The whole time I waited for Kyungsoo to come home, I try to divert my attention to Yohan. I wanted to calm myself down in preparation of what may come. I want to be ready and strong when I face him. Real or not, I have the right to fight for my family, I have the right to fight for Kyungsoo and I. We had a long way before reaching what we have right now, I won’t waste it just because of such things.

Baekhyun’s right, this is only a little thing. There are bigger things to focus on, and that’s our relationship, our son, our love.

Now, the sun leaves me behind and I know anytime soon he will arrive. I try to do everything I need to do with Yohan. Feed him dinner, play with him, watch his favorite night cartoon show, then wash him up. All that’s left is to be put to bed. “Eomma, appa come home?” Yohan who was currently sitting on my lap while facing me asks while playing with the hem of my thick sweaters. “Ne, Appa will come home soon.” I answer with a loving smile as I his cheeks. “Appa coyd coyd ouchide.” He tells. “Yes, it’s cold outside so Appa needs to go home already.” I repeat him out clearly and he grins back.

I just hope our relationship won’t be as cold as the season right now. You can do this, Han Iseul. . .

Yohan rests one side of his head onto my chest which made me smile wider as I hug him back. “Is baby sleepy now?” I ask while patting his hip. “Yohan wait Appa. . .” He answers. I close my eyes as I gave him a lingering kiss on the crown of his head. “Me too. . . Eomma waits for Appa too. Let’s wait together, hm?” I answer. I glance at the clock, it’s almost eight now and his class for the day should have ended by six. Worse, it’s exams week now so it should even be earlier.

I try to suppress the urge to suspect again. I don’t want this feeling anymore. I need to calm down and not add more worries into my mind.

Just then, that growing thought in my mind was erased when I saw the front door open. But instead of feeling the nervousness to grow inside of me, worry covered up my whole system when I saw a very red Do Kyungsoo and he was coughing badly. Yohan tries jumping down from me to go to him but I put him on the couch first. “Appa seems sick, stay here for a while, ne?” I whisper to him before standing up to rush to my husband.

He was removing his scarf and thick coat when I arrived behind him.

“K-kyungsoo.” I call and he absently turns to me as he hangs his coat. “Hm.” He weakly coos in between sniffs. I twirl him around and quickly tiptoe to touch his forehead. He was burning. “Oh my god, you have a fever.” I mutter and quickly tug on his arm. “Appa~" Yohan tries getting off the couch but I hold my hand up. “Yohannie, listen to Eomma. Appa is sick. Hug later, ne?” I say and the toddler pouts but nods afterward. “I-I’m fine.” Kyungsoo answers and coughs loudly again and I tap him on the back.

“Go to the room first, I’ll just put Yohan to bed. I’ll get back to you, okay?” I tell softly and he only nodded before walking straight to our room. So I did what’s left to do and put Yohan to bed myself. It was a bit of a challenge though since he wanted to see his Appa. The toddler was worried too and said he wants to hug his Appa but it won’t be safe for the kid. He might only catch a cold.

After succeeding on putting my son to sleep, I went straight to the kitchen to heat up some water. While waiting, I rush to our bedroom and saw Kyungsoo already on the bed with his sleeping clothes. I couldn’t even think of anything besides taking care of him. I don’t think this is the right time to talk to him about the issue. “Honey, I’ll just heat the water up.” I walk to the bed and sat at the edge. “Why’d you go home late? You know how cold it is outside. . .” I ask while tucking him under the thick comforter. He was gripping on it tightly together with my hands.

“J-just. . . school works.” He hushes sickly and he barely had his eyes opened. “Come here.” He pulls me down to him and made me go under the comforter as well. He hugs me so tightly and I could feel his very warm breath on my nape. “I’m heating up water, I’ll sponge bath you okay?” I talk but he didn’t answer. I turn my body around to face him and he looks back. “You must be thinking about a lot of things again. You get fever when stressed and worried.” I mutter while his face. He only shakes his head before burying his face on my neck again.

I close my eyes tightly as I let myself linger into his hold.

