✌REVIEW - Colours and Music (by CMelodie)
✔✔TRAVERSE SHOP - REVIEW & PROOFREAD✔✔
Story title:
Author(s):
Genre(s):
Angst
School Life
School Life
Story Status:
Completed
No.of Chapters:
2
Category:
Twoshot
Total Points:
40/45
TITLE: 5/5
The title's unique, and I must say that it's eye-catching. I can see the symbolism in it and in the story.
DESCRIPTION/FOREWORD: 7/10
The Description is good, though I find the parallelism here wrong. It could use some rephrasing. I liked how you told the readers that Kai bullied Jungkook without explicitly stating it. However, I found something wrong with Friedrich's quote. It should be like this:
"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music."
- Friedrich Nietzsche
So it could be appealing and appropriate to the eye.
The Foreword's okay, but there are some missing periods...
"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music."
- Friedrich Nietzsche
So it could be appealing and appropriate to the eye.
The Foreword's okay, but there are some missing periods...
PLOT: 10/10
I didn't feel the angst with this one, but it made me legit angry
I definitely love the word play and the symbolism going on throughout the story
WRITING STYLE: 4/5
The writing style's simplistic, as you managed to portray the characters' emotions (mainly Jungkook) and the actions they're doing. I also loved the fact that while it's in Jungkook's POV, the reader can clearly see his thoughts and his personality can be actually seen (like how he called the principals, teahers, and te students, "stupid" which they really are, except for Jimin, cause I ship JiKook xD) unlike some stories where it's told in a characters' POV, but still their thought remained formal and narrator-like.
But the writing style's sometimes a bit wordy, like:
'Jimin caught up with me and silently walked beside me even though everyone was giving him weird stares because I was already labelled as the guy who falsely accused the school's model student and most probably the student council president for bullying.'
It could have been:
'Jimin caught up and silently walked beside me, even though everyone gave him weird stares because I was labelled as the guy who falsely accused the school's model student and student council president for bullying.'
But the writing style's sometimes a bit wordy, like:
'Jimin caught up with me and silently walked beside me even though everyone was giving him weird stares because I was already labelled as the guy who falsely accused the school's model student and most probably the student council president for bullying.'
It could have been:
'Jimin caught up and silently walked beside me, even though everyone gave him weird stares because I was labelled as the guy who falsely accused the school's model student and student council president for bullying.'
Grammar: 4/5
There are some missing commas and errors in name capitalizations. But other than that, the spelling's good.
Satisfaction: 10/10
Now I felt pity for Kai. I certainly enoyed reading your story which made me legit angry. Definitely going to feature this in my shop (did you know that your story, Siblings, is featured in my shop? In case you didn't notice xD)
And yea, "He was born into a complete family where there is nothing wrong." 'cause I see nothing wrong with the whom Jungkook calls 'mom'. Dammit woman, do you have a loose screw in the head or something!? Two of your sons are bullied, and you're going to do nothing about it!? UNLEASH THE RAGING FANGIRLS, FANBOYS, & ARMYs DAMMIT. They'll do a better job than her lol.
And no, it isn't a failure.
And no, it isn't a failure.
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edelweiss themes
Modified by StoicBread
Modified by StoicBread
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