The Description is interesting, since the speaker (whom I assume is Jinki) wants to experience a true marriage instead of an arranged one is new to me, because typical cliche arranged marriage stories have their characters loathing one another, hating one another, then eventually falling in love at the end. But this story's different as the speaker welcomes the idea of arranged marriage rather than rejecting it, so kudos to you for twisting the plot author-nim! Although the Description could use some more words.

The Foreword's is generally interesting again, since you started it with an article and a snippet from the story. However, I would recommend you to put it in the Description since those things are commonly placed in the Description, not the Foreword. The Foreword's like for crediting people who helped you (e.g. shops, reviewers, poster makers, etc.)

There are some noticeable grammatical errors (to be explained in the Grammar part) that can make the readers confused and make them think for a second what that sentence mean; and that's where the flow gets disrupted. Reading the story should have any breaks or stops, but other than that, the flow is good. Story progression is good too :)

From what I've observed, apparently I didn't see any major character development throughout the story. Jinki and Nayeon's feelings for one another still doesn't change up until Chapter 25, and Aeyoung's still a b!tch even from the start of the story like, can we please drop her a nuke for her b!tchiness xD though I can see that Nayeon went from submissive into a sassy one throughout the story, especially when she and Jinki argued. The others, well, I couldn't say the same for them.

Wang's character changed (I think) at the late chapters, when we could see a moment with him and his wife. I can finally understand why the hell he seems so cold at first, but then I was genuinely surprised that he still has that little humanity left in him in the latest chapters.

Overall, there's an average amount of character development in the story; the characterization's fine, because you use every characterization category moderately and do not focus in some certain ones so there's no need to improve it more, but it's advisable to improve characteriation for the better :)

"Had I not come, you would have been bent over a stall being rammed from behind, you filthy ."

Omgodzilla. Those implications xD

There are some things I find a little bit off:

1) Some words, for instance, the word then is ridiculously repeated throughout the story even though it could be replaced by other words, such as before.

2) Some sentences are rather incomplete in thought. E.g.

Biting her index finger, Nayeon tried to figure out what else she needed. “Shoes.” she murmured as she walked to her side of the closet. “Makeup, undergarments, cellphone, cellphone charger, face products, toothbrush. . .” she recited, trying not to forget.

It could have been: she recited over and over again, to avoid forgetting it. Or something like that xD

3) And there are some sentences that could use some paraphrasing for better understanding of the readers. Example,

Original

He looked at the time and it was still too early for either of them to be awake. There was probably a few hours left before sun rise. Suspicion rose. Raising up from the guest bed, Jinki put on his slippers and walked to their master bedroom. Peeking inside, he saw Nayeon pondering over something, then walk to the closet.

Entering the room, Jinki looked at things scattered around it.

Could've been:

He looked at the time; it was still too early for the either of them to be awake. There were probably a few hours left before the sun rises. His suspiscion rose. Rising up from the guest bed, Jinki slipped in his slippers and walked to their master bedroom. Peeking inside, he saw Nayeon pondering over something before walking to the closet.

Entering the room, Jinki looked at the scattered things. "Where are you going?

But on the bright side, the Descriptive Writing's amazing ^_^

*Missing articles

*Incorrect tense form

*Errors in Parallelism

*Missing commas

*Missing apostrophes

And many more xC Errors in every chapter:

CHAPTER 6

Original

Jinki nod his head then looked at Aeyoung.

"Why do you let her speak to you like that?"

"Was she the same sister that killed your rabbit?"

Edited:

Jinki nodded his head then looked at Aeyoung.

"Why did you let her speak like that?"

"Was she the same sister who killed your rabbit?

CHAPTER 7

Original:

"Gotta pack, now."

"Do you think it will be okay if I came along with you?"

Edited:

"Gotta pack now."

"Do you think it will be okay if I come along with you?"

CHAPTER 8

"Not any time soon but we yes we will be able to go back."

Should be

"Not any time soon, but yes, we will be able to come back."

CHAPTER 9

Original

At this point, car rides should not be remained awkward and silent.

Jinki was trying to contain his frustration underneath his warm greetings to other investors.

She looked over her shoulders and saw a man standing besides her.

It was perfect that there was problems this early in their marriage; made it easier for him to become closer to her.

He pressed her clutch at the back of his head trying to organized his anger and frustration into a sentence...

"...This marriage—or whatever the hell we are forced to live in, doesn't consist only of you, Jinki."

Edited

At this point, car rides should not be remained awkward and silent.

Jinki was trying to contain his frustration underneath his warm greetings to other the investors.

She looked over her shoulders and saw a man standing beside her.

It was perfect that there were problems this early in their marriage; making it easier for him to become closer to her.

He pressed her clutch at the back of his head, trying to organize his anger and frustration into a sentence...

"...This marriage—or whatever the hell we are forced to live in— doesn't consist only of you, Jinki." (If it starts with an em dash (—), then it should end with an em dash to keep the Parallelism in check.

CHAPTER 10

Original

It had been two long weeks and he was avoiding her, which was surprising.

Even if he did, it would have been a brief visit such as a shower or change of clothing.

"When's the shoot?"

"So Nayeon-sshi, I heard you got married not to long ago."

"Jonghyun-sshi, I think its best if you leve."

Edited

It had been two long weeks since he had been avoiding her, which was surprising.

Even if he did, it would have been a brief visit such as a shower or a change of clothing.

"When's the shooting?"

"So Nayeon-sshi, I heard you got married not too long ago."

"Jonghyun-sshi, I think it's best if you leave."

And there are many, many more errors that if I had listed it, it would be too long xD
 

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Now I know that English may not be your first language, but it's honestly an excuse. You can either do the following for the improvisation of your Grammar by:

- Getting a proofreader

- Use near-accurate, grammar-correcting tools, such as Ginger or Grammarly. Those tools are for free.