It was inevitable that Friday would come, I knew that very well, yet I still hoped that it wouldn't so I could escape the sadness I was feeling.

 

"Sehun, I'm ready." 

Luhan came out of our room dressed in a black suit with a black tie to the living room, where I was waiting for him. He'd agreed to living with me (after I begged him the next morning, and apologized till I was blue in the face) and the week went fairly well. Class became a little awkward between us because it was hard to go from a routine that involved one another, to a class where we had nothing to do with one another. It was still a little undecided how we would act in class, but I knew that Luhan didn't want to bring it up until after the funeral. I didn't know why I decided to take a class that I knew he'd be in, because teaching any class that was closer to him would have been good enough. Still, since I was selfish, close enough would never have been close enough. 

Everything Luhan wore was black, and he looked like the living definition of sad; I hated to see him that way.

 

"Sehun? Are you ready?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah, let's go." 

I hated myself for putting him through this. 

 

Looking over at Luhan, watching him analyze everything we passed, I felt warm inside. When Luhan saw something, he'd stare for a while and think about it, where as I wouldn't have given it a second thought- That was the difference between Luhan and I though, he saw the life in things, and all I saw was their inevitable death. I knew Luhan was good for me, but I often wondered if I was good for him, because I didn't want to rub my personality off on him and make him anything like me.

 

Luhan POV: 

I noticed that Sehun kept looking over at me, so I tried my best to ignore it and act normal. Still though, my nerves were shot and I couldn't control my legs, as she were shaking non-stop. Naturally I was nervous to see Suho, and I was terrified to see Sehun's mother, but more than that, I was afraid I'd start to cry. I hadn't been to a funeral since my mother died, and every emotion is felt was coming back. It made me feel nostalgic in a way, like I became a child again, sitting in the front seat of my father's car on the way to bid my mother farewell. I remembered my feelings, and I felt them again, but the last thing I wanted to do was make today about me, when it had to be all about Sehun. Today, all my attention would be turned towards Sehun, no one and nothing else. 

 

Sehun POV: 

It took about an hour and a half drive to my mother's house, where my she'd decided to have the funeral, and surprisingly, Luhan stayed awake the whole time. I noticed he kept looking over at me, staring for awhile, then turning away and then repeating the same process again five minutes later. If stare too, and maybe he'd noticed, but maybe we both just thought each other was staring. It was almost funny. But then again, maybe he simply sought out to see how I was doing, and in all honestly, I was barely holding on. 

 

This man, whom I had no blood relation to at all, died. He'd lived in the same house I did, and saw me everyday, yet we barely spoke, and when we did, it was 'Sehun, you need to work harder.' 

 

 

I honestly didn't know why I felt so sad. I thought about what Luhan had said, but how could I have loved him? It was true that all the love that I had been unable to give was given to Luhan, and he bore all my love, it was practically unbearable. So how was it that I had given any love to my step father, if I had given everything to Luhan? I guess I was a little stupid or naive to think this, but I didn't want to love anyone other than Luhan. I wanted him to be the only one I ever loved, even if it meant preventing myself from feeling love for anything else, or denying that I had ever loved anyone else. 

When it came to Luhan, I was violently, in love; Passionately, and selfishly attached. 

 

As soon as we pulled into the long drive way, Luhan began fidgeting. I was nervous about what my mother would say to him, not to me, and how Suho would behave himself. Suho currently hated me more than he ever had, and I hoped he wouldn't take it out on Luhan. Although that was what I wanted to be worried about, I was actually worried he'd go after Luhan. There was never a good time to be jealous, especially at a funeral. 

Maybe this was a bad idea... I began wondering how everyone else would react, and how Luhan would feel. He already seemed extremely nervous, and as we got closer to the house, Luhan's legs started shaking even more.

  

"We should go back, Luhan. You don't have to be here."

"We can't go back now, you'll miss the ceremony."

"You can call Baekhyun, it'd be fine."

"No, you'd be late." 

Luhan shook his head, staring straight at the mansion in front of him. 

"Luhan you're nervous, I can see it. I'm taking you b-"

"No, I refuse!"

"I'm taking you back damn it! Stop arg-"

"OH, CAN IT! You stubborn old man... I want to be here." 

'Old man' was only used when Luhan was either teasing me, or, in cases like today, when he really, really meant something.

"Sehun, I said no, so stop talking and park."

I followed his commands and parked. It wasn't often that Luhan barked orders at me, and it was even more rare that I listened. 

