“We’re here. Stop, just drop me off here. I need to go.” I eagerly speak as I hold onto the handle of the door right away. Kyungsoo hasn’t even reached the parking lot of the hospital. “Iseul, let me at least park. Don’t open it yet.” Kyungsoo disagrees. “I said just drop me off here. I’m fi—“ I won’t let you go there alone. Don’t act so impulsively, I told you this is not safe at all.” He argues back and my shoulders fell as I lean back on the chair.

I reach my hand up to massage my temple. I start panicking, my breath was shortening as I think of how to see my father closely without having to go through his wife and sons. “I can see him right?” I ask and turn to Kyungsoo who was already maneuvering to the parking slot.

“I don’t want to speak with finality. Iseul, if ever you can’t see him, just be—“ Kyungsoo, what are you saying? I need to see him whatever happens. HE IS SICK.” I cut him off with my frustrated tone. “Don’t be stubborn. Going here is already trouble itself. Iseul, think about it. This is chaos, we don’t even know how will his family react if you go th—“I don’t care!” I shout.

He stops the car and turns to me. “If you don’t care, well I do. It’s you who’s going to be affected in the end whatever happens inside! Understand me?? I know that you’re worried for your father, but do you think he would want if his family will get all messed up just because you thought impulsively?” He shouts for the first time. He’s never shouted at me before.

My tears begin falling heavily as I look back at my fiancé who was already breathing hard. “I told you a thousand times to just calm down! Let me go there first and check, don’t you get it?? Han Iseul, I don’t want to say this but. . . we both know you’re not a legitimate family member and even how much we try to look and sound nice later on, how they will see you won’t ever change.” He continues and I just look down while crying. He grabs my hand. “Do you understand me?” He asks softly this time.

“I knew that always but why did it hurt when you’re the one to s-say it.” I hush and that’s when he pulls me in for a hug. “Sorry. I just don’t know any other way to explain to you. Iseul, please just relax on this. What’s important is that we find out his condition. If ever you won’t be able to see him, I can just ask around. Okay?” He whispers while kissing the side of my head. I just gave out a nod as I hug him back. “Just relax. I need you to relax so I could relax as well. Is everything clear between us?” He repeats for the nth time and rubs my back. I just weakly nod again.

I want to see my father so bad.

But I know it’ll take a lot of obstacle to be able to do that.

Arriving into the hospital, I clutch hard on Kyungsoo’s arm while looking around. I was hoping I wouldn’t bump into any person related to my father. We walked to the desk and Kyungsoo was the one to speak. “Is the visiting hours for the ICU open, Nurse?” He asks. “Yes, Sir. It started six minutes ago.” The nurse answers and I bite my lip with my hopeful expression. “Ah, okay. . . Uhm, which. . . which ICU room is Mr. Kang?” He then asks.

The nurse looks into her monitor. “Mr. Kang Donghun under Dr. Choi in the Cancer unit, Leukemia. Sir, he’s in the third door when you reach the ICU area.” The nurse said while reading on the monitor. “C-cancer?” Kyungsoo asks and turns to me. I take in a few gulps as I start panicking inside again. “Kyungsoo, let’s go. I need to see him.” I mumble out while tugging on his arm. “Wait.” He murmurs and turns to the nurse again.

“May we ask if. . . his family’s present there right now?” He asks. “Sir, probably they are. His wife and sons are here every day.”  The nurse answers and that’s when my hands begin tightening on Kyungsoo’s grip and I could feel my whole body getting cold. “But last time, we sent a few friends of him to visit. It’s not allowed to visit all at the same time sir, just maximum of two persons inside because Mr. Kang is in reverse isolation.” The nurse explains.

“Is it that critical?” Kyungsoo asks and I couldn’t stay still anymore. “Kyungsoo, let’s go.” I mutter and try to pull him away. “Oh—I’m sorry. Alright. Thank you.” Kyungsoo just bows quickly to the nurse when I successfully pulled him away. I drag him at one corner. “L-let’s go, please. I need to see him.” I plead. Kyungsoo’s hands reach up to my face and he wipes my tears.