“Would you tell me what you’re stressed about?” I ask. “Just school.” He answers. I just give a nod before hugging him back tightly again. I don’t want to further it to the point of ending up mentioning the issue. I can’t afford to worsen his fever. “Take it easy on your job, okay?” I muffle. “Hm. . . I love you.” He mutters softly on my neck and I nod again while closing my eyes. “Love you too. . .” I reply while holding my tears.

I pull away just enough for me to hold his warm face.

He opens his eyes again and looks back at me. W-why. . . does he have tears in his eyes right now? Or is it just me? “A-are you really alright?” I muffle and I couldn’t help my tears anymore and let it fall. He sniffs while nodding. “I’m fine.” He answers and tries hugging me again but I didn’t let him. I look into his eyes intently, I’m not wrong. . . they were real tears in his eyes right now although they weren’t trickling down yet.

But I didn’t speak of it anymore.

Whatever it is. . . he could have told me if he can.

I excuse myself for a while to go back to the kitchen. As I walk out, I gaze at him one last time and caught him wiping the tears that has streamed down his cheeks. The way they fell were heavy making it obvious that he’s been collecting them. Once I was back to the kitchen, I cry faintly while preparing the basin with warm water.

What is happening to us?

It pains me to know that we’re like this right now. I don’t even know what to think of. Kyungsoo wouldn’t just cry out of simple things and so I am sure whatever it is that’s been stressing him is a big deal.

I went back to our room holding the basin with water while I sling a small towel onto my shoulder. Kyungsoo turns to me following my gaze as I walk near the bed. I sat down onto the edge of it and placed the basin on the side table. I start squeezing the towel onto the warm water as Kyungsoo did an initiative to pull himself up and sit. From my peripheral view, I could see how he stares at me while leaning on the headboard of the bed. But I acted oblivious and just focused on soaking and squeezing the towel onto the water. With the last squeeze, I move much closer to him and start wiping his face first.

His eyes were stuck on me the whole time which give the throbbing sensation on my chest. I can’t tell what’s in his mind at all and I don’t have the courage to ask. At least not until he’s all well.

I next move to his pajama shirt and strip it off of him. “The weather’s very cold, so you should avoid staying out too much.” I try to speak while rubbing his skin to ease the silence in the room. “Oh—wait, I forgot to check your temperature.” I stop for a second and try to stand up but then he pulls me down again. “I’m fine. It’s not that bad. Sponge bath is enough.” He answers but continues holding my hand warmly with his.

So I just move closer again, already in between his legs as I continue rubbing the warm towel onto his chest area, and straight down to his arms. “A-are you okay?” He then asks making me shortly gaze at him but I continue moving. “Why’d you ask?” I mutter back. “Nothing, just. . . maybe it’s just me but it’s like. . . there’s a barrier between us for the past few days.” He mumbles out and finally made me stop. My hand falls down from his arm as I look straight down to him this time.

His eyes graze up to me. “Forget it.” He mumbles and looks away again. I put the towel on the basin for a while as I completely sit down on the bed right across him. “Could we talk about this right now or you’re too sick?” I ask straight. He turns to the left as he scratches the back of his head. “If you’re not that weak, you can open up your worries to me and I will listen. I will do the same and vice versa. Now if you’re too sick, then let’s forget about it first the—“You’ve been looking at me differently and I’m not stupid not to see it.” He cuts me off.

‘Do you think what you have in your mind right now will make everything between you two ever normal?’ Baekhyun’s words from earlier echo in my head as I look back at my husband’s pained eyes.

“Y-you. . . you avoid my eyes every single time.” His voice hitches like he couldn’t breathe properly. He looks away and I see those tears again trickling down his cheeks. “Your voice sounds like. . . you’re not well when I’m around.” He adds and starts sobbing. He puts the back of his palm in his eyes as he cries like a lost child. “And. . . and it’s killing me inside.” He breaks into an ugly sob as he looks down his lap.

I never thought I acted that way for the past few days.

I didn’t know I did, nor knew I changed on how I treat him.

