"Hey." 

"You're here." I watched my boss walk over to where I was sitting on the ground, against the wall.

"Of course I'm here. Did you get a new phone? The number was different when you called." 

"No, I called from the library.." Lucky for me, the library had a free phone. Even more lucky, it was open at this time of day. 

"Well come on, let's go inside." My boss was probably one of the coolest people I knew around- he wasn't exactly kind looking from the outside, but he was kind at heart. He'd taken me in a year ago when I was looking for work and couldn't find any. 

Who would accept a skinny, dweeby foreign Chinese teen? 

 

"So tell me, why did you call?" 

"I know this is a lot to ask of you, but right now I don't really have anywhere to stay, my friend and I. Do you th-"

"If you're asking to stay at my place, the answer will always be yes." 

"Really?!" 

"Of course. Let's sit down and talk though, I want to know what's going on." Aside from being my boss, he was my friend. 

 

Kim Chen. 

He was actually the same age as Sehun, but much shorter. Chen wasn't overweight, but the bulk of his muscles looked a little funny with his small frame. For some odd reason, his name was Chinese, not Korean. Maybe he studied in China a while or something, I never got around to asking. Chen was cold on the outside, actually he looks really scary, but at the end of the day, he's one of the most kind people I've met. 

Chen was special. 

Special as in he knew about my abuse, and knew I was living with Sehun- no one else but Kris knew. 

At first, when I told him I was living with Sehun, he seemed worried about me. 

Although he said he didn't personally know Sehun, the name seemed to bring back bad memories for him. 

I didn't want to pry. 

 

"So what's going on?" Chen sat across from me in the booth with his hands behind his head, and his leg crossed over the other. It was only 5:30 AM, and I knew he was tired. 

"I got in a fight with Sehun and I just don't want to go back yet." 

"So you're running away?" 

"Well no. Not exactly.. More like taking some time off." I sighed, remembering how I had yelled at him before I left. 

"Was the argument your fault?" 

"No, but it wasn't his either... But that's not why I don't want to go back. It's because I said some nasty things and I don't want to face him right now." 

"I understand. But you know, you're going to have to make up sometime."

"I know.." Sitting, staring at my hands in the dark cafe, I began to cry again. 

"It's just so bad.." Practically whispering, I sniffled my nose, 

"I said such nasty things. I said I hated him." 

"Do you?" 

"Of course not!" 

"Hey, no need to get defensive." 

"S-sorry.." Why did everything about Sehun send me off the handle bars? "So you like him?" 

"No," actually.. "I love him." My body felt relieved once I said it out loud. Like I'd been keeping it inside forever, it felt good to tell someone. 

"I love him, and that's why I can't go back." 

"Does he love you, too?" 

"See, that's the thing." Pulling myself together, and wiping my tears away, I faced the truth. 

"He doesn't love me back." 

 

Even though I tried to hold it together, the longer Chen and I spoke, the more I cried. It was too painful for me. 

Finally, I found someone to love. 

But it was all wrong! Everything was wrong. All my life, all I really wanted was love. I'd been searching for myself when I was really just searching for someone to love me in place of my mother. But it hurt like hell that the one person I felt comfortable with, the one person I let in, just didn't feel the same way. 

 

Chen took my to his apartment and let me lay on his bed to get some shut eye before school. My body was exhausted and my brain was fried, and I only had 2 hours to rest. Sadly, it was a school day and I needed to go. Just because my life was falling apart didn't mean my grades had to suffer. I knew I'd regret it later if I let my grades slip. Kris would be here soon with the things I asked him to bring over the phone- basically a ton of my clothes and such. 

I wasn't planning on going back anytime soon. 

 

"Has Sehun specifically told you he doesn't feel the same way?" I laid flat on my back, staring at the unfamiliar ceiling. Chen's home smelled like a doctors office. Not that it was bad, it was just squeaky clean. 

I missed the smell of Sehun. The smell of minty shampoo, sweet cologne with just hint of his man sweat. Maybe I was turning into some kind of creep, but I'd breathe it in when we laid by one another and I came to like it. 

"Luhan?"

"Huh?" 

"I asked if he's told you he doesn't love you." 

"Oh sorry. I wasn't listening. No, he hasn't exactly said that." Chen came and sat at the end of the bed like Sehun would, but it made me feel different. 

Actually, I didn't feel anything at all, that was the difference. 

"Just think about it. Sehun has been my teacher for three years. I'm pretty sure he still hates me deep down and he's 24 years old, 7 years senior to me." 

