I sat on the couch, watching Kris explain to Jongin what happened. 

"...and then he just smacked Luhan across the face!" 

"Without any reason to?" 

"Except he was drunk, that's why he did it." It had been almost three hours, almost one in the morning, but I wasn't tired. 

Only one thing was in my mind. "Luhan, is it okay to explain to him about your father?" I slowly nodded, calmer than before. 

"Luhan father was a drunk-" 

"Is. Is a drunk." He hadn't stopped. 

"Is a drunk, and he continuously beat Luhan up- which is why Sehun ended up obtaining custody of him." The concern on Jongin's face, looking at me, then back at the ground, then to Kris again. He was thinking about something. 

"So... When Sehun hit Luhan, it..." Kris shrugged and I saw he was beginning to get choked up,

"You know, it- ah.." My best friend, Kris, cared for me so much that he'd cry for me even when I wasn't shedding any tears. Kris was more than I could ever ask for. 

"It just- ah- it makes me sad.." 

"I understand." Jongin turned and sat next to me, making me rise a little on the sofa, 

"I'm sorry Luhan. I really can't believe he hit you without any reason. It's not like-" 

"It's my fault,."

"What?" 

"It's my fault, I gave him the reason."

"Don't even-"

"I was angry, and I knew he was drunk but yet I... Yet