✌REVIEW - Saving Ingredients to the Heart (by otakudreamer)

✔✔TRAVERSE SHOP - REVIEW & PROOFREAD✔✔
 
review
Date Requested:
May 25, 2016 5:38:15 Date Finished:
May 27, 2016 13:8:32
Saving Ingredients to the Heart

Author: otakudreamer

Genre(s): Romance, School Life

Story Status: Ongoing

No. of Chapters: 4
 
TITLE: 4/5

A unique title, which has a relevance to the story. But, isn't it a bit of mouthful to say? If you're going to do a long title, make sure it has a nice ring in it and can be remembered easily.

DESCRIPTION/FOREWORD: 6/10

The Description is a little bit too short, and I find the sentence, "Now, watch as her life takes interesting turns in each class she attends." overused (I've seen them literally everywhere) just so you know to avoid cliches.

The first paragraph of the Foreword should be in the Description or maybe, choose between the sentence of your Description or the first paragraph as your Foreword as your Description (or mix them both) to avoid these kinds of repetitions.

Also, the sentence, "Park Jin Yeol had a normal middle school life." is also a cliche, and it makes the story bland ('cause cliches are annoying, it's no funny anymore lol. It's like we, readers, read the same thing over and over again.)

PLOT: 8/10

I can't predict where the story is going nor could I see I the true, major conflict of the story. Don't get me wrong, but there is a minor conflict in the story, "The Cooking Club of South Wing Middle were in dire need of members or else head the doors of demise." is a minor conflict, as I can already see that it is solved in the next chapters. Author-nim, y u give me false major conflicts?? Not that's a bad thing, but I'm left in the daaaark.

FLOW OF THE STORY: 3/5

Up until now, nothing major happened. Though I would say that the pace of the story is slow, I couldn't find any drama (except for Seokjin's father's death) happening. But, this is just 4 chapters, so give time :)

CHARACTERS: 8/10

There's not much character development going on (it's just chapter 4 duh) so let's not explore that and instead, head on to the characterization. The characterization is finely done, as the characters' personalities are shown through their action and thoughts (though this type of characterization is unique to Yeol alone since the story is somewhat told in her POV).

WRITING STYLE: 4/5

The writing style is average, short but can be easily understood. I also liked how you moderately used descriptive writing in your story, you did a great job! I also loved the word choice :)

GRAMMAR: 2/5

Minor mistakes (could should be can, were should be are, missing spaces after ellipsis, missing em dashes, missing commas, name capitalization and errors, and some more...) and some grammar errors.

SATISFACTION: 9/10

Currently anticipating for the next chapters ^^ I would recommend to separate the tags of the story, so many can see your story.

TOTAL: 44/60
author's notes
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Author's Thoughts
StoicBread
(7 - 12 -16) O YES DAY 1 EXAMS FINISHED YEEEEEA~
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Comments

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WhisperOfTheSea #1
Would you like to be affies?
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1158939/
Sparked_Imperfection #2
Author(s): Sparked_Imperfection
Story Title: Storytime with Kym
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1144996/storytime-with-kym-collection-horror-originalcharacter-compilation
Story Status: Ongoing
No. of Chapters: 2 (May add more while you are doing this ^^")
Genre(s): Mixed (Currently Horror and Anti-Romance (?))
Review/Proofread/Both: Review
Additional Notes: You may feel the story has no backstory. That's because these are scenes, not whole stories.
AlienDongsaeng #3
Author(s): AlienDongsaeng
Story Title: Lucky To Be Unlucky
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1136588
Story Status: Completed
No. of Chapters: 3
Genre(s): Comedy, Fluff
Review/Proofread/Both: Both
Additional Notes: Had a hard time writing this. My laptop broke down... Couldn't check for grammar mistakes. HELP
MirrorGirl #4
Author(s): MirrorGirl
Story Title: Mates
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1138620/mates-fantasy-romance-exo-baekhyun-werewolf-xiumin-wolfau
Story Status: ongoing
No. of Chapters: 5 (For now)
Genre(s): fantasy, abused and romance
Review/Proofread/Both: Review
Additional Notes: thank you for your time! I'm not sure how many chapters are gonna be up by the time you review the story though. Thus, the (for now)
Angst_hyung #5
Author(s): Kookie025
Story Title: Jikook Oneshot Challenge ♡♡♡
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1131795/jikook-oneshot-challenge-hiatus-oneshot-jimin-bts-jungkook-jikook
Story Status: ongoing (hiatus)
No. of Chapters: 18
Brief Summary: Just a collection of Jikook Stories~~
Genre(s): Mostly angst, romance, fluff, humour, fantast, etc.
Review/Proofread/Both: Proofread
Additional Notes: thank you so much sarangheeee~~
Angst_hyung #6
Unnie~~ Can I request for proofread? I'll request now~ sarangheeeeeee
k4ryss4 #7
Chapter 41: Wow, thank you so much for your review! It really made me realise my mistakes. I'm kind of conflicted between making Chanyeol really happy or writing the whole story as perfect in grammar as I could (because his passion is writing and all), which isn't really the point of a diary. I'll take your suggestions into consideration and I'll definitely rewrite some parts of the chapters I've posted. Thank you so much!! <3 <3 <3 <3

P.S. Yeah, it's pre-planned(ish) because I really like to plan my stories and I don't know why .-. (ish because I still don't know how I'm going to write the conflict scenes and , or if I'm going to stick with the conflict I thought of when I was planning lmao)
AlienDongsaeng #8
Chapter 42: Btw, ALICEEEE!!
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