✌REVIEW - Pink Laces (By shashashy)

✔✔TRAVERSE SHOP - REVIEW & PROOFREAD✔✔
 
 
 
 
Story title:
Author(s):
Genre(s):
Fluff
Romance
Story Status:
Ongoing
No.of Chapters:
4
Category:
Multi-Chaptered
Total Points:
45/60
 
TITLE: 4/5
The title is not that eye-catching for me, but it is simple and brief, and actually has a relation with the plot. The reader will wonder, what does 'pink laces' mean? then they'll click your story.
DESCRIPTION/FOREWORD: 8/10
The description would be okay if it weren't for that tiny information revealed: but she went to the autumn ball anyway. You could have just revealed this info in the story, otherwise it would be redundant.

Foreword's okay. Though I spy some missing em dashes and incomplete ellipsis.
PLOT: 7/10
Plot is pretty predictable. Two archenemies slowly fall in love with each other. Oh and add some obstacles here and there! If that's what your plot's all about, then it is predictable and some readers won't read your story since they know what's going to happen. Unless you put your own believable plot twist...

And Plotholes (e.g. In the Autumn Ball, even if Chae Mi can't see Cha Eun Woo because of the dim lights, wouldn't she recognize his voice?)

Also, I haven't seen the conflict of the story.
Flow of the Story: 3/5
The flow is already disrupted in Prologue. I was confused for a moment. It's said that the Autumn Ball will be taking place at the back of the school. Then the next scene shows that Chae Mi decided to sit down in a chair. But where is that? Is she in a building? Or she's still outside? Since that is what the previous scene implied. If she's still outside, what about the dim lights?

If she's in a building, how come we (the readers) read nothing about Chae Mi entering a building?

This would confuse the reader aaaaand might not read the story further.
CHARACTERS: 7/10
About Eun Woo's character, why the sudden interest in Chae Mi?

I can see that Chae Mi is very competitve, but why would she skip class though? I get it that she said Dancing matters more than beating Eun Woo or going to class. But still?

I hope this will be explained in the future chapters.
WRITING STYLE: 4/5
Your writing style is good, it's not wordy or too short. However, I can see some lack of descriptive language. For example, you could have described the dress she is wearing for the ball and other things like that.
Grammar: 5/5
Grammar's good. Although there are still some missing em dashes and unnecessary dashes.
Satisfaction: 7/10
I already see where this story's going but for me, I enjoyed reading it. I would wait for updates to see where the story is going and hopefully will not end up as a cliche.
 
 
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StoicBread
(7 - 12 -16) O YES DAY 1 EXAMS FINISHED YEEEEEA~
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Comments

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WhisperOfTheSea #1
Would you like to be affies?
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1158939/
Sparked_Imperfection #2
Author(s): Sparked_Imperfection
Story Title: Storytime with Kym
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1144996/storytime-with-kym-collection-horror-originalcharacter-compilation
Story Status: Ongoing
No. of Chapters: 2 (May add more while you are doing this ^^")
Genre(s): Mixed (Currently Horror and Anti-Romance (?))
Review/Proofread/Both: Review
Additional Notes: You may feel the story has no backstory. That's because these are scenes, not whole stories.
AlienDongsaeng #3
Author(s): AlienDongsaeng
Story Title: Lucky To Be Unlucky
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1136588
Story Status: Completed
No. of Chapters: 3
Genre(s): Comedy, Fluff
Review/Proofread/Both: Both
Additional Notes: Had a hard time writing this. My laptop broke down... Couldn't check for grammar mistakes. HELP
MirrorGirl #4
Author(s): MirrorGirl
Story Title: Mates
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1138620/mates-fantasy-romance-exo-baekhyun-werewolf-xiumin-wolfau
Story Status: ongoing
No. of Chapters: 5 (For now)
Genre(s): fantasy, abused and romance
Review/Proofread/Both: Review
Additional Notes: thank you for your time! I'm not sure how many chapters are gonna be up by the time you review the story though. Thus, the (for now)
Angst_hyung #5
Author(s): Kookie025
Story Title: Jikook Oneshot Challenge ♡♡♡
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1131795/jikook-oneshot-challenge-hiatus-oneshot-jimin-bts-jungkook-jikook
Story Status: ongoing (hiatus)
No. of Chapters: 18
Brief Summary: Just a collection of Jikook Stories~~
Genre(s): Mostly angst, romance, fluff, humour, fantast, etc.
Review/Proofread/Both: Proofread
Additional Notes: thank you so much sarangheeee~~
Angst_hyung #6
Unnie~~ Can I request for proofread? I'll request now~ sarangheeeeeee
k4ryss4 #7
Chapter 41: Wow, thank you so much for your review! It really made me realise my mistakes. I'm kind of conflicted between making Chanyeol really happy or writing the whole story as perfect in grammar as I could (because his passion is writing and all), which isn't really the point of a diary. I'll take your suggestions into consideration and I'll definitely rewrite some parts of the chapters I've posted. Thank you so much!! <3 <3 <3 <3

P.S. Yeah, it's pre-planned(ish) because I really like to plan my stories and I don't know why .-. (ish because I still don't know how I'm going to write the conflict scenes and , or if I'm going to stick with the conflict I thought of when I was planning lmao)
AlienDongsaeng #8
Chapter 42: Btw, ALICEEEE!!
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