While stirring the pot of pasta sauce, I gaze at my boyfriend who was seated right across me on his kitchen counter. Although I try hard to concentrate, I could see how his eyes follow my every move. What the hell, is he trying to kill me? He looks like freaking Gordon Ramsay ready to judge my whole core with my cooking skills.

When I couldn’t take it any longer, I stop stirring it and put the ladle down for a while.

“What?” I ask and fold my arms. I gave him my scrutinizing look. He looks back even more keenly and even put a hand over his chin. “You’ve got to stop that, I can’t concentrate. I am not a Master Chef.” I defend right away and he just gave me the same look, not being faltered. “I need to know if my decision was right to entrust my stomach’s safety to you. If I feel any ache after eating that, you are out of this house.” He said.

I roll my eyes.

“Do I look dangerous to you? Seriously?” I ask and grab the ladle again. “You never know what lies behind the mask.” He speaks making me shoot him another dagger glare. He gave me a playful sneer as he folds his arms, he continued with that judging look of his that made me groan. So as I let the sauce boil up a bit, I let go of the ladle once more putting it down on a small plate before walking my way to Kyungsoo’s side.

He twirls his chair to face my direction as well as if he already expected I was going there. “Go away. I won’t continue unless you go.” I said and began pushing him but then he held both of my hands to stop me. “No way, you go.” I fight back and we ended up hand strength fighting if that’s what you call it. His grip on my hands were tight but warm enough to make me involuntarily cringe but I still tried my best to keep my strength.

“I won’t leave my kitchen.” I said and purse his lips together tightly as if he was giving all of his strength to push my hands off. “Good Lord, I give up!” I hiss at the end and pull my body away only to bounce back to him when he didn’t let go of my hands. I landed on his chest and our faces met inches apart. His grip on my hands slowly loosened as our eyes locked together. “Kyungsoo. . .” I mutter softly and our lips’ gap was slowly decreasing until he backs away and completely got off the chair.

“Fine!” He hisses and stomps his feet to his living room. I watch him while smirking. I knew it, no greater strength than a woman’s charm. Okay, I think I just made that up but it works for him. So with a hearty grin, I walk back to the stove and continued cooking. I would constantly glance at Kyungsoo who was sitting on the couch while reading a book.

While waiting for the pasta to cook up, I tiptoed to his pantry to check it out. When I opened it, there was a box of Cheerios—as expected—, a container box with the label TEA on it. There’s tons of different kinds of teas which amazed me. I smirk as I found out new information about him. So he likes Tea huh? As I look more into it, I notice he had a few kinds of biscuits and crackers too. There were Rice Crackers, Traditional Korean Crackers, and even Pumpkin Biscuits. Alright another one; he likes snacks.

But they weren’t the heavy and too salty snacks, in all fairness.

He’s a health geek huh?

I close the pantry and turn around only to be welcomed by my boyfriend right in front of me giving me his most scrutinizing look. “I-I was just looking through it.” I muffle and quickly dash away from him. “Why? You were searching for unhealthy chips for your crocodile-like stomach?” He asks and I shoot him a defiant stare. “Be used to it. You won’t ever find chips whenever you’re here.” He speaks and walks away again.

I couldn’t help but to giggle at what he said.

“You mean I can be here whenever I want?” I ask while gazing at his direction at the living room. “Keep dreaming.” He answers making me frown. “Yah, won’t you give me a spare key? What’s mine is yours right?” I ask and I earned a glare from him. “Wait for me to die first. You’re going to be in my will when I make one.” He tells and I stomped my feet. “Yah! That is so unfair!” I whine.

“Should I put poison in this?” I joke glancing down the dish I am preparing. “I will not include you in the will if you do that to me.” He threatens and looks at my direction. “Psh~ why do I even care? And why would you put me there anyway?” I ask mockingly.

“Then who else would I put? Unless, by that time, we have produced our own offspring, it will be a fair share of course. You don’t get to have it all.” He asks and I got speechless. My face heat up and I just had to look down and pretend that I was stirring the sauce again. “You’ve got to stop with that. . . and besides, why need to make a will right away, you’re so young.” I muffle while fanning myself.

“Why? It is always a good thing to be sure. You never know what can happen. I’m just doing what my parents did and if they didn’t, I wouldn’t be where I am right now.” He speaks which made my hand stop from stirring. I stare down to it for a while as I process the words he said.

My eyes hesitantly gazed at his direction again and he was casually flipping the pages of the boo he was reading.

“W-why? What’s. . . with your parents?” I ask. Didn’t he say he just moved out when he was twenty? And besides, he never mentioned anything about this ever before. “Oh well, if you’re too slow to get that. . . they’re not here anymore.” He closes the book and looks at me. “What—you lied to me?” I ask. I turn the stove off and walk out of the kitchen.

“What do you mean I lied? I never said anything before.” He speaks. “Yes but you made it seem like you still have parents. All this time, I thought you had.” I said with a big frown. I felt so concerned because I never knew he was indeed alone in life already. I felt like crying out of nowhere. “Yes I have parents. I won’t be breathing right now if I don’t have parents. They just died, that’s it.” He said casually. My knees turn weak and I flop down beside him.

“Care to tell me the story?” I ask. He scratches his neck in a slightly irritated way before opening his book again. “No.” He speaks and I frown even more. “Kyungsoo, I’m your girlfriend so—“Indeed. You’re not a psychotherapist nor a counselor, so no need to tell you. I’m fine.” He answers and looks down to his book.