I never see him cry this hard before, worse to cry in so much pain like right now. He looks up to me again with his awful crying face. “I’m not doing anything bad, am I?” He asks. I cover my mouth as I start sobbing as hard as he is. “Did I treat you wrongly or displease you in any sort?” He adds with his pained tone. I couldn’t speak as I was lost of who’s wrong or who’s right. I unknowingly shake my head. “Then why do you keep giving me the cold shoulders? Did you think I wouldn’t feel it the first second you gave it to me? You’re my wife.” He cries out and I look down to my lap as I weep so much.

As far as I knew, I acted normal with him.

I never knew he would feel such thing.

It makes me feel like I’m the here right now.

“D-do I have to be sick to get your sincere awareness of my presence?” He adds. “I-I didn’t give you cold shoulders. . . Kyungsoo, I wa—“I know when you’re mad, when you’re happy, when you’re worried but this is the first time I couldn’t comprehend what’s running in your mind. I d-don’t know what I did. I’ve been trying to figure out what it is all about.” He cuts me off with his upset tone in between his sniffs. His voice has changed into a nasal one and I doubted if there’s still air passing through his nostrils right now.

“I c-could have figured it out. I could have been that intelligent but it’s about you. . . you make me lose all the capability to think right e-especially now that you’re ignoring me. . . It's hurting me mentally and physically.” He cries. I shake my head furiously. “I never ignored you, I was t-the same. . . Kyungsoo.” I hold his hand as I sob hard. “It’s 'ignoring' for me because I’m hurting. It hurts so much, Iseul. Y-you need to tell me what I did so I could correct it.” He tells. “S-sorry.” I was almost burying my face on his lap as I held his hands. “I w-would do anything just to correct whatever it is that I have done, Iseul. . . Just don’t d-do this to me because it’s really killing me mentally. You’re scaring me. Please. . .” He hushes and I feel his chin placed onto my head as he sobs.

“I w-will say it, fine. . .” I give in as I lift my head up again. He wipes his tears with his forearm but his chest was still going up in down as he cries. I pull myself up to stand and I walked to my drawer to get what I have to show him. “W-what is that. . .” He struggles to speak as I take them out and walk back to the bed. “I saw these in your luggage.” I put it down the bed and he grabs it quickly.

And this time I am not assuming things when I say the moment his eyes landed on it, he was clueless of it.

He’s innocent.

I fall back to the bed weakly as I watch him stare at the pack of and the note. Guilt was starting to eat me up inside as I look at his bewildered expression, add the heavy tears continuously streaming down his cheeks. “I don’t know about these.” He looks up to me while shaking his head. I look again while I nod. “I believe you now. . . b-but those were the reasons why. . . I might have acted differently.” I admit.

I turn to him again.

“B-but it isn’t important anymore.” I shake my head and grab his hands. “Okay? I believe you. . . I w-was so wrong to judge you beforehand. I let my ego win over.” I cup his face while wiping his tears. “N-no. . .” He mutters. “What?” I ask back and he looks down to the note. “This person has to pay. I need to know who this is—I am so fumed, I almost died because of this—I will kill this person.” He starts panicking as he tries to search for his phone.

W-wait, I watch him in quite surprise.

“Kyungsoo. . . Hey, wait—Kyungsoo, calm down.” I try to snatch the note. “No, I am mad! This made you mad at me!” He exclaims and gets off the bed. I totally stop from my sobs as I watch in bewilderment while he walks weakly like a penguin towards the couch, to his bag. “W-what are you doing?” I ask. “This isn’t mine. This is a big mistake. I will contact all of the professors and ask who did this and to whom this note should have landed to.” He tells and my eyes widen.

“Woah there! Don’t do that, you’ll create a fuss!” I rush to him quickly and snatch his phone. “What create a fuss, they created a fuss in my marriage.” He starts crying again but this time, it made me want to laugh because he looked so upset. In a very adorable way. “I-I know but. . . calm down, honey. You don’t want to get into another couple’s relationship because you’re a blabber mouth right?” I calmly said and try to snatch the note from him but he was hiding it behind him.

“No, I will tell this to the university president. This made me sick.” He firmly shakes his head like a whiny kid. “No—see, baby it’s all fine now, right? Let’s just leave this off like nothing ha—“No! If you’re this man’s wife, would you be fine? I’m sure this is a professor and I’m—Oh. . . This is Yuhee, isn’t it??” He realized the situation and glances at the note again. “Yes, I know how she writes. This is hers. She might have mistakenly put it in mine because she was in charged to have the professors’ bags in her car during the travel to save space in the van.” He speaks.

