/////

Donghae reluctantly returned to his home. His heart felt sore and he was physically tired even though he hadn’t done much. Sadness overwhelmed him but there wasn’t a correct way for him to express it. He didn’t want anyone to see that he was sad. Eunhyuk…was with Victoria…so hopefully she wouldn’t be too lonely or sad. It’d hurt him more if he knew that she was even more miserable. He…just missed her. And again and again he was walking in the same circle.

/////

“Huh? No, I’m ok,” Victoria said turning over the pork they were grilling in the middle of the table.

“You don’t have to lie to me,” Eunhyuk told keeping his eyes on the grill.

Victoria declared, “I’ll be as good as new in the morning if I just fill up my stomach without any thoughts right now. If you eat when you’re distressed all you’ll gain from it is fat.”  

“Ok, I won’t say anything. Do ignore me,” he said.

They ate silently and Victoria tried to swallow the pain down . Every bite she swallowed she could feel herself welling up with the tears that wanted to come out so bad. After every mouthful she’d grab her glass of water and drain the whole cup and ask for more water. Eunhyuk paused every now and then to look at her feeling pity for them all. There was nothing they could do to make everyone feel better. Anyhow if one did feel better the other would be miserable. It was just like that.

“Lets take a walk,” Victoria suggested. “If I go home now I wouldn’t have anything to do.”

“Ok,” Eunhyuk nodded.

They strolled along the streets in silence watching others cross the street and cars drive pass. Eunhyuk hadn’t known Seoul to be such a silent city when one needed company. No one cared and no one looked at them. Really, it felt like they were isolated among the crowd of people. And it felt as if Victoria’s sadness was oozing out of her and getting into him, there was no escape.

When the sky totally darkened and they stopped before the crosswalk waiting for the lights to give way for them, it began to drizzle the kind of cold rain that usually fell during the most critical times in a drama series. While Eunhyuk looked up toward the sky feeling the cold drops on his face did Victoria belt it out. When he turned back to look at her he found her squatting on the ground hugging herself. And even as the people rushed across the street no one took notice of her. Eunhyuk just watched her for a long moment as if he were a passerby. Finally he slowly pulled her up to her feet holding her in his arms with a comforting hand behind her head. 

The next day he saw her and saw her again that following day. She was able to pull herself together and continue as if she’d never fallen at all. It was good to see her like that. Eunhyuk went back and forth between Incheon and Seoul as if he lived in both places. When he returned home he’d often run into Hae and there was also Hee Sun, who remained quiet. Life…would have to move on this way for them.

/////

And life moved on as usual even when he didn’t have Victoria near him. Hee Sun seemed more gentle and kinder. He’d gone out for his first friendly drink with Eunhyuk a few days ago and all felt fine. Just perfectly fine and it’d only been almost a week before Hee Sun created drama again.

/////

It was the first time in a while since her oppa had taken her out for a meal. The past week she’d returned home often with Eunhyuk or her oppa and had eaten her meals comfortably at home. Feeling nauseous so often she had relied on her mom for help. She also wanted to make her oppa favor her and the only way she knew to do so was to be patient with him. So during that week she hadn’t thrown a fit, but her mind was throwing her over.

She was becoming quietly moody and depressed often wondering why her oppa never saw her as a woman. She felt broken, her heart felt lost and helpless. She wanted to be held in his arms, but he hadn’t even initiated to hold hands with her ever since she’d told him about her pregnancy-it made her feel lonely even when he was there with her, as if he weren’t there when he really was there. Every little thing he did she noticed. Whenever he wasn’t paying attention she felt sad and wondered how she could get him to listen to her. What was he thinking about? Why did he drift in and out of their conversations so much? If she were someone else he would have turned to look at her without even asking for his attention. He felt different…no, the way he was toward her the night after she’d taken the picture from him was different. Her oppa was lenient like he always was, but it was a kind of cold niceness he gave her. She wanted her oppa only for herself. She had tried giving him time by not speaking about her feelings, but one week felt too long. Hee Sun was impatient with time. It’d been all her life that she’d been waiting and she wanted to jump onto him to mark him as hers, but he made it hard.

When Donghae had excused himself from the table Hee Sun’s eyes landed on the phone he’d left on the table. And just feeling curious she reached for his phone thinking of a way to play a prank on him. Flipping his phone open she landed on the main menu and the only thing that caught her attention was Victoria’s photo set as the background. Her heart immediately shook and her mind blurred. That was it. The final blow that would make her go berserk. The final evidence she’d discovered that he never thought of her at all.

/////

When Donghae returned after washing his hands he found the table empty and the only thing he noticed was his phone lying open on the table. Hurrying over he grabbed his phone to see Victoria smiling back at him and suddenly glanced around.

“Excuse me, sorry to bother you but have you seen the girl sitting here?” Donghae asked the person behind and in front of them.

“She walked out a few minutes ago.” was the answer he got from a short hair lady.

