✌REVIEW - Falling for two (By Vwifey)
✔✔TRAVERSE SHOP - REVIEW & PROOFREAD✔✔
review
Date Requested:
May 10, 2016 8:53:22
Date Finished:
May 11, 2016 23:01:49
May 10, 2016 8:53:22
Date Finished:
May 11, 2016 23:01:49
Author: Vwifey
Genre(s): Romcom, Fluff, Highschool Life
Story Status: On-going
No. of Chapters: 3
The title is kind of average, but not so eye-catching. Somehow, it kind of gives away the plot of the story. Also, I must say that the stars and the capitalization of two is uneeded and does not help lure in readers.
DESCRIPTION/FOREWORD: 7/10
The description is straightforward and brief. I think a little more information should be added. Although this is a nice and short description for the story. Foreword's okay, but if you are going to do character profiles, you should add a little bit of info or backstories about each character. In my opinion, you should never add anything related to their personalities. Let the readers discover each of the characters' personalities along the way.
PLOT: 7/10
I've seen alot of stories like these before and the ending's pretty predicatble too. As you said before, your plot is kind of cliche. Although, you can add your own twists and make it enjoyable and unique for the readers.
As far as I can see, I haven't encountered any conflict within the story. I also spy some plot holes (e.g. In the beginning of Chapter 1, it is stated that Aeri is late and yet received no consequences from the homeroom teacher.)
FLOW OF THE STORY: 2/5
The flow of the story is ruined even at the beginning of Chapter 1 because of the flow of time as I said above. And so the flow of the story is ruined. Time can be can contribute to a smooth flow or create chaos.
CHARACTERS: 6/10
The characterization is... I'm a bit confused. So Aeri's oblivious about love, Jungkook being a not-so-good-boy, Catherin being flirty, and Taehyung... just being Taehyung (xD). In some scenes, Taehyung and Aeri seemed to be OOC. Like in Chapter 3, Taehyung being way too nice and Aeri overeacting(?) with the kick and all. But maybe it's for the fluff? Since this is just a 3-chaptered story, perhaps you could improve on their characterization and character development.
WRITING STYLE: 3/5
Your writing's style okay. It's not very and it's easily understandable, because you don't use deep words that much. But nonetheless, descriptive writing seem to be lacking.
And there's another thing: the transitions. I got confused at the sudden transition (e.g. A scene with Taehyung and Aeri, then sudden transition with Jungkook and the rest of the boys.) Confused readers means the flow of the story is disrupted...
GRAMMAR: 2/5
There's still some punctuation errors like missing commas, periods, and a lack of space after a quotation mark. Then there's the consistency of ellipsis (...). Sometimes it fits the dialogue, but sometimes it can be replaced by a more appropriate punctuation mark. Other than that, the speling is good :)
SATISFACTION: 8/10
I love reading it! I certainly enjoyed the story. Must... handle... the fluff!
TOTAL: 37/60
author's notes
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