“Don’t you think I have the right to know these kinds of things about you?” I ask with my hurt tone. “What is to know? There is nothing to know. You are being such a female again. Please, if you don’t mind, stop demanding things like you own everything about me.” He said casually which stabbed me straight on the chest.

Tears begin blurring my eyes out.

My knees felt weaker but this time, it gave pain to my system.

“A-alright.  .  .” I stand up and pick my purse up from the other side of the couch. “Where are you going?” He looks up to me and asks. “You just pressed my limit button. I tried Kyungsoo. I tried my best to put up with this. . . this personality of yours. But I’m not strong enough. Fine, I won’t ever own you. IN MY DREAMS.” I cry out and begin walking out. He chased me and tried blocking the door.

“What do you really mean by that? Are you really going to overreact about this? You’re still making the pasta at le—“I MEANT THAT WE ARE DONE.” I cut him off with my firm tone before pushing him off aside and opened the front door to get out.

I’ve been trying my best to understand his way of talking even if sometimes it’s offending.

But this time, what he said was below the belt.

He made me feel like I’m  a nuisance to his life.

I couldn’t find my luggage of patience anymore.

_ _ _

“What? But weren’t you just fine the other day?”

I blew on a piece of tissue as I cry. I look up to my friends with my messed up state. “I couldn’t do it anymore. . . I can’t.” I cry out and grab another roll of tissue. “So your luggage of patience only has a life span of eight months? Didn’t even extend it for four more months to make it a year.” Hana murmur while pouting. Soomi slaps her arm lightly before moving close to me on my bed.

“It’s alright, Iseul. We’re here for you.” Soomi coos while pressing my arms. “Has he called you to apologize?” Hana asks. She looks indifferent but knowing her as my best friend, she’s concerned. Soomi is showier than her so I understood. “He hasn’t even called me for anything!” I cry our and Soomi continues rubbing my back as I cry like a kid.

“Wow. What an .” Hana mutters while making a blowfish. “Girl, you cry it out today or until a week but promise me. . . don’t forget you still have a life. You didn’t even get to be with him for too long so I know this wouldn’t hurt as much like before. Okay?” Soomi said and I just nod before blowing my nose on the tissue again. “And you know why you shouldn’t really get worried as much? Nothing has happened between the two of you yet. Although you’re not a , but still, you haven’t gone to that stage so no worries.” Hana added and I just cried even more.

“He doesn’t love me, right?” I ask. Soomi and Hana looked at each other. “If you would ask us. . . no? Or at least. . . not enough.” Hana answers. That made me cry even more. “Could you lie even for a second? I am feeling so bad already!” I cry out and Soomi just hugged me tight. “But what do you want me to say? I just answered your question. Aigoo, Iseul please don’t do this to yourself. He’s not worth it.” Hana said. “There, you lied. Thank you.” I muffle before crying loud again.

“Lie—what? Did I lie?” Hana asks looking at Soomi. “Woah there, so you still think he’s worth it? Girl! You stop this right now.” Hana scolds me like a mother. “Y-you don’t know him and I ju—“ Woah woah woah! You are crying because of him right now but he’s still defended? Seriously, Iseul what do you really want?” Hana asked. I stare in space as I sniff. “S-should I apologize?” I ask. “NO!’ Soomi and Hana answers this time making me flinch.

“Are you nuts? He’s the jerk one and you’re going to apologize just because your libido is acting up again??” Hana rebukes. “What—it isn’t like that!” I bawl. “Then what? Iseul, think about it. He was the one who messed this up, he’s supposed to apologize.” Soomi explains. “I know. . . but I know him too and it might be difficult for him to—“ Then he should off! If you would catch him every time he falls into the difficult part of every relationship, he won’t ever grow!” Hana scolded and I flinch while crying silently.

“B-but I love him. . .” I muffle and closed my eyes tight as I sob hard. “Exactly. That’s why he needs to love you too. In the right way like what you’re doing. Actually, what you’re doing is actually TOO right that it’s not acceptable anymore. All this time you always say, you know that he loves you but does HE KNOW?” Hana continues lecturing me and I just cry hard there like a kid. “He needs to know it too, Iseul! He needs to learn how to love first because you deserve to be loved back. You understand me??” She asks and I cringe in fear.

“You understand me? You won’t initiate anything and reconcile alright?? Let that tard ing learn a ing lesson!” She cusses and I nod while stifling a sob. “Gosh, I need tarts.” Hana flips her hair like a diva and jumped off the bed. “I’ll get your tarts in the fridge.” She says and walks out like nothing happened. Soomi and I looked at each other and for a matter of seconds, our lips slowly curve up into smiles. “You know. . . she might have put it in a very strange and scary way but. . . she’s totally right.” Soomi murmur and my hair.

“Yeah. . . she had a point.” I muffle and look down while wiping my tears. “I just hope I am strong enough to wait for anything to happen. I’m. . . scared that nothing would.” I look at Soomi and just when I thought my cries were done, tears began forming again. She quickly pulls me into a tight hug. Kyungsoo, in a short period of time, has left such a big impact in my heart.

But like Hana said, he needs to learn how to appreciate the impact I gave in him back.

So at least for a while, until he sorts things out himself, I need to take a step back and reevaluate our relationship.

A/N: We would always have one gentle and one brutal friend. LOLOL Hana is the bomb. She was so on point. Kyungsoo is in real damn trouble right now. Even I got frustrated at him.