“I need to talk to Ken” said N.

Then, N wiped his tears and he went to the dinning room to find Ken. Ravi followed him behind.

In the dinning room, everyone was surprised to see N’s condition. N’s face looked like he was crying. So, the members asked about it.

“N-hyung, are you ok?” asked Hongbin

But, N didn’t answer Hongbin's question.

“Ken, come to my room now. I have something to tell you.”

Ken was surprised. He was somewhat scared. But, he just followed N to go to his room. The membersonly looked at them confusedly.

“Ravi-ya, what’s happening?” asked Leo

“I don’t know. When I came to N-hyung’s room, I found him crying. I asked him what happened, but he didn’t tell me about what’s going on. And suddenly, he said that he wanted to talk to Ken.”

“is he okay? What will he say to Ken?” asked Hongbin

Ravi just shrugged his shoulders.

                                                                                                         ----------------------------

Meanwhile, in N’s and Ravi’s room.

“hyung, what’s up?” asked Ken

“why didn’t you tell me sooner? Why?” N cried again

“what do you mean hyung?”

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. You’ve been going through these tough times without me helping it nor knowing it.”

“hyung, I don’t know what are you talking about.” Said Ken

At that time, Ken was really scared. He was afraid if N read that message. (?) But he wouldn't cause he already deleted it.

“Thank you for your message that you sent to me. I’m sorry that I read it late. I clicked to that blog, and I read it all.”

“hyung,...” Ken was really scared. He didn’t mean it. He didn’t know that his mistake would make N like this.

“I’m sorry. I just realized it by now. I’m sorry.”

“N-hyung, so did you read my message?” asked Ken to make sure

“yeah.”

At that time, Ken had a mental breakdown. He felt guilty. He didn’t say anything to N.

“Ken-ah, I’m sorry.”

 “hyung...” Ken stuttered

“I’m sorry. I can’t take care of you and all the members. That time, when I fought with Leo, I even said those words that hurt you. And I didn’t care about your cut too. I’m sorry.” Said N, tears running down his face.

“hyung, that's ok. I’m the one who should say sorry.”

“no, thank you for making me realize.They are right indeed.  I’m sorry.” N cried harder. So, Ken pulled him to his chest and hugged him. He tried to encourage him even though he was hurt as well.

“hyung, it’s fine.” Said Ken

Ken really knew how N’s feels. Yeah, it was because he ever felt it. Ken felt pity for him. N’s heart was so sensitive just like him, but N was very perfectionist. And he was also a leader, so it must be hard for him

N cried himself to sleep. But, he was sleeping while standing in Ken’s embrace. So, Ken moved him to the bed. He ran his fingers to N’s hair, wiping the remaining tears on N’s cheeks. Ken really wanted to cry. Because of him, N became like this.

Suddenly, the door opened and he saw the members were looking at him in shocked. Then, Ken left the room and he told the members about what was going on.

“Maybe N-hyung is so tired, so he is sleeping right now.”

“what happened with him? What did he say to you?” asked Leo

“he just cried to me. So, no need to be worry. Let’s just take a rest.”

Then, Ken went to his and Leo’s room. The members were really confused about it. They didn't say anything till Hyuk broke the silence.

“well, let’s just ask N-hyung tomorrow.” Said Hyuk

They nodded and they went to their own rooms.

                                                                                                -----------------------

In Keo’s room

“Ken-ah, are you ok?” asked Leo

“yeah.”

“but your face doesn’t look so.”

“hyung..... I... I....” Ken stuttered and then he cried. He sobbed incosolably.

Leo was very confused about what was going on. Then, he hugged Ken.

“what happened, Ken? Why are you like this? Did N do something that hurt you?” asked Leo

“no. The one that makes him hurt is me. Hyung, what should I do?”

“tell me what happened, but calm down first” Said Leo while hugging him tightly

After a few minutes, Ken stopped crying and he tried to breath normally. Then, he told Leo.