Nodding Donghae walked out after paying and looked around outside. Only the roaring of car engines passed him. People walked from their cars and toward the door of the restaurant, but there was no sight of Hee Sun. Quickly hurrying over to his car he didn’t see her standing by anywhere. Suddenly getting in he drove back to her house and questioned her mom if Hee Sun had returned, but he got the same answer. Hee Sun hadn’t returned. Deciding not to worry her Donghae walked out of the house just in time to see Eunhyuk drive back. Watching him get out of his car Donghae hurried over.

“Hee Sun…did she call you?” asked Donghae.

Eunhyuk stared at him, “No. Why? What’s wrong?”

“I lost her, I can’t find her anywhere.”

Eunhyuk seemed worried but didn’t show it. “Lets look for her quickly before my parents find out. She’s been strange lately so she could do anything foolish.”

Donghae nodded and got back into his car. What would he do if Hee Sun did do something stupid? He felt over worried suddenly.

/////

Eunhyuk swerved onto this street and that street looking everywhere. Skimming the parks and public places there was no one that resembled the growing Hee Sun. Seoul. The city suddenly came to him. Reaching for his cell phone he got Victoria’s number and she answered almost immediately.

“Victoria,” Eunhyuk said, “Hee Sun is missing.”

Silence.

“Can you help me look for her?”

Silence.

“I think she may be in Seoul walking around. Hee Sun hasn’t talked much the past week I’m afraid she may do something foolish.”

“I’m on it so don’t worry.” Victoria’s voice sounded stern as if she were worried too.

Eunhyuk hung up and climbed onto the highway.

/////

Victoria grabbed her keys and walked out from her home. If there was one thing she recalled about being pregnant was that she’d been moody quite often and it felt like…

Taking a breath she got into her car and backed out from her driveway. Hee Sun could be anywhere. Victoria didn’t know of many places that girl had to go to but if Eunhyuk said Seoul she’d just have to search the whole city while she waited for him.

She did drive around from the shops to the restaurants to the riverside and the park. Jung Hee Sun was no where. Stopping at the red lights Victoria thought hard. Hee Sun lived in Incheon and had only come to Seoul for college, she might not know the city so well. That should narrow down some areas where Hee Sun would go. Suddenly seeing a group of college students wearing the university shirts cross the streets it finally came to her. Campus. Hee Sun could be on campus. Why hadn’t she searched there first? The answers always came to her late.

Swerving her car around the corner she rushed there. Victoria drove along campus and didn’t spot her anywhere, but her instincts told her that Hee Sun was there. Driving around campus again Victoria began thinking. How long since she’d been missing? Why had she gone missing?

If she’d been gone not too long before he’d called her Victoria was sure if Hee Sun was in Seoul she couldn’t have made it far. Seeing a familiar back walk slowly down the walk 5 minutes away Victoria glanced at the only building with an accessible roof from inside. She quickly searched for a place to park but the lots were full and if she stopped somewhere recklessly she’d get a parking ticket…but did it matter now? Glancing around she turned her car around and drove into a parking lot luckily coming across a car backing out of its spot. Parking her car she grabbed her phone calling Eunhyuk.

“I found her.”

Literally running across the street Victoria swung open the door to the building and ran up the stairs never minding the elevator to the right. Her footsteps rung in the air against the wooden staircase and every yellow wall she met told her she had to hurry. Coming to a dead end three times she had to pull open the door to the hallway and run down the hallway toward the end where the other door was. Out of breath she paused for a moment. She had no idea climbing a five story building was so tiring. Climbing up the staircase she finally met the brown door before her that led to the top of the building. Walking down the short hallway Victoria pulled open the door to see the young girl standing before the rails.

It had felt like a race against time. Panting she watched Hee Sun turn around with sorrowful eyes to stare at her. When she took a step forward Hee Sun let out a loud scream that petrified her ears. Victoria stopped surprised. Hee Sun looked back at her regaining herself.

“Why! Tell me why!” she shouted. “Oppa…only because of this baby he’s standing with me. If I’m without this baby he’ll be with me willingly. Why! Why does he only think of you!”

What nonsense was she speaking?

“I’ve known him longer than you, it only makes sense that he should turn to me! But why won’t oppa hold my hand!”

Was she only complaining? Victoria watched her feeling that she was the same girl she’d first seen. The girl that was jealous and only glared and only saw her oppa. When Hee Sun ran toward the rails grabbing onto it and climbing onto the bottom one did Victoria begin to run forward.

***It is a fact that pregnant women are often moody.

"Why do you feel more and more lonely when you love someone more and more?" -FRH 寂寞暴走

Jung Hee Sun - She wanted to be held in his arms, but he hadn’t even initiated to hold hands with her ever since she’d told him about her pregnancy-it made her feel lonely even when he was there with her, as if he weren’t there when he really was there.

Have you wondered? Have you felt it? When you love someone you feel lonely even while loving them?

Why is that?

My one opinion: It's that you know they don't feel the same way anymore, that's the only reason why you'd feel lonely when you love that person. But you would never admit it to yourself. You'd rather keep loving an illusion.

~minifantasy