In the middle of the night, I wake up alone on bed. Kyungsoo was at the other corner of the room on his desk, using his laptop. Since that heated argument we had earlier, no one talked after. I just stare at his back figure while hugging the pillow as if it was him.

My mind hasn’t changed yet and I don’t think I can ever consider what he wants to do. The fact of flying to a different country itself already terrifies me, what more to live there for good.

I don’t know what’s so hard to understand there.

My thoughts were cut off when he turned his head. Within the dark, his laptop as our only source of light, our eyes meet. Distress was evident in his face. “Why’d you wake up.” He hushes softly before turning back to his laptop not wanting to further the eye-contact. I hesitantly sit up while resting my elbows on the pillow that was placed on my lap. I look down while fiddling with my fingers.

I want to speak up but I don’t know what to say.

I’m scared to open the topic up again and end up fighting even more.

“D-do you want coffee?” I look up again and with my uncertain look, I get off the bed. He briefly turns his head to me and gave me a curt nod. Without anymore word, I walk out of our bedroom. I pass by Yohan’s room to simply check on him before walking straight to the kitchen.

I was already preparing the water to be heated when I hear our bedroom door open. My heart starts pounding as I hear my husband’s footsteps nearing my area. As soon as I the water heater, I turn around and lean on the counter. As in on cue, Kyungsoo appeared by the entrance of the kitchen.

Our eyes meet again and I swear, I know that there is no way we aren’t talking about it again just by looking at his face.

I simply fold my arms on my chest to keep myself warm. “I don’t know what to say.” He speaks and leans by the wall meters across me. I look away as I was saying the exact same thing in my head. “Iseul.” He calls making me turn again. “Do you really not understand why I was hoping to br—“I’m sorry, my mind won’t change. I’m not confident enough about this whole thing.” I cut him off straight. He only looks away while having the same position now as I am, having his arms crossed together.

“You know I’m trying to do this for Yohan, right? This isn’t even about me. It’s for him.” He looks at me again and asks. “Are you saying I’m selfish?” I ask while raising an eyebrow. What made me frown even more was when he didn’t answer back. I take in a few gulps as I turn away with my pained expression. “Look. Iseul I ju—“I put a hand up to stop him from speaking.

“Wait for your coffee in the room.” I mumble, my mouth barely moving. “Iseul, don’t be like this.” He sighed heavily letting me hear his aggravation. I turn around. “Like what? Selfish?” I ask with my firm tone. “Yohan’s growing up quickly each day. He’s a smart kid. Right now, he’s still having a hard time being used to people around him, and now you want to bring him somewhere far more different than what he’s still getting used to?” I ask. I put a hand on my waist while shaking my head. “Don’t confuse the baby.” I add almost in a whispered manner.

“I’m not confusing him. Don’t you realize that it’s even better if he grows up there right away? If we bring him there after waiting for a few more years, he must have met new friends, have gotten more familiarized with Korea, with everything which makes it even harder for him to adjust in the States.” He explains. I reach for my temples as I give them a light massage while thinking.

“Kyungsoo, can’t you listen to me even for once?” I utter. “What are you trying to point out? Iseul, when did I not listen to you—“Everyday.” I cut him off roughly and he shakes his head immediately. “That is not true.” He tells. “Sure. Be denial. You don’t know how much patience I’ve been putting up for you. This is just one request from me and that is for you to be contented here because I am.” I said.

“Patience? Are you listening to yourself right now? All I did was to gi—“ Kyungsoo couldn’t further finish his rebuttal when we heard Yohan’s cry in his room. Our eyes meet for a few seconds and without further ado, we both rush out of the kitchen and went to the room. “Eomma appa eomma appa!” He continuously cries out for us as we rush to his bed. We both flopped down and the toddler climbs up to my lap. Kyungsoo starts rubbing his back. “The bulbs underneath the lava lamps don’t work anymore.” I point out the dark side of the room where the lamps were supposed to be lighted on. “I’ll change it tomorrow.” He answers while wiping our son’s tears.

Within seconds, Yohan stops from crying while resting his head on my chest. He went back to sleep right away but I still continue petting him on the hip. Everything grew silent once again, between me and my husband. Just then, he pulls himself up to stand up. “I’ll change it now.” He changes his mind. “No, don’t escape. We’re not done talking.” I mumble making him stop.

He flops back down the bed while I rock my baby to sleep.

“Kyungsoo. . . we don’t know what’s waiting ahead of us if we leave. We’re doing fine here. Yohan is doing fine here. Not because you think you only succeeded when you left this country when you were younger means he should be the same. Your family’s different from the family we’re trying to create on our own. It won’t happen to him, don’t you forget that.” I explain truthfully. “There’s no need to mention such thing.” He mutters back with a hard tone.

I heave a sigh as I gently place Yohan back to his bed. I tuck him back under the covers before turning to my husband again. “My kind of family. . . and your kind of family were both pretty complicated and both affected us as an individual.” I look down as I choke on my words. “And I know you’re trying hard to make ours ideal and flawless unlike those that we used to have. . . but Kyungsoo, no family can ever be perfect.” I explain while peeking at his face. He already had that defeated look in him.

