✌REVIEW - Red Eyed (by xsummerfire)
✔✔TRAVERSE SHOP - REVIEW & PROOFREAD✔✔
Story title:
Author(s):
Genre(s):
Fantasy
Romance
Comedy
Romance
Comedy
Story Status:
Ongoing
No.of Chapters:
7
Category:
Multi-Chaptered
Total Points:
52/60
TITLE: 5/5
Your title matches the theme of the story as 'red eyed' means someone with red eyes and we all know that vampires have red eyes. May be eye-catching for readers :)
DESCRIPTION/FOREWORD: 8/10
The description's good, as it shows a little bit of backstory in it.
The foreword's okay, but I think it's a bit long, given that you included snippets from the story. I'm not fond really fond of excerpts that are placed in the foreword because it makes it difficult for mobile readers to scroll down and these excerpts give away the characters' personalities to the readers when it could have been included in the story.
The foreword's okay, but I think it's a bit long, given that you included snippets from the story. I'm not fond really fond of excerpts that are placed in the foreword because it makes it difficult for mobile readers to scroll down and these excerpts give away the characters' personalities to the readers when it could have been included in the story.
PLOT: 8/10
I like it that you first introduced what type of vampire will you be using for the story (cause there are lots of vampire types) so the reader won't be confused. But I can see that you used an overused cliche in the beginning (a character waking up).
I spot no plotholes...
I find the chapter 3 a little bit... unrealistic. I mean, imagine: you loved your car so much, that you gave it a name and then someone destroys your car's left side mirror. Wouldn't you, like, rage over the person who did it even though that person is the one you got your eyes for?(I'd be like, wtf man, close your windows cause I'm gonna f-ing climb in there and shotgun your face while you sleep lol) And yes, Jimin is angry ok, but it isn't because of her but because V called her hot.
So far, the plot is not predictable (well, at least for me) since I haven't read this type of story in AFF.
I spot no plotholes...
I find the chapter 3 a little bit... unrealistic. I mean, imagine: you loved your car so much, that you gave it a name and then someone destroys your car's left side mirror. Wouldn't you, like, rage over the person who did it even though that person is the one you got your eyes for?
So far, the plot is not predictable (well, at least for me) since I haven't read this type of story in AFF.
Flow of the Story: 3/5
The flow's okay but I find Chaper 6 a bit rushed because they kissed like akshshsjfa authornim I was NOT ready for that.
CHARACTERS: 9/10
So far, the characters stay true to their personalities. I see some character development too (Hera softening up to Jimin to the point where she agreed to take her to a beach) but still Hera stayed true to her personality even though.
Jimin's character is still the same. I can see that he is a bit arrogant, a flirt (according to Hera), but can becaring at times (since he thought what Hera's reaction would be if she discovers he's a vampire).Dammit Jimin, stop being a stalker xD
I don't see much of Kai's character but I can tell he's jealous (seeing that his friend was close to another man out of the blue, which is pretty understandable because they've been together since childhood). I don't think that Kai likes Hera more than just a friendbecause, dammit man make a move! Imma rooting for you.
Jimin's character is still the same. I can see that he is a bit arrogant, a flirt (according to Hera), but can becaring at times (since he thought what Hera's reaction would be if she discovers he's a vampire).
I don't see much of Kai's character but I can tell he's jealous (seeing that his friend was close to another man out of the blue, which is pretty understandable because they've been together since childhood). I don't think that Kai likes Hera more than just a friend
WRITING STYLE: 5/5
I see that you wrote it in 1st pov and you did a great job of it! Their personalities are parallel to what they're thinking (Hera calling Jimin an lol). I find the descriptive writing lacking though.
Grammar: 5/5
spot some minor spelling errors but other than that, your grammar's good.
Satisfaction: 9/10
I enjoyed reading your story! Especially that you fleshed out the characters' personalities which I can't do because I can't write and I will definitely wait for future updates to see where the story is going :)
edelweiss themes
Modified by StoicBread
Modified by StoicBread
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