Memory 58

You Said Remember Me

“A penny for your thoughts?” he asked when she began to walk pass him.

Pausing for a bit Victoria ignored his sarcasm and headed straight for her car. And as expected he followed.

“Do you come here when you’re upset?” he continued.

Instead of using the beeper to unlock the car she used her key. If she opened all four doors he might just jump in however he wanted, and that was the last thing Victoria wanted. She opened the door to get in but before she could close the door behind her he took a hold of it pulling it open.

“Where are you going?”

Victoria pressed her lips together keeping her eyes ahead. The last thing she also wanted was to see his face. Suddenly burning with anger she stepped back out pushing his arm away from her car.

“I want to be alone, so please respect that,” she glared at him before turning back around to get in, but he stopped her.

“Lets talk.”

Victoria clenched her jaw gently then spun back around. She stared at him waiting for him to go on, but nothing came from him, so she decided she’d take the first spin.

“What do you want to talk about?” she started. “You and Hee Sun? You and me? Who else do you want to drag into the picture? Or do you want to start by explaining yourself?”

He just stared back at her as if he were totally helpless. Victoria turned away with a sarcastic laugh full of angry disbelief before turning back to look at him.

“You can’t say it, huh? How come you always make me tell you the truth when you can’t even give me a full explanation?” Victoria asked. “Do you want to start telling me why you went cold last week?”

She stared hard at him challenging him to tell her, but he did nothing. All of a sudden he grabbed her hand.

“Lets try again.”

Victoria continued staring at him.

“Hee Sun…is Eunhyuk’s sister, we grew up together so she’s also like a sister to me. I couldn’t just ignore her when I saw her crying helplessly. I know her too well so I can’t abandon her when she needs help.”

Victoria listened but heard herself talking back to him mentally. And why was she crying? Why couldn’t he tell her why Hee Sun was crying?

“The past week when I suddenly stopped answering your calls…I was with her. She won’t take care of herself when she appeals to someone for help.”

“Why? What was the reason to why you were there?” Victoria asked. If he just told her straight out that Hee Sun was pregnant, that she told him she was pregnant and he couldn’t leave her be, maybe she’d let it go. But Donghae was going around the answer.

“She just needed me,” Donghae answered still grasping onto her hand. “Lets just go back to where we left off.”

“What’s wrong with you?” Victoria asked pulling her hand away. “You’re not the person I thought you were. Until you gather yourself don’t talk to me about getting together.”

Getting back into the car and slamming the door Victoria sped off watching him stand still in the rearview mirror. He confused her. He was so happy, so confident earlier, but now he was like a person who’d been stepped on. His current attitude was very different and she wasn’t used to it. Donghae acted like a doll that someone could control with their will. Why…was he letting Hee Sun do this to him? Where did his usual self disappear to? Not until he returned to being the regular Donghae Victoria didn’t want to see him.

/////

He finally turned when she was out of sight. He felt weak. Where was the sudden motivation Eunhyuk had given him? Why could he only hold her hand? Why couldn’t he say something worth listening to her?

“What happened to you?” he asked himself.

The next two days he didn’t hear from her and he didn’t go to Hee Sun, who had called him numerous times. And within those days he began to fall sick.

/////

Victoria passed by Hee Sun a few times during that week. Avoiding conversation with her she pretended that she never noticed her. Then one day when Hee Sun had passed her Victoria stopped in her steps turning around to watch her back disappear among the other many students. Her belly had obviously grown bigger for just being almost 2 months pregnant and she wasn’t trying to hide it anymore, a big step she was taking. Was Donghae keeping her company lately? Were the two of them happy together? Spinning back around Victoria stared at the ground and quickly walked toward her next class.

She hadn’t called him and had avoided using her phone. If she had her phone with her she was sure she’d be staring at it all day long. Even when she was at her office she was anticipating surprise visits from him, but he never even came. He had actually made her fall head over heels for him, even when she thought it would never happen. Now all she knew about herself was that her heart ached from missing him. Why was she so attached to him suddenly?

She drove pass his house a couple of times and finally decided to stop by. However she wanted to put it that they hadn’t officially broken up yet. If they tried to talk it through one more time…there would be a possibility of getting back together. Maybe making an excuse like “Eunhyuk told me to stop by” wouldn’t sound too fake when he answered the door. When she knocked on the door he didn’t answer it. She rung the bell again and again then began knocking.

