✌REVIEW - Dark Matter (by crestfall_112)
✔✔TRAVERSE SHOP - REVIEW & PROOFREAD✔✔
Story title:
Author(s):
Genre(s):
Slice of Life
School Life
Friendship
Romance
School Life
Friendship
Romance
Story Status:
Ongoing
No.of Chapters:
3
Category:
Multi-Chaptered
Total Points:
46/60
TITLE: 5/5
The title's interesting, and may be eye-catching to some of th readers who love/like science-y stuff. And I don't know if this was intended, but I see some sort of symbolism here.
Don't know if this is right but I think the title's "Dark Matter" because Dark Matter, up until today, is a mystery to us. Just like Sooyoung and the club (because of the questions he asked to himself in Chapter 2, How did this once popular club shrink into this? Why did the departure of the teacher-in-charge affect the club so much? What did this club do?) is a complete mystery to Jungkook and to us readers.
BOOM. Nailed it xD
Don't know if this is right but I think the title's "Dark Matter" because Dark Matter, up until today, is a mystery to us. Just like Sooyoung and the club (because of the questions he asked to himself in Chapter 2, How did this once popular club shrink into this? Why did the departure of the teacher-in-charge affect the club so much? What did this club do?) is a complete mystery to Jungkook and to us readers.
DESCRIPTION/FOREWORD: 7/10
Description's short, but I can see that it's enough to provide the readers info about the plot. Though you could add some more. The Description's not that alluring, but I guess the title did its job.
I'm not fond of snippets from a story that is placed in the Foreword. I mean, the Foreword's for acknowledgements, credits, trailers, ect. And your readers may find the snippet repetitive if it's going to be repeated again in the following chapters.
I'm not fond of snippets from a story that is placed in the Foreword. I mean, the Foreword's for acknowledgements, credits, trailers, ect. And your readers may find the snippet repetitive if it's going to be repeated again in the following chapters.
PLOT: 7/10
The story can be classified as a Mystery, since there's not much known about the club and Sooyoung.
The plot's not that in-depth, but my question is:
Where is the conflict?
I understand that this story still has 3 chapters, but I can't see even a glimpse of the conflict. I'm not just talking about the conflict, I'm talking about the major conflict. I'm not sure if Jungkook falling for Sooyoung is the major conflict here (like, Jungkook preventing himself from falling for Sooyoung since he wants to have a stable school life?) or Jungkook uncovering the club's secrets and at the same time, discovering Sooyoung's mysterious character? That could work as a conflict too. But so far, I don't see any conflict in the story.
The plot's not that in-depth, but my question is:
Where is the conflict?
I understand that this story still has 3 chapters, but I can't see even a glimpse of the conflict. I'm not just talking about the conflict, I'm talking about the major conflict. I'm not sure if Jungkook falling for Sooyoung is the major conflict here (like, Jungkook preventing himself from falling for Sooyoung since he wants to have a stable school life?) or Jungkook uncovering the club's secrets and at the same time, discovering Sooyoung's mysterious character? That could work as a conflict too. But so far, I don't see any conflict in the story.
Flow of the Story: 3/5
I admit, the story progression's a bit slow. There's nothing much that's happening in the story (except in Chapter 3), not even Jungkook's relationship with the club members improving.
On the other hand, I see nothing disrupting the story flow (except for some grammatical errors).
On the other hand, I see nothing disrupting the story flow (except for some grammatical errors).
CHARACTERS: 9/10
The characters' personalities hard to explain (since this still has 3 chapters) though I can see a light of the characters' personalities (mainly Jungkook, Sooyoung, and Jaehyun) through their dialogues. But I can't see a distinct voice between the three. Character Development? Not much.
WRITING STYLE: 4/5
Writing style's good, not too wordy and short. I see that you use a lot of simple sentences and complex sentences, but not much complex sentences, which makes your writing style good. There's a fairly amount of Descriptive writing used and the Characterization's good.
Grammar: 2/5
*Incorrect tense of words (e.g. The boy stared at Jungkook for some moment before nodded should be The boy stared at Jungkook for some moment before nodding)
*Incorrect use of prepositions,
*Misplaced verbs (especially was)
*Missing verbs, (especially was and is)
*Missing articles (especially the and a)
*Misplaced articles (e.g. Maybe it was a fate should be Maybe it was fate)
*Errors of its/it and it's/it is (e.g. This place is so peaceful and calm it’s made me sleepy should be This place is so peaceful and calm it made me sleepy.
) Misplaced verbs (e.g. He found Sooyoung in the room like he was expected should be He found Sooyoung in the room like he expected)
*Incorrect spelling of some words (e.g. belonging should be belongings since it's used as a noun, not a gerund)
All above can be found in Chapter 1 alone.
Some are:
*Misplaced commas (e.g. At least, this time he wasn’t loitering around the city in the drunken state should be At least this time, he wasn’t loitering around the city in a drunken state.)
*Errors in plurality (e.g. The seniors waved their hand to him. should be The seniors waved their hands at him.)
*Incorrect use of prepositions,
*Misplaced verbs (especially was)
*Missing verbs, (especially was and is)
*Missing articles (especially the and a)
*Misplaced articles (e.g. Maybe it was a fate should be Maybe it was fate)
*Errors of its/it and it's/it is (e.g. This place is so peaceful and calm it’s made me sleepy should be This place is so peaceful and calm it made me sleepy.
) Misplaced verbs (e.g. He found Sooyoung in the room like he was expected should be He found Sooyoung in the room like he expected)
*Incorrect spelling of some words (e.g. belonging should be belongings since it's used as a noun, not a gerund)
All above can be found in Chapter 1 alone.
Some are:
*Misplaced commas (e.g. At least, this time he wasn’t loitering around the city in the drunken state should be At least this time, he wasn’t loitering around the city in a drunken state.)
*Errors in plurality (e.g. The seniors waved their hand to him. should be The seniors waved their hands at him.)
Satisfaction: 9/10
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edelweiss themes
Modified by StoicBread
Modified by StoicBread
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