“No, let me try it first okay?” He said. “What do you mean try? I don’t understand, I nee—“ No, just trust me.” He said and drags me to the elevator.

Reaching the rightful floor of the ICU unit, I start feeling much colder aside from the coldness of the place itself. I could already see one alley and meters apart from us, I see my father’s wife standing in front of a glass wall or window? “It’s there. Kyungsoo, I see his wife there.” I point the direction out but Kyungsoo drag me to hide behind a wall.

“Don’t just point it there. Just stay here. I’ll go.” He said while holding “What go? Kyungsoo, what are you trying to do?” I ask but he only took out something from my bag. It was my phone together with my headset. “I will observe the wife first, stay here. Put this on, I’ll play a song. If you stop this song, I will get mad at you. Alright?” He asks. “Kyungsoo, I don’t have time for this. Please ju—“My words were cut off when he kissed my lips.

He pulls away immediately and cups my face.

“I won’t just throw you out there like a piece of meat ready to be eaten by lions. I need to know them first.” He says and begins putting the earphones on me. He plays a loud song on my phone and gave it to me. He taps my cheek once before walking off. I peek behind the wall and he starts approaching my father’s wife.

No, I can’t do this.

I remove the earphones and let myself hear whatever will happen.

The wife sees Kyungsoo. “Hello, nice to meet you.” He bows and greets politely and the woman looks at him from head to toe. “Who are you? Let me guess, the child of my husband from his ?” She asks and that stabs me on the heart. Kyungsoo didn’t answer and just looks down. “I was hoping of seeing him, if that’s okay.” He speaks after a short pause.

“You have the nerve? I’m sorry but my husband can’t give you your allowance right now.” She said and my tears fall heavier on my cheeks. “I’m not here for money.” Kyungsoo answers. “Oh c’mon. If I know, the condominium my husband invested for no reason three years ago was given to you. Seems like you’re much more spoiled than his real sons. Our sons.” The woman speaks. I could see Kyungsoo’s fists already clenching. Why is he taking this instead? Why does he need to take this woman’s judgments and glares instead of I?

“Mrs. Kang, I’m not here to make a scene. And I’m not his son, but my fiancée is. Now, if we’ll talk this out nicely, please. . . Just let my fiancée see him for a little while.” Kyungsoo finally admits in a very polite way. “Oh, so a daughter huh? One that I was never able to give him. Seems legit of why she’s spoiled?” The woman asks.

“Please, we won’t be a bother. Just a few minutes of visit and we’ll leave immediately.” Kyungsoo pleads. I cover my mouth as he pleads for me. He even bowed. “Why are you doing this instead? Where is she?” The wife asks and begins looking around. I try to hide again but I already met eyes with hers. . I hide back onto the wall but I already heard the clicking of her high heels.
 

“Please, Mrs. Kang we can just talk about this.” I hear Kyungsoo’s footsteps and voice as well. I try hard to look down as I feel the woman’s presence beside me. I’ve never been this stiff all my life. That kind of stiffness that was trembling at the same time. I feel Kyungsoo blocking me. “Mrs. Kang, please we don’t want to make a scene here. Let’s talk this out nicely.” He tells.

“Move and let me talk to her.” She tells with a firm tone that made me shiver in fear. “You want to see him right? Why don’t you ask it yourself? Chickening out? Because you know you’re a child from a ?” She starts cursing, her voice was trembling like she was about to cry. “Do you know how your y mother ruined my family?? Huh?” She begins shouting and Kyungsoo was trying to pull her away. Away from me.

Why is it only me? Doesn’t my dad have any other women besides my mother?

“Look at me!” She exclaims and I can’t even move. I just had my hand on my mouth the whole time. “He. . . He fell out of love with me because of your mother! You.” She pushed Kyungsoo and went close to me again. And with much expectation, I feel a painful sting on my cheek when she slapped me hard. “Y-your mother died. . . and do you know how painful it is for me to see my own husband grieving secretly. Every night?? Crying because of a woman who just stole him from me??” She cries.