“Donghae?” she called.

Her heartbeat raced uncomfortably. Il Chung, Sandy, and In Ji filled her mind. What if it was something like that…she shook her head silently screaming “No!” at herself.

“It can’t happen, it just can’t happen,” Victoria told herself quietly then stared at the door knob.

Feeling her hand sweat she tried to twist the doorknob but it didn’t open. A flood of relief ran through her at least.

Feeling alive again she called out, “Donghae! Open the door! It’s me! Are you there?”

/////

His house was too dark, but her voice came loud and clear to his ears. His head ached so bad and he felt so sick. Forcing himself up from the bed he slowly stumbled toward the door falling into things and knocking them from where they were. The pounding at the door was in sync with the throb in his head. Reaching for the door he unlocked it stumbled forward, found her eyes staring at him as if bewildered before he began tumbling back.

/////

Victoria let out a small yelp and reached forward for his arm pulling him back causing him to fall against her. It felt like an enormously long trip back to his bedroom but when she finally got him onto the bed she rushed back out to get a bowl of cold water. After leaving the wet cloth on his forehead to help cool him down she left to go buy some medication and returned. Quickly gathering some ingredients in the kitchen she made a bowl of rice soup and after feeding him she gave him the medication. After cleaning the mess in the kitchen she returned to find that his temperature had dropped a little. Feeling better she sat at the desk in his bedroom staring at the mess of folders he had sprawled out.

Opening one she found the biography of Il Chung and gathered articles of the homicide, plus the descriptions left from the forensics team. Feeling her stomach lurch uninterested she closed the folder setting it aside. She might as well leave the mess so Donghae would be able to find whatever he wanted the way he had left it. Turning to her right she found a small framed photo of them two. Glancing away from it she found that Donghae was still deep asleep.

While she sat there she found herself dazing off. She had avoided using time to sort out her thoughts and she’d been running away from her problems. Had Donghae been thinking as well? Or had she made it hard on him?

Maybe she should have been more understanding about Hee Sun. Maybe she shouldn’t have pressed him so hard to tell her that he’d found out about Hee Sun’s pregnancy. Maybe, maybe, maybe. She hadn’t felt immature in a long time, but she knew she’d been immature during the time he’d gone cold with her. Victoria had only focused on the confusion she felt and questions she had, she didn’t worry about what he was going through. Maybe Donghae was really burdened and couldn’t find the words to express them. Maybe she had been wrong and he’d been right all along…maybe…

Victoria didn’t know how long she’d been sitting there before Donghae suddenly sat up removing the towel from his forehead. She turned to watch him feeling nervous for some reason. He slowly turned to look at her and smiled. An ambiguous feeling overwhelmed her. How she had missed seeing him smile at her like that.

“Are you ok?” she asked. “Do you feel better?”

He nodded.

“Are you hungry? Thirsty? Do you want anything?” she continued.

“Can you…just give me a hug?” his voice was so quiet.

She stared at him for a long time then finally got off the chair and walked toward him putting both her arms around him. She didn’t know how long they remained like that but when they finally entered the kitchen for a late night meal it was already dark outside. After whipping up a quick dish for him to eat Victoria finally sat down at the table.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized.

Donghae looked up from his food, “I can’t eat if you say that.”

“Then lets talk after you eat,” she suggested.

He just smiled and nodded. And after he ate and she cleared the dishes away they did talk.

“About the Hee Sun matter, I won’t bother you about it anymore. So lets forget it and pretend it never happened, ok?” Victoria asked feeling almost desperate for a reconciliation.

Donghae’s face remained still but he said, “There’s something I need to tell you.”

Victoria readied herself for whatever it was he was going to say.

“Hee Sun…wants me to take charge for the baby…she only appealed to me for one reason.” Donghae began very straightforwardly. “When she cried for help I was confused about what she wanted from me. And when she fell onto her knees before me asking me to help I knew I couldn’t turn away. She and Hyuk are like the closest siblings to me and I would be filled with guilt if I ignored this girl before me…”

His words sunk in so fast like a heavy metal box full of hidden secrets sinking into the heavy sea. She didn’t have the time to think things over and he didn’t give her to the time to comprehend what she needed to know from him. The humming from the fridge was all she heard during that moment. She was unable to untangle the knots in her head. An overwhelming warm flood filled her and the kitchen spun in her eyes. Her heart was no where in her body.