I think I just dug into his real intentions.

Without answering, he stands up making me do the same. “Kyungsoo.” I call out. I glance at my son one last time before chasing my husband out. He went to the kitchen and starts making coffee for himself. I hesitantly walk over to him and hug him from behind. He just made coffee without responding to my hug at all. “Kyungsoo, lis—“Get off, please. I need to make coffee.” He mutters. I frown more as I could already feel my tears. “I didn’t mean to sound rude. Kyungsoo.” I explain as I let go of his waist. But instead, I move close again and tug on his arm “Please, look at me. I was just sa—“I said get off, please. I need to make coffee and stay awake. It’s the afternoon there right now so I’ll make my final decision through Skype and decline the offer again.” He explains.

My eyes sparkle with joy as I hear what he said.

“Kyungsoo~” I jump on him for a tight hug. All the fear and worry that have been building up in my body since earlier were flushed away. “What’s so hard about getting off, really.” He mutters with his normally cold voice again. I pull away just enough for me to look up to him and I press our lips together right away. I give him multiple pecks first before hugging him once again. “Thank you thank you thank you~ do you know how scared I was already? Thank you. . .” I chant happily and my feet already left the floor as I held onto his body with all of my weight.

He pushed me off lightly and chuckled. “Probably your main problem was language barrier that’s why you don’t want to.” He tells making me pout and I elbow him on the sides. “But maybe that’s one reason too.” I hush and giggle shyly. He just rolls his eyes before continuing to make coffee. “Go back to bed now. I’ll just bring my laptop in the living room.” He speaks. I give a nod but before leaving, I grab his arm and twirl him around to face me.

“I love you.” I tiptoe and give him a real kiss this time. I feel his hands slowly wrapping around my hips as he kisses back. He tilts his head capturing my lips deeper causing my shoulders to jolt up out of the loving sensation he was giving me through the kiss. When we both pull away, we grasp for air while staring at each other. “On the second thought, I’ll just email them tomorrow, oh wait, later.” His right hand reaches to the mug of coffee he was making and through it down the sink.

My eyes bulged out.

That is such a waste!

“Yah~ why didn’t you drin—kyaa~” I squeal when he lifts me up and held my thighs. He captures my lips once again for one steamy kiss as he starts walking out of the kitchen. I took the initiative to turn the lights off as we pass by the switches.

Oh dear, this is such a makeup .

We arrive in our dark bedroom in no time. I grasp onto the locks of his hair as I deepen the kiss on our way to the bed. “Appa eomma. . .” We suddenly heard Yohan’s voice and LITERALLY, Kyungsoo dropped me off to the ground. “Ahh!” We both screamed in shock. Kyungsoo rushed to the light switch and turned the lights on. Kyungsoo pulls me back up to stand as we look at Yohan who was seated on the floor right by our tall bed.

Surely, he wanted to climb up but can’t.

Oops, maybe not a makeup .

We walk to him and Kyungsoo lifts him up right away onto the edge of the bed. “Why did you wake up again?” My husband coos while running his fingers through the toddler’s thin hair. “Silly, you haven’t changed the lights. Did you forget?” I whisper and Kyungsoo nods in realization. “Yohan sleep.” Yohan murmurs while looking at both of us. “Ah. . . with Eomma appa. Uhm. . .” Kyungsoo looks around and I slap him on the back.

“Don’t give that look to the kid. There’s still tomorrow for your libido to be used.” I grunt softly before carrying Yohan towards the center of the bed. I tuck the both of us under the blanket and Kyungsoo just stands there on the edge while looking at us. I look down to him and realize he already had a bulge. Gosh, this man has one big problem.

Well it’s his problem, not mine.

I ignore him as I hug my son close to my chest. “Iseul.” He calls softly. I just opened one eye to glance at him through the darkness. “If I change the bulbs on the lava lamps now. Would you like to co—“Don’t count on it.” I cut him off before closing my eyes again and heave a deep sigh indicating I’m ready to drift off to sleep. I hear Kyungsoo’s defeated groan. “Fine. Jus—“Sleep on the couch. You might crash Yohan. Good night. Love you.” I cut him off again and held my smile when I heard his whiny hitch although he didn’t argue anymore.

How adorable.

Everything passes by so quickly which is just the right thing to do. I would forever appreciate his effort to actually try and make our family better than what we had back then but I believe we not need to make it all up. It’s within us and it depends on us of how our family would feel like.

A family doesn’t need to look perfect. It just needs to feel perfect. That’s what I learned for the past years that I’m loving my husband and also my dear son. After all, the feeling is what makes everything perfect right?

One more advice,

In marriage, I suggest not to wait for no longer than a day to fix things with your partner. Don’t wait for the two of you to get used to ignoring each other and not talking, it might only make things worse and holding onto the problem longer makes it bigger and bigger until it turns into a handful of grudges and blaming.

Who wants these two squishies?

Han Iseul (and pretty sure everyone else) be like. . .