“Kyungsoo, just calm down. L-let’s not get into this fu—“No, this is my fuss too. You got mad at me!” He stomps his feet in so much anger—cute anger—and tries to get his phone again. “I will figure out who this is and tell him he’s bad and he almost ruined my marriage and he should li—“Woah! Give me that!” I get his phone again and hid it behind me. “Chill! Don’t involve yourself.” I exclaim. His face and chest were so red now and I bet his fever has risen already.

“I didn’t involve myself. They involved me because they couldn’t think right and see right of which bag they should open! And it’s my bag! And you got mad at me because they didn’t think right and see right of which back they should open!” He rebuts and I try hard not to laugh as I turn away every time he tries to get his phone. “Give me that—I’m dizzy—yah, give me my phone—haa. . .” He gives up and collapses down the couch.

I keep his phone in my shorts’ pocket first before bending down to him. “Everything’s fine now. Okay?” I hush and gave him a kiss on his warm lips. “No it’s not fine. You got mad at me and I’m the perfect husband material and you’re not supposed to get mad at me, ever. And I w—“I SAID EVERYTHING’S FINE NOW YOU WANT ME TO GIVE YOU COLD SHOULDERS AGAIN??” I exclaim making him quickly shake his head.

I pull him up to stand and placed his arm over my shoulders to guide him to walk.

We head back to the bed and I help him lay down. “I feel sorry for whoever wife this is. . . but Kyungsoo, let’s not get into their thing.” I mutter as I sit down near him. I run my fingers through his already damp hair because of his cold sweat. “And promise me you won’t involve yourself, nor corner Yuhee about this. Okay?” I tell and he keeps silent still with that persistent face. “But you got ma—“Cold shoulders?” I remind him and he closes his mouth right away.

He suddenly pulls me down for a very tight hug.

“I hope this didn’t make any crack in our relationship. I guarantee you, such things would never cross my mind. You’re my whole brain.” He tells and I pull away with my arched eyebrow. “Okay, that is hella awkward and creepy to be very honest.” I mutter. “From my frontal, to my parietal, to my occipital and to my temporal lobe, all of these lobes of my brain will always involve you. Don’t you argue anymore because I know you don’t understand a thing.” He tells and cups my face.

“Uhm. . . O—kay?” I unsurely answer while blinking. “OH~ I know how to answer cheesily to your confession though.” I tell and hug his waist and his very warm forehead. “How?” He asks. “I LOBE you~” I mutter and to my surprise, Kyungsoo responded with his adorable grin. “You dig that don’t you?~” I ask and he starts giggling like a kid while he nods. I hug him much tighter this time trying to replace all of the sadness I’ve unintentionally given him for the past days.

“Sorry for not trusting you enough. . .” I mutter afterwards. He hugs back tightly as well and buried his warm face on my neck. “No. . . it’s a normal reaction. But don’t do that again if you want me to keep living.” He mutters and we both chuckle. We looked into each other’s eyes again and held on my face. “I don’t feel sick anymore. . .” He hushes and brush our lips together. “Your mind doesn’t but your body’s still sick.” I touch his hot neck and cringe. “See, so hot. Don’t come near Yohan for a while and excuse yourself from school until you get well again. Okay?” I ask. He gives me a nod before capturing my lips for a longing kiss. Oh god, I am so catching his cold but whatever.

He cuts it off right away and smiles. “I LOBE you too.” He tells and I cringe again while squealing. “Wow, that is unexpected.” I tease as I sling my leg onto his body. He then grabs my right hand that doesn’t have a bandage anymore, I removed it earlier. “Is this feeling well now?” He asks. “Yup. It surprisingly healed faster than expected.” I answer. He simply stares at it before planting a lingering kiss on the back of my palm.

He’s so adorable right now. It seems like he missed me so much which is pretty moving and makes me feel much guiltier. “Confirmed. I’ll get a cold soon.” I mutter and we both chuckle while holding each other like our lives depended on it.

Well they really do.

Hashtag, I told you so.