 

I didn't like being back in this cold house, and I especially didn't like being back for a funeral. Everything seemed dead. Although many people were outside awaiting the ceremony, my duties were inside, with my mother and Suho. As soon as we made our way to my mother though, her displeasure with the sight of Luhan showed all over her face. She still didn't like the idea of me being gay, but I didn't like her period, so that was that.

 

"Why is he here?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to impose on you, especially not today. But I asked Sehun if I could come with him, it isn't his fault."

My mother didn't say a word, but simply turned away to motion me towards me duty. As the family of the deceased, we stood by his casket and had to speak to every guest that came up. 

 

There were many people crying, and some were in conversation and laughing, but for the most part it was quiet. I suddenly spotted Heijin, my step fathers daughter he had with another woman before my mother, and Heijin's young daughter, Younok. We had absolutely no relation to one another, but we'd met once or twice during a big family event or a business meeting. Hei Jin worked for my step fathers company back then, and I'd see her when she'd visit. My mother was never very kind to her, although it was understandable. I mean, if your husbands ex wife had a kid, and that kid worked for your company, you probably wouldn't feel very comfortable with that. 

 

I shot my eyes over to where I heard Luhan's voice, and watched as Suho approached him. Immediately, I began making my way over to them, remembering the events of last time. I should have forbid Luhan from going in a ten foot radius of Suho from the very beginning, but I knew Luhan wasn't going to turn him away, especially on the day of his father's funeral. I was almost there before I was stopped by some acquaintance of my step fathers and was into a conversation. In all honestly I wasn't paying attention, since I was trying my best to listen in on Luhan and Suho, but it was hard over the voices around me, and their conversation seemed to be whispers. 

What was Suho saying to him?

 

Luhan POV: 

"You're here with Sehun? I didn't know he was coming."

Talking to Suho sent shivers down my spine, causing me to say half the things I wanted. 

"Well of course Sehun came."

I wanted to run away. 

"I wouldn't say of course."

I needed to find Sehun. 

"And why not?" 

Suho was standing too close to me, and Sehun was standing too far away. 

"We're suffering, Sehun is not. We are in so much pain, and all he can do is come to the funeral. Where was he when my father was dying?" 

"Sehun didn't know he was dying."

Suho shook his head, 

"He knew. He knew alright, and he didn't care... Well I care. I loved my father, and I really hate Sehun." 

"It gets better, I promise, I know how you feel right now, but don't say things you don't mean just because you're angry, neither of you two really hate each other."

"You don't understand how I feel."

"I understand more than you know, really, I do."

If I defended Sehun, Suho would think my sympathy wasn't genuine, but if I comforted him too much, Sehun would think I wasn't being careful. Even so, I put my hand on Suho's shoulder out of impulse, and kept it there even after realizing that I probably shouldn't have. Touching was a way of sympathizing with another person, I wasn't going to let Sehun's jealousy, or the events of last time get in the way of making Suho feel better. Loosing someone is a painful thing, especially when you've had more than 9 years with that person.

 

Suddenly, Suho sighed heavily and then shook his head, 

"I'm so jealous of Sehun." 

Suho brushed my hand off gently, holding it in his for a moment before letting it go.

"That's silly, you shouldn't be jealous of him. You hate him right? Ahaha ha...." 

Awkward, nervous laughter. 

But Suho didn't let out any form of amusement, he only closed his eyes for a moment, then reopened them. 

"You...seem to have forgotten that I'm fond of you. Please don't touch me."

"I-"

"Sehun always has what I want,"

Looking out the window, over my shoulder, Suho seemed to be recalling memories,

"He had my father's love, schooling of his choice, a job of his choice. Sehun has always been the favorite no matter how he looks at it, and he even has the one I love."

Love? 

It was hard for me to tell whether or not Suho was playing me to get something, but I took a small step back. I'd never heard it from that perspective before, and I was very surprised. Now looking at me, Suho half smiled a sad smile, 

"There's nothing wrong with being a little jealous of someone who has always been the first, and favorite son, right? I'm sorry, but for right now, please leave me be."

I nodded, understanding his feelings, but before turning away to find Sehun, I sighed once more,

"Suho, I am sorry." 

 

Sehun POV: 

"I still don't know why he's here, Sehun."

"Mother, he's here for me. Please just let it be."

"You spoil him rotten."

"You've spoiled me rotten."

"At least you deserved it." 

"He deserves it, mother. More than anyone."  

My mother stared at Luhan like he was a different species as he spoke with Suho. It disgusted me, both her looking at Luhan that way and Luhan talking to Suho.

