels with his real-life counterpart lol. #JUSTICFORJIMINSJAMS2k16
- Namjoon's that smartest guyand still can't dance for his life. Yes Namjoon, we're being realistic here
- Jin's still the mom of the group...like I said we're being realistic here
There's definitely character development going on, example, how Jungkook sent that text to Ahreum with thating smiley. And sure, the characters stayed true to their personalities, so none of them are OOC.
A) Told the reader directly what a character's personality is like (e.g. You described Junghwa's personality, calling her a genius, goody-two-shoes, ect.)
B) Portrayed a character's thoughts. (alot of characters use this)
C) How a characters' actions reveal their personality (e.g. Suga's actions, especially towards the poor girls)
D) And how the characters react to the person you're trying to portray. (e.g. how Jungkook reacted to Taehyung flirting with his sister)
As far as I can tell with their characters:
- Junghwa's a perfectionist, goody-two-shoes, a genius, straightforward (she isn't afraid to mentally diss Suga!
- Jungkook's scared sh!tless of girls
- Ahreum's that one girl who hasn't gone bananas for Jungkook (yet lol)
- Taehyung, as usual, is and will ever be a flirt like in all of the School!AU stories I've read.
- Yoongi's swaggy (and cruel) personality. Um... at Chapter 010? Literally everyone's scared of him (Except for Jin lol). Even Junghwa. 'Nuff said.
- Jimin being the third wheel
- Namjoon's that smartest guy
- Jin's still the mom of the group...
There's definitely character development going on, example, how Jungkook sent that text to Ahreum with that
WRITING STYLE: 4/5
Love the descriptive writing that's going on in the story~
Although the story changes POV every now and then (without explicitly stating it through this: Ahreum's POV or Junghwa's POV, ect.) it isn't confusing to us readers.
I can see the tense is in the past, but there are some words that are tensed in the present, starting from the third paragraph of Chapter 1:
(She tugged her hands into her pockets as she enters the noisy building...) The tense here in the sentence is in the past (tugged) but then suddenly turned into the present (enters).
Although the story changes POV every now and then (without explicitly stating it through this: Ahreum's POV or Junghwa's POV, ect.) it isn't confusing to us readers.
I can see the tense is in the past, but there are some words that are tensed in the present, starting from the third paragraph of Chapter 1:
(She tugged her hands into her pockets as she enters the noisy building...) The tense here in the sentence is in the past (tugged) but then suddenly turned into the present (enters).
Grammar: 2/5
*Missing hyphens
*Missing conjunctions
*Some missing articles
*Misspelling some words
*Incorrect use of conjunctions
*And words and sentences in incorrect tense. (e.g. The girls in her class had already form alliance to torment her should be The girls in her class had already formed an alliance to torment her)
All of the errors above can be found in just Chapter 1 alone. Yep. Although some of these errors reoccur in the following chapters.
Some are:
*Missing prepostitons
*Errors in Parallelism
*Missing em dashes
*Incorrect use of prepositions (e.g. You're the talk in the school now should be You're the talk of the school now.)
*Missing conjunctions
*Some missing articles
*Misspelling some words
*Incorrect use of conjunctions
*And words and sentences in incorrect tense. (e.g. The girls in her class had already form alliance to torment her should be The girls in her class had already formed an alliance to torment her)
All of the errors above can be found in just Chapter 1 alone. Yep. Although some of these errors reoccur in the following chapters.
Some are:
*Missing prepostitons
*Errors in Parallelism
*Missing em dashes
*Incorrect use of prepositions (e.g. You're the talk in the school now should be You're the talk of the school now.)
Satisfaction: 10/10
Heck yes I enjoyed reading the story! I was waiting for the update daily... Pls update author-nim >.< Yea, I'm all for Suga x Junghwa (YESSSSSS PLS DON'T LET THIS SHIP SINK LET IT SAIL~~), Jungkook x Ahreum and Junghwa x Jungkook!
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Modified by StoicBread
Modified by StoicBread
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