Warning: This chapter contains of self-harm. If you are sensitive with that, or if that triggers you, so please don't read it.

N was really different. He had changed. He always looked so sad. The members were worried about him, especially Ken.

That day, N made so many mistakes when he danced. It was same the same as what Ken did when he had the same situation before. The haters were really destroying them. And unfortunately, Jongwan was there. He watched them practicing. Seeing there were many mistakes that N did, Jongwan made it worse. He scolded N until he almost cried. The members took N’s side, assuring Jongwan that N did that because he was so tired. But, instead of forgiving him, Jongwan even yelled and said words that hurt him.

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When they got back to the dorm, Ken went to the bathroom immediately. In the bathroom, he cried. Their dorm had 3 rooms and 3 bathrooms. In every room, there was one bathroom inside. And Ken was crying in the bathroom in his and Leo’s room. He sat on the floor as he cried. Suddenly, thought about cutting came to his mind. So, he decided to cut because he felt like he couldn’t take it anymore. He looked for his blades, but there was none in his bathroom.

Then, he wiped his tears. He went out of the bathroom, looking for the blade. But, when Ken was opening the bathroom door, he met Leo’s gaze. He was surprised. He thought Leo wasn’t in the room.

Leo knew that there were some remaining tears in Ken’s eyes. He knew that Ken was crying.

“are you okay?” asked Leo

“yeah, why?”

Leo just shook his head. Then, Ken continued to look for his blades. But, to make it unnoticed, he mumbled a little bit loud so that Leo could hear that.

“where is my phone?” Ken mumbled his lie while searching for his blade.

Leo found it strange. But, he decided not to respond. He still felt like Ken didn’t know him at all. Leo hardly expressed his feelings, and everybody who was close to him know about it, but it seemed like Ken didn’t.

“Ken-ah, I know. I know.” Said Leo

 “no, you don’t! If you know, then why are you so calm? And why are you not worried?”

“do you know me well?” asked Leo

“what? why are you suddenly asking me that? what do you mean?” asked Ken back confusedly

“well, I think you don’t understand me.” Said Leo

He remembered that day when he had a conversation with Ken that ended up badly for both of them.

Leo didn’t hate Ken. He cared about him, and he wanted Ken to care about him too. But, it looked like Ken didn’t. Nobody knew him well.

While Ken, he finally found his blades. He hid it from Leo and he suddenly went back to the bathroom. The sound of the closing door made Leo realize from his thoughts. He was confused. Why would Ken go to the bathroom again when he was just getting back from there? Thought Leo.

In the bathroom, he cried again. He looked the blade that he held in his hand. Then, he made the blade closer to his wrist, and he cut. It hurt. But, he didn’t mind. He cut again. He cried because of the pain in his heart and also because of the cuts. And, when he was just about to cut again, Leo knocked the door.

“Ken-ah, are you okay?” asked Leo

Ken didn’t reply immediately. He tried to speak normally. And then he said

“yes hyung, I’m okay.”

Leo wondered about what was happening. He began to worry cause Ken’s voice was hoarse like he just cried.

“Ken-ah, are you crying?”

“no.”

“really? then what are you doing there?”

There was a silence for a moment.

“I’m.. I’m just about to take a shower.” Said Ken after thinking for an excuse

“are you sure? Then do it quickly.”

“okay hyung.”

And because of that, Ken decided not to cut again that time. Then, he washed his wound. He didn’t forget to wet his hair and face, pretending like he was showering. But, suddenly he realized that he wasn’t wearing long sleeve shirt. So, he took a towel and placed it to his hands to cover the cuts on his wrist, and he went out of the bathroom.

Leo looked at Ken, and suddenly he looked at the towel that Ken held to cover his hands. He felt confused. He thought that Ken self-harmed again.

“Ken-ah, did you self-harm again?”

“what? what are you talking about, hyung?” asked Ken

“You selfharmed, right?”

“no.” Said Ken while shaking his head

“so, why is that? Why are you covering your hands with your towel?”

“why? Is it strange? I took a shower, and I want to dry my hair with this towel.”

“let me see.” Leo stood up and came closer

“no!” Said Ken. He was scared if Leo found out about his cut again.

“why?”

“I’m okay. I’m really okay.”

“really? Then let me see.”

“no. I’m okay, don’t worry.”

And when Leo was just about to say something, his phone rang. Leo picked up the phone, and that made Ken feel relieved.

“hello”

Ken used this chance to take a long sleeve shirt in his wardrobe. After finding one, he went to the bathroom again to change. After changing the shirt, he felt a little bit more secure.

Leo hung up the phone. His face turned gloomy, and Ken noticed that.

“Leo-hyung, who was it?” asked Ken

“nobody”

“oh? But, why did your face suddenly turn gloomy like that?”

“no, it’s nothing.”

Then, Leo paid attention to Ken’s long sleeve shirt.

“why did you change your shirt into a long sleeve one?” asked Leo

“I think the weather is pretty cold.”

“isn’t it because of the cuts that you created just now?”

“what? Leo-hyung, I didn’t self-harm.”

“well, I hope so.”

After that, they both kept silent, wondering their own minds.

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Those days, Ken always weore long sleeve T-shirt even when he was doing dance practice. Hyuk, who noticed that, he asked Ken about it at the break time.

“Ken-hyung, why are you wearing long sleeve T-shirt? Don't you feel hot?”

“yes, these days I always see you wearing long sleeve.” Added Hongbin

“because I like it.” said Ken

“since when do you like that stuff?” asked Ravi

“I don’t know. Why are you focusing on me? Leo-hyung always wears long sleeve shirt too.” Replied Ken

Suddenly, they all looked at Leo.

 “ah yes, I notice that too. You are always wearing long sleeve shirt.” said Ravi to Leo

“why? It’s my style.”

“really? But, you used to wear sleeveless shirts.” Said Ken

“well, I can choose what I want to wear.” Said Leo

“yeah, me too. I can choose what I want to wear.” Said Ken to the members

“alright.”

All members talked and laughed together, but N. He didn’t say anything. He just watched them arguing and joking at each other.

To be continued.........

Note: So, what do you think about this chapter? Tell me, okay? Thank you very much :)