/////

How gullible had she been? How stupid had she been? Just because she’d been feeling lonely…Victoria wanted to beat herself. Il Chung’s mother’s words flew back into her mind. Had Il Chung impregnated her? No way! He’d been like an older brother she never had and Sandy had been like a best friend. Slowly she began to recall something Donghae had accused her of a while back when she’d run into him in Seoul for the first time.

“If you weren’t no where why weren’t you in your apartment? Because you refuse to say anything you’re a suspect right now and because you won’t admit anything you’re making both your friend’s families suffer. Can’t you just say you were jealously in love with Il Chung that you got rid of them both?”

Victoria laughed as if she couldn’t believe it then turned to stare out of the window. They were all alike. For a moment Victoria resented the world then changed her mind. The world resented her. The world had always resented her.

The taxi drove into the cemetery where Victoria had instructed the driver to take her. When she got out she looked around feeling her eyes dry of tears. There was no one there. Making her way along the path she passed all the other tombs without even looking at them and finally stopped in front of In Seol’s grave.

“In Seol…Han In Seol…are you watching me?” she asked. “Are you watching me? Did you cry when I lost your child? Why didn’t you come to me then? Why!” Victoria suddenly fell to her knees and fell forward with her palms against the grass. “Come out! Come out! Come back!” Out of anguish and anger Victoria continuously plucked out handfuls of grass with her hand. “I’m so sorry!”

“I lost the baby, did you cry then too?” Victoria silently questioned then suddenly she couldn’t move her right hand down to pluck out handfuls of the grass like she’d been doing.

For a moment she wondered what was going on then slowly turned her head to see Donghae holding onto her wrist.

“What are you doing?” Donghae questioned, in a low quiet voice, as if he were warning her. “You look crazy, do you know that?”

Victoria felt as if her eyes were glued in his gaze then gritted her teeth unclenching her fist. The loose green grass in the palm of her hand scattered on the ground next to her like beautiful raindrops falling from the sky.

“What do you want?” Victoria asked, a cold tone attached to her voice.

Donghae opened his mouth intending to explain everything to her but nothing came out when he was sure that she wouldn’t listen. Instead he apologized again.

The corner of Victoria’s lips curbed into a smile mocking him. “Sorry? If you were sorry you’d leave me alone.”

“If I left you alone you’d go crazy,” Donghae retorted.

Victoria felt like rolling her eyes but didn’t. “Let go.”

“Lets go back to Seoul.”

“Don’t you understand the meaning of 'Let go'?” Victoria questioned letting anger take control of her emotions. When she realized that she’d literally screamed at him she gritted her teeth.

She was lashing out at him. She was probably more upset with Il Chung’s mother for assuming such foolish thoughts. Though she also felt angry that Donghae had found out about the miscarriage, but hadn’t she known that he’d find out about it sooner or later? He was, after all, the person who suspected her and had tried to get her to be honest with him but she’d refused to play along. Was it his fault for finding out? Or was it particularly hers? Whoever’s fault it was she didn’t want to start pointing fingers.

“Why’d you come to Seoul?” she suddenly asked turning away.

Donghae hesitated with his answer…again. Hee Sun’s accusations appeared in his mind. Why had he actually come to Seoul? Even he hadn’t found out that answer yet.

“I don’t know.”

“Don’t play stupid with me,” Victoria muttered.

“I really don’t know!” Donghae exclaimed adding a bit of force to his reply then finally noticed he was still grasping onto her wrist.

Victoria curbed the corner of her lips in a mocking manner again then said, “If you leave me alone for a few hours I’ll go back to Seoul with you.” Then added silently, “I hope you’d leave me alone after we return to Seoul.”

Donghae stared at her hard then finally let go of her hand turning around to head back to his car. Victoria turned away after making sure his car had driven off then tilted her head to the sky letting out a sigh of relief.

“In Seol…are you watching me?”

/////

Donghae drove until he reached the red light at the end of the street just pass the cemetery. Swerving the car to the side of the road he stopped his car. Thoughts rushed through his mind one by one. All his scrambled thoughts brought him to a dead end and he soon found himself trapped.

Taking out his phone he searched for Eunhyuk’s number, “You got time? I’m in Incheon right now, lets go out for a drink.”

Eunhyuk met Donghae by one of the side stalls where they served food and soju. Donghae had found a table somewhere by the road and was pouring himself shots. Hyuk came walking over with both his hands stuck into the pockets of his sweater and sat down.