"I lost my first husband, your father, and now I've lost my second, Suho's father. I don't intend to lose you to a pitiful child like him who's been riding coat tails his whole life."

"Why are you so concerned with me all of a sudden? And I guess the background check you did on Luhan was forgotten, because do you even know who you're talking about right now?" 

"...It's time to speak to guests."

Right before I could set her straight, we were interrupted. 

 

What I really wanted was to be standing next to Luhan, but I ended up standing by my mother, and Suho next to Luhan. It was obvious Suho wanted it that way, but I knew that a funeral was not the right place to get jealous- although I couldn't help myself. I was very possessive, I saw nothing wrong with that. 

 

Something inside of me felt empty though, like I couldn't breathe freely without feeling like I was choking. It was strange, I didn't know how I could feel that way because my step father meant nothing to me. Maybe though, all those years that I'd watched him shake hands, host big parties, and seen him stress out... And the years I'd watched him love my mother, forgetting whether or not he loved me, there was a chance that in those years I had somehow grown fond of him. 

Maybe I was just crazy. 

 

I saw Hei Jin trying to calm her daughter down as they waited, but for some reason Younok kept pushing her away.

"That girl just won't behave." 

My mother looked down on the two, just like she looked at Luhan. 

"I'm sure she just misses her grandfather."

I looked over to Luhan, who was watching them with a sad expression.

 

After speaking with almost everyone who came, my throat felt dry. I wasn't thirsty, but I was worn out from telling lies; saying things I didn't mean. "We appreciate you coming," I didn't give a damn if this lady in a fur coat came, or if that man in a $600 suit came. Everyone was the same, just coming to the house to look at it, and attending out of obligation, not sadness. Everyone here was so two faced I couldn't stand it, they made me want to vomit all over them- sick people who were greedy. 

 

The worst part was that I used to be like them, blending in with the rich crowd because I could. But now, after Luhan made me realize that money didn't mean unless it was used for good and selflessness, I didn't want any of it. The only reason I kept my job and didn't elope to some 3rd world country, was because it was Luhan's turn to be spoiled a little, and I intended on giving him everything I could-that was the catch though. Saying I wanted to spoil Luhan and give him the world was true, but saying that Luhan wanted to be spoiled, and wanted the world was false. Luhan wanted nothing more but to be with me, and pursue his dreams in college. I made the decision of spoiling him on my own, even if he never asked for anything. Truly amazing he was, that even though I could buy half of South Korea, Luhan settled for a small apartment, and would have settled for less if he had to. 

 

Hei Jin had been at the end of the line and made her way up to my mother and I, speaking to me while my mother just watched with pursed lips, looking down at Hei Jin from her high horse. Somewhere during our short conversation, Younok wondered over to Luhan, crying her eyes out. Although there were many people around, no one seemed to pay any attention to Younok, but despite that fact, I could still tell Hei Jin was flustered as she moved on to speak with Suho, eyeing her daughter carefully. I shot Luhan a 'help her' look, only to have him calmly smiled back at me. He always smiled at me whenever we made eye contact- well as long as we weren't in a fight he would. Bending down to Younok's level, Luhan waved and began talking to her.

 

"What's your name?"

Younok almost immediately calmed down the moment Luhan spoke,

"Y-Younok..."

Her voice was squeaky. 

"That's a pretty name." 

"I'm Luhan, nice to meet you."

Gently, he took her little hand and shook it, causing her to smile just a little bit. 

"What's making such a pretty girl cry?"

"My friends at school make f-fun of me and say h-he was too old, and they don't play with me because my daddy doesn't live with me and my mommy..."

 

My mother leaned over to me and whispered into my ear, but I was too busy watching Luhan to bother with her hateful comments. 

 

"They make fun of you? I wouldn't call them your friends then, that's not very nice." 

Luhan stretched his hand out and patted the little girl on the head, 

"How old are you?"

"N-nine." 

Luhan froze, and my heart practically stopped. I was worried Luhan would keel over and have a heart attack, as he was nine when his mother died. But, to my surprise, Luhan continued to smile. 

"Well, I know you're sad right now, but you know, when someone you love dies, they're always right here."

Pointing to her heart, Luhan began to look like he was about to cry. Sure the moment was sappy, and cheesy like a movie, but it was also very real and sweet. Only Luhan could turn the most eye rolling moments into the most sugar filled scenes. He was just perfect like that.  

"How do you know he's here?" 