“And…you want to break up?” Victoria found the words almost hard to say. She wasn’t as ready as she thought she was. A voice screamed within her, her heart threatened to split, and her eyes refused to drop the tears they were harboring.

“No.”

Victoria’s mind felt like it was twisting, “Then what?” He was holding her back from what should have happened.

“It’s just…the burden I feel from knowing it. I don’t want to forget you so I couldn’t face you,” he seemed tired, his eyes were red as if he were very tired. Victoria’s heart sank deeper.

“Do you want me…to break off with you first?” Victoria asked quietly.

Donghae was quiet before he replied, “No.”

The rope of frustration within Victoria became even clearer to her and she felt even more confused with what was going on. She thought they’d be able to talk it out, but the conversation was taking a different stroll.

“I thought maybe if I stopped contacting you, you wouldn’t come look for me, but you called continuously…” he took a small breath depressed. “I miss you…”

Victoria felt tears at the edge of her eyes, her heart shook. And so…he was only afraid he’d have no other choice then to give Hee Sun what she wanted. Was he waiting to make the decision or was he going to let Hee Sun make the final decision? She gulped back her tears and tried to strengthen her voice. It felt like her heart was in .

“If you’re going to go, then lets just do it now,” she told.

Donghae’s eyes searched the table endlessly. Victoria watched him feeling her heart being squeezed like a wet towel being wrung dry of water. It just felt…awful.  

“I don’t want to let you go.” was his answer. “Be with me a while more.”

Was she supposed to cry? Feel overjoyed? But she couldn’t even feel both joy or sadness. It only meant the end was near, so…did he expect to see her smile? Instead of hugging her like he’d always done they just sat there without gazing at each other. The first time in a long time that silence infiltrated the room they were in together.

Victoria finally made the drive back to her home when the sun began to light up the sky. A feeling of heavy burden climbed onto her shoulders and her heart lie low in her chest. The first time in a long time she’d felt like this.


***In the end...he couldn't say anything. Victoria came to him instead of him going to her hoping to work things out. He never explained himself, only told her straight out that Hee Sun was pregnant assuming that she would already know it. Reonciliation = failure. (I tried to explain Victoria's heart breaking feelings as best as I could, hope you guys understood...and Donghae...well...err...you know he's already lost himself)


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Dailycommenter 98 streak #1
I am trying to find an old story on here but I cannot remember the title so I am going through all the story links I found this sounds interesting and has a nice description Will read soon
wangkei #2
sounds interesting
AmberBiased23 #3
I love all ur haetoria fan fictions!!!! Their jjang!!!!!
xmixerx #4
Chapter 88: Wow :o I can't believe I spent my entire day in bed reading this! When I saw the number of chapters this has, I thought it would take me at least a few days to finish this. Guess I was wrong. This is your second full-length story that I've read. It definitely had a different writing style from Defence but after a few chapters, I quickly adjusted. I was hooked at around chapter 10. My review is not going to do this story justice, so I will end it soon. I thoroughly enjoyed it and the plot and romance were explored very well. Don't ever stop writing!
bae-jinki
#5
seems interesting
kyuraa #6
Chapter 87: i've just finishing read the whole chapter in two days..it's worth it. actually i don't really ship haetoria pair much after reading their kingdom panorama because the character is make me annoyed especially donghae. but, as i read the whole chapter i just love the way you describe their own character with the way they talk or act, so does donghae :)
you're doing a great job giving a detail to every act that the character does do that there's nothing left hanging, altough at some chapter when vic and donghae getting serious in relationship the whole story turn into more drama situation. it's good but it keep bugging me that the stalker been quiet for some time and wonder when he'll come back. as for another character like hee sun,i think it's good addition, her immature act made the story more interesting and hearbreaking. and i feel sorry for heechul, at the begining i think he'll became main character but in the end his part is getting smaller..but overall it is a very good one. i'll wait for another great story,while keep waiting on "3 ways " thank you for sharing :D
potterhaunt2
#7
nice story!
mchristina11 #8
Chapter 88: Wow this story is soooo good!!!