“when I was reading some haters blogs on my phone in the waiting room backstage, suddenly N-hyung said that we would begin the performance. So, I copied that URL (web addresses) and I decided to save it. But, when I was copying the URL, N-hyung told me to go quickly because the time was running out. So, I accidentally clicked the ‘share with message’ icon. I didn’t have time to click the ‘back’ button. Because my costume at that time doesn’t have any pockets, so I just left my phone on the table near me, and I went to the stage immediately.  Wait, wait, wait.. Do you remember it?“

“I don’t. And then?”

“yeah, when we finished with our performance, I went to the table to get my phone. But, when I looked at my phone, it had back to the home screen wallpaper. I thought to myself ‘did someone play my phone?’ Then I checked  every application and files on my phone. Nothing has changed. So, I checked the messages, and I was very shocked. There was a message which I sent to N-hyung that contains URL that I copied it before. I panicked. Who sent that? Then, I found N-hyung and asked his phone, but N-hyung said that his phone was off, because his phone was out of battery. I couldn’t do anything. I was really scared if he read that message which contains the URL of haters blogs.”

“he did?”

“I don’t know. At that time I had a schedule with Ravi, remember?”

“no, I don’t remember it.” Said Leo

“well, it’s ok. Then, because Ravi and I had the same schedule, so we were leaving late. After finishing the schedule, we went back to the dorm. In the dorm, I found N-hyung who was taking a shower. Then, I looked for his phone. I found it so easy because his phone was still in charged. So, I immediately searched the inbox and deleted my message. I wondered if he has read my message or not. Yeah, it was because that message has been written ‘seen’. I was scared. So, I waited N-hyung, and when he finished showering, I asked him about it. But, he said that he didn’t read it yet. He said that he knew that I sent him a message, but he just opened the message and clicked ‘back’ button because at that time Hyuk and Hongbin were interrupting him. So he forgot to read the message.”

“but actually he did?”

“I don’t know, but I guess so. Because, he acted like this.”

“wait, when that incident happened?” asked Leo

“about a week ago, maybe.”

“really? Oh, I can’t remember it. But, if he read it, then he must have been acting like this about a week ago too.”

“I don’t know. This is so confusing and also frustrating me.”

“but, who sent that message?”

“I don’t know. I’m afraid if I was really the one who accidentally sent that. But, I don’t think that was me. I only clicked ‘share with message’ icon. I didn’t do anything more than that. I didn’t even write N as the receiver too.”

“well, then who sent that?”

“I don’t know. I’m not sure. But, I think maybe I accidentally pressed some buttons that made it sent.”

“hey, that’s impossible.” Said Leo

“then who? I don’t know. But, whatever it was, it was my mistake.” Said Ken

“don’t conclude something too fast.” Said Leo

“hyung, I know that it was my mistake. And I know that you also think the same like I do."

“Ken, stop. I don’t want to argue with you. You don’t know what’s on my mind. So, you shouldn’t conclude something like that. One thing I want you to know is don’t blame yourself. You don’t even know neither want that to happen.” Said Leo

“hyung, then what should I do? You know that N-hyung is very perfectionist and sensitive, right?”

“yeah, I know.”

“hyung... Then how? I’m afraid...” said Ken. He almost cried again.

“what are you afraid of?”

“he must be very sad about that. I’m afraid he’ll do something to harm himself, like I did when I had the same situation before.”

“he won’t do it.”

“hyung, maybe you think this is only a little problem, but not to me nor him. I experienced it before and that really made me down.” Said Ken

“don’t worry about it.”

“it was my fault, so how can I not worry? And hyung, you never know how that feels!” Ken raised his tone

“why are you like this? What’s with that response? I know how that feels.” Said Leo

“no, you don’t!”

To be continued....

Note: Still lacking of Keo moment. So sorry about it. And, is this confusing? Well, I'm confused as well too. Haha. I'll try to explain more in the next chapter to make it clear. Thank you :)