Younok was so innocent, swaying her shoulders back and fourth. She didn't see anyone around her, just Luhan. 

"When I was your age, my mom died."

"She died?!"

"Yeah, And I was really sad like you, for a long time, but..." 

 

I turned to my mother who was staring blankly, not answering me. 

My mother turned away from me and began to leave, but I wasn't going to let her get away. I double timed it after her into the main hall, calling out her crude presumptions.

 

"I don't get it! I picked out his clothes, but he insisted on paying, so you can't possibly disapprove of his attire. And he showers everyday, so he isn't dirty or unhygienic." 

"That's not the point."

"Isn't it?! He's skinny, sure, but he's strong. And he's also very, very smart, and as you can see he's also good with kids. So what is so wrong with him, that you have to look at him like he was born on the street?!"  

I tried my best not to raise my voice, but I couldn't contain the rage inside me. 

"Luhan's mother died, in a car accident, mother. She wasn't doing anything wrong, and she didn't deserve it, and incase you were wondering, she was beautiful."

"Beautiful. Hah, I-" 

"Yes, I've seen pictures. Very beautiful. As a matter of fact, Luhan looks just like her." 

I smiled, as my mother was lost for words. Of course I was implying that I thought Luhan was beautiful, and just incase she doubted our relationship at all, I opened my mouth once more,

"Luhan is more high class than anyone here, because he takes no bull, and also never gives it to anyone."

"Watch what you s-"

"I will not! He's more real than any of these two faced liars here. And he has given me things that you've never given me!"

"You deserve more than that rat, you need a woman. He'll only drag you into the slumps, Sehun! What is it you want from me?!"

"LOVE mother! That's all I've ever wanted!" 

My voice echoed throughout the mansion, covering every room with silence. I shook my head and slumped down onto the steps, 

"I never wanted the money, or jobs or schools. I was a child, and all I needed was love. I'm not going to make this into a guilt trip, because I don't give a damn about you, I don't want anything from you anymore."

It was true, that I wanted my parents to love me, like the families I saw around me. But something is learned was that children never forget, and never forgive- at least I didn't.

"You've had things that people like him will never have! You can't possibly be happy with a poor child!" 

My mother pointed to Luhan, who I then saw was standing off to the side, along with Suho. They both looked shocked at our out burst, but it was pointless to stop now. 

 

I began to laugh, feeling hysterical. 

"Hahaha. Wow. You just don't get it, do you?...Listen, we'll never be as wealthy as you, and we'll never have a home like this. We won't have fancy parties or go on extravagant trips either, but at least we don't look down on less fortunate people like you do." 

I walked over to Luhan, and stood by his side, to be surprised when his hand slipped into mind and held on firmly. 

"I'm not asking for your approval, so stop trying to give it to me."

I never needed her approval, and I never wanted it, her opinion didn't matter to me. 

"You're a disappointment of a son." 

Suddenly, Luhan stepped forward, yanking me with him by the hand, 

"How can you say that to your own son?! He might not be doing exactly what you want him to do, but he isn't your little puppet! Sehun is the most hard working person I know, and he is the best teacher I've ever had. You should be proud of him for his accomplishments! Don't look down on him just because he's with me." 

"You-"

"I love your son, and there's nothing you can do about it. So either get over it, or take it to your grave! Come on Sehun." 

Well hot damn. I couldn't help but smile. 

Luhan made me very proud that moment. 

 

Luhan POV: 

My nerves were shot. What the hell was I thinking?! 

I JUST YELLED AT SEHUN'S MOTHER! 

"I can't believe I yelled at her." 

Sehun started to pull the car out,

"I know it was surprising."

"I told her to take it to her grave! I'm such a horrible person."

 I was becoming someone I wasn't, even if that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. But somehow I just got so angry on Sehun's behalf, and I couldn't help but yell.

"I should go apologize. I feel awful, I seriously can't believe I just yelled at your mother on the day of her husbands funeral. Oh my g- what if she disowns you because of me? Or what if she sues you? She wouldn't, would she? , Sehun we need to go b... Se-" 

Suddenly, Sehun slammed on the breaks and leaned over, kissing me gently on the lips. Then, as if it was just a natural thing, he pulled away and continued to drive. 

"I love you, Luhan. Thank you."

I didn't quite understand what he was thanking me for, but seeing that he wasn't worried or mad, I felt that I shouldn't be either. My heart raced every time he said he loved me, and I still got butterflies thinking about him. I hoped that feeling would never go away, because I wanted to love Sehun for the rest of my life.