"So?" 

"So? What do you mean so? It's illegal for him to date a student. And I'm a guy. And he thinks I'm a child. Oh, and plus," I sprang up from bed, "he's my legal guardian! There has to be laws against that." Flopping back down in bed, I sighed heavily,

"He's attractive and successful. Sehun could have anyone he wanted." 

"Why don't you just tell him? The worst thing he could say is he doesn't feel the same way." 

"And kick me out." 

"He wouldn't do that." Deep down, I knew Sehun wouldn't dump me on the side of the road. He wasn't that kind of a person. Yet, I felt so afraid to speak to him in fear I'd be abandoned. 

"Just get some rest, I'll wake you when you need to get up." 

"Thank you." I thought that if I left home, I'd be alone. But laying in Chen's bed in his apartment, I realized I wasn't alone. 

I just needed to let people in.

 

Sehun POV: 

Luhan looked awful. 

The dark bags under his eyes, his messy, wrinkled uniform and hair sticking up everywhere, I'd never seen him that way before. 

 

Luhan POV: 

Sehun's glasses couldn't hide his bloodshot eyes. He hadn't styled his hair either, his bangs fell into his eyes. Some of the girls were laughing because part of Sehun's shirt wasn't tucked in all the way, and he also put on navy pants instead of black. 

I'd never seen him that way before, so unwound and imperfect. 

 

Sehun POV: 

Kris gave me a very unpleasant surprise this morning by waking me up with ice water- in my face. After a long lecture, he left my apartment in a hurry, leaving me completely alone.

Class for me was a pain in the . For once, I didn't want to teach a ton of teens chemistry. I didn't want to be on top of everyone else, I just wanted to straighten things out with Luhan. Being an adult, I was not going to act like a child. I cared way too much about Luhan to let something I didn't even understand get in the way. 

 

Why Luhan was angry with me truly remained a mystery, the only thing holding me back from asking him about it was the three words he said practically 7 hours ago. 

 

 

My heart broke. 

I had fallen so hard for Luhan, I was scaring myself. 

 

Luhan and I made eye contact quite a few times during class, but no words were spoken. 

"Make sure you don't capitalize the C, otherwise you'll get a totally different answer. I'm going to write an equation on the board, then I'll call on one of you to answer it." Why the school used chalk instead of a white board was also a mystery. 

I hated chalk boards. 

The gritty white chalk and screechy green board was just disgusting to me. 

With a whole half hour left of class, I turned around to chose someone to call on. Everyone stared at me, eager not to be chosen on, except Luhan. 

Luhan sat with his arms folded across his chest, looking out the window. He was obviously avoiding me because he was three desks away from the window, smack dab in the center, so the window wasn't exactly ideal to look out of from his spot. 

"Luhan." 

"Huh?" 

"Please answer the equation." 

"I didn't raise my hand." I had expected Luhan to death glare me, but instead he stared at the ground. It reminded me of when I first met him. 

"I know. And you weren't paying attention." Grumbling, he got out of his desk and slid past me, picking up the white chalk. I stood off to the side watching him write. 

His hand was stiff, his eyes fixated on the board like he was breaking a sweat just by writing. 

"I'm done." 

"It's wrong." 

"What?" Luhan paused, surprised he got the answer wrong. 

I wasn't surprised. 

"I just said not to capitalize the C in the equation. Now it's not carbon. You should listen when I'm teaching." I watched Luhan's hands curl into fists and his face tense up. 

"Yeah, I should always be listening to you. Because you're always right and I'm always wrong." 

"I only said when I'm teaching and in this case, you were wrong."

"But that's not what you really mean, right? I should always listen to you, but you don't have to listen to me. That's how it goes." Luhan leaned in close to my face and harshly whispered, 

"You said you'd protect me, and you lied." He backed away and sat back down in his desk, 

"How am I supposed to listen to everything you have to say if you're a liar?" Clearing my throat, not knowing exactly what to say, I said what any teacher would. 

"Stay after class, we have to talk. And if you leave right away, detention." In all honesty, I wasn't going to put the detention on his record if he didn't show up. 

It was just an excuse to speak with him. 

 

So the reason he was angry was because I didn't keep my word? 

I knew very well I hadn't kept my word, and it hurt me as well. But if I could apologize to Luhan, maybe he would understand. 

Sometimes I wondered why I even try to keep people around. I'm just a ty man inside and out, there isn't an ounce of purity in me anymore. 

Luhan was my only light, but the more I reached for him, the more he faded away. 