“Don’t just drink it all by yourself. This is why we’ve been taught to share,” Eunhyuk said taking the bottle from him and pouring himself a shot. “Ahjumma! A bowl of soup please!”

Eunhyuk turned back to glance at his friend who seemed to be in an endless daze.

“What’s gotten you so worked up? You don’t usually start drinking by yourself,” Eunhyuk commented picking up a spoon as the stall owner placed a hot bowl of soup before him.

“I wanted to vent and this is my way of doing it,” Donghae replied taking the soju bottle from in front of Eunhyuk and poured himself a drink.

“Did something happen?” Eunhyuk questioned. “See! I knew it, this job stresses you out more than you expect huh? You don’t have to play tough all the time, Hae. I’m not trying to be funny but seeing you like this makes you look like you have mentality problems.”

“Really,” Donghae bluntly answered before throwing his head back to swallow the soju.

“Your uncle wouldn’t be happy to know that you’ve turned out like this,” Eunhyuk pointed out.

“I’m not like this,” Donghae said, “I’m just taking some time off to myself.”

“By drinking in broad daylight? Who drinks in broad daylight?”

“Didn’t you just drink?” questioned Donghae.

“Well…” Eunhyuk swallowed his words. “That doesn’t count right now, but what I’m saying is that you’re rarely like this. Just spill out what happened. I don’t like to play around answers, just like you.”

Donghae sighed and grabbed the bottle of soju again. Eunhyuk sighed and shouted for another bottle from the ahjumma.

“Hee Sun knows I’m in Seoul.”

“Really?!” Eunhyuk’s eyes turned wide placing both hands on the table. “I didn’t tell her! I swear Hae! I didn’t tell her!”

“Did I accuse you?” Donghae questioned.

Eunhyuk cleared his throat and sat back grabbing his spoon slurping his soup.

“Do you know why I went to Seoul?” Donghae asked.

Eunhyuk looked around the tent then shrugged, “How would I know? Shouldn’t you know the reason yourself?”

Problem was…he didn’t know. Donghae drunk another shot, “Victoria…”

“The psychic professor?”

“Psychology,” Donghae corrected, “she found out.”

“About what?”

“That I know her secret.”

Eunhyuk raised his eyebrow amused, “So you’re here drinking because she found out you knew something? This isn’t very like you, friend.”

“Don’t jump to conclusions,” Donghae pointed his finger at Hyuk. “I need to clear my mind is all.”

“You clear your mind by drinking?” Eunhyuk asked. He didn’t believe Donghae. “Ok. If you say so. But what’s this secret that she’s so upset you found out? Care to share?”

“I don’t know why I’m drinking either,” Donghae confessed. “It just sounded like the right thing to do right now. I’m afraid I’m turning emo.”

Eunhyuk laughed, “It’d be sad if that was the truth.”

Donghae waited for a long time in silence before he spoke up again, “Victoria…lost her baby.”

“Lost?”

“She had a miscarriage,” Donghae clarified, “she’s at his grave right now.”

“Who?” Eunhyuk was getting confused at Donghae’s generalizations.

“Her boyfriend,” Donghae finished.

“Oh…” Eunhyuk stared hard at his friend. “Then…I don’t get why you’re upset.”

Donghae sighed heavily, “I don’t know why either.”

“You have a secret thing for her don’t you?” Eunhyuk teased.

Did he? Donghae didn’t know the answer to that.

When night began to fall Donghae bid Eunhyuk farewell before driving toward the cemetery. The horizon was just at the bottom of the sky setting out a beautiful orange, pink, green glow that made the sky.

He drove into the gates of the cemetery and stopped his car at the end of the path. Parking his car Donghae turned to see a visible figure lying against the grass on Han In Seol’s stone. Opening the door he walked out and slowly made his way toward her. His mind was finally clear. All his thoughts had disappeared as if they had magically dispersed into the air.

Donghae came to a stop before her while glancing down at her. Her long hair was sprawled out against her back.

“Are you crazy?” he asked.

Victoria didn’t respond.

“Lets go back,” Donghae said.

Victoria didn’t respond. Donghae watched her then got onto his knees reaching for her arm to hoist her up. When he did manage to pull her up she looked like she was in a deep daze. Victoria fell against him with her head leaning on his shoulder. Donghae let go of his grasp on her arm when he felt her tightly hug him.

“Han…In…Seol.”

That name felt like a sting.