I never knew this before.

I always thought my father was just plain a playboy.

I never knew he loved my mother.

“Get out of my sight.” She tells with a broken voice and begins pushing me off the shoulders. “Go away! I won’t ever let him see you again! Go before I call my bodyguards to throw you out.” She pushes me hard that I fell to the ground. Kyungsoo rushes to me and held my body. “You’re a just like your mother.” The woman lastly said while glaring at me. Her eyes were blurred out with tears, she looked very pained and I can’t even blame her.

I can’t seem to hate her at all.

All of the words she said, they were full of misery.

She walks off with heavy footsteps and I just cry hard while clutching on my chest. Kyungsoo pulls me up but my knees were feeling weak. He had to support my body to walk. He brings me to the hospital cafeteria first. She might not have hurt me that much physically but I felt like I was more tortured than tortured. Her words cut deep through my heart. The hatred that she let out to me was enough to make me feel sick all around my body.

Kyungsoo comes back to me after buying a bottle of water. He grabs a chair close to me and opens the bottle. “She was just mad. It’s her first time to see you.” He mutters calmly. He sounded so calm and delicate like he was afraid to hurt me any further. He made me hold onto the bottle but I didn’t move. I just stared in space.

Her words kept on repeating in my mind.

But one of the words that stabbed me straight. .  .

Was the fact that my father. . . loved my mother.

Isn’t family made out of love?

We’re a family too.

“Iseul, you need to drink. You look so pale.” Kyungsoo mutters and grabs my other hand and started rubbing it in between his hands. He then grabs me by the neck making our faces close to each other. “Are you with me?” He asks. I nod absently while looking back into his eyes. “She didn’t mean what she said. Alright? I’m sure it was just her initial reaction. You’re not a , alright?” He tells softly while wiping my tear-stained face.

“A-appa. . . Appa loved Eomma.” I mumble. He nods eagerly and pulls me into a tight hug. “Kyungsoo, we’re a family too.” I start crying again. “W-we need to inform him about our wedding. Kyungsoo, he must not know yet. It must be that woman who saw and texted me. Kyungsoo, he will—“Iseul. Please. You didn’t listen to me earlier. Please listen to me this time.” He pulls away from the hug and cups my face. “A-are you not going to allow me to come back here anymore?” I hush while looking back into his eyes with my blurry ones.

He heaves a sigh.

He gives me a loving smile and shakes his head. “I observed your father’s wife. In my opinion, her behavior was purely out of anger and pain. And looking at the bright side, I do think she has a nice heart.” He said. “S-so?” I ask while frowning. “We will go here everyday until she lets us see your father.” He said and my world stopped. I cannot believe what I just heard. My tears get heavier and I jump on Kyungsoo for another hug.

“Aigoo, I’ve never done such crazy thing before. Look at what you’ve caused me.” He said while chuckling. Upon realization, I pull away from the hug. “H-how about your research? You still have a month.” I ask. “Can’t I do the research every morning ‘til afternoon then travel here with you afterwards?” He tells and gives me another sweet smile. “I-I can just go alone. That will tire you out.” I said feeling worried of his plan.

“Can’t afford such idea. What if the next ones to attack you are your half-brothers? I need to wake these fists up now for some fight if ever they do that.” He said and even shows his cute little hand in clenches. That made me smile and hit his chest. “No, I was kidding. But really. . .” He leans close to me and gives me a peck on the lips. “Whatever you get into, I get into as well.” He hushes while looking straight into my eyes.

I bite my lower lip as I held his wrists back. “And that is not a line from the movie. It came from here.” He said and points to his head. “Not here?” I ask and point to his heart. “No. The heart only pumps up blood throughout our systems. The mind is the right answer. In particular, the hypothalamus. You just owned my hypothalamus, you know that?” He said still pointing to his head.

My lips curve up into a smile as I hug him again.

He’s right.

Whatever we get into, we get into.

Together.

.