 

"What." Luhan impatiently glared at me after the students had left. Although I wanted to get on my knees and beg for forgiveness, I calmly walked over to the door and closed it. Then I returned to my desk, plopping into my seat. Luhan still wouldn't look at me, his eyes glued to  the floor. The room was filled with an awkward silence, as neither of us knew where to start. 

I needed to apologize. But suddenly, when the time came for me to speak, my courage disappeared. 

"...do you have everything you need?" 

"What?" 

"At Chen's. Do you need anything?" 

"O-oh.. No. How did you-" 

"Kris likes to run his mouth when he's angry."

"Oh." Again we were silent, listening to the noise outside the classroom and the air vents humming, Luhan opened his mouth again, fidgeting with his sleeve. 

"What about you?" 

"Me?"

"D-do you have everything you need?" 

"I'm still at my house." 

"Oh! Um.. Right, I meant will you be okay?"

"I've lived on my own for a long time, I'll manage. How long will you be gone?"

"I don't know." This was ridiculous. We were waisting time, asking useless questions to put off what mattered. 

"Listen Luhan, I'm still in charge of you, and that apartment with all our things in it is still our home. Don't hesitate to come back." 

What I really meant was: 

But my emotions never came out right. 

"I'm also sorry for the things I said yesterday-"

"No!" 

"No?" 

"It... I'm the one who should be apologizing." Lowering his head even more, Luhan spoke softly. 

"I didn't mean what I said about your family not wanted you." 

"It's fine, it's true." 

"But it's not my place. And about hating you... I didn't mean that either." 

"It's okay."  

"It's not okay, stop saying everything is okay!" 

"Luhan-" 

"No, I don't want to hear anymore! Just stop talking!" Luhan covered his ears and began shedding tears again. 

 

For one of the first times, I didn't understand Luhan.  

 

"I hate everything!" His words held anger behind them, 

"I just want everything to go back to normal! I don't care if I get beat, I don't care if I fail ing chemistry!" Luhan's body shook from excitement.

"How can you say that? You know you're better now than you were before." 

"I'm not though! I'm in more pain now than I was when you found me that night. I'm in more pain now than I've felt since my mother died! And it's all your fault!" Taking a few long strides to Luhan, I pulled him out of his desk and wrapped my arms around his narrow shoulders. I could feel Luhan's body shake as sobs and hiccups filled the room. 

"I just d-don't want to do this anymore." 

"Do what?" 

"Feel. I don't want to feel anymore! When my mother died, I felt pain. Every time my father hit me, I felt pain." Luhan startled me by wrapping his arms around my waist, squeezing tightly.  

"And when I was bullied everyday for 4 years, I felt pain. And now? I still feel pain! If all caring for someone does is bring pain, I don't want to care for anyone." His words.. 

"Why do you still hurt?" 

"Because you don't want me either." "Now that's just silly." Although his words might not have meant what I wanted them to mean, I love you, there was an important question I had to ask. 

"Luhan, do you care about me?" 

 "You're the one who took phycology, read between the lines." I smiled. 

"I care about you too," I could see Luhan blushing from the side,

"I've told you this before, I wouldn't have taken you in if you were going to be a burden to me. Believe me when I say that." 

"So.. You forgive me?" 

"Forgive you? Luhan, I'm the one who is asking for forgiveness.. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you like I said I could. I'm a lousy person, but I always keep my promises. And I broke this one." 

"You didn't know what was going to happen, though." 

"It was also wrong for me to accuse you of things when I didn't have all the details, I'm sorry." 

"I forgive you."

How was it that Luhan couldn't tell how I felt? 

I practically wore my love on my sleeve, all he had to do was look. 

 

Luhan POV:  

"U-um.. Professor Oh?" 

"Hmm?" 

"When are you going to let me go?" I didn't want him to let go, I wanted to stay. 

But what if someone saw us? 

Sehun let me go and ruffled my hair. It'd been a while since he'd done that and it sent tingles through my body. 

"Listen Luhan, there's something we need to talk about."

"We can just talk n-" 

"No, here isn't the right place. Meet me after school, I want to go for a drive." He sounded just as serious as he looked. Sehun always carried a dark, deep facial expression, and it always darkened around me. 

Despite his words, I couldn't help but feel like he was just saying things because he pitied me. 

I was difficult that way. 

"Um.. May I ask why?" 

"You'll find out." Sehun began to gather his things, preparing to leave the classroom. 

"Sehun! Tell me why."  

"There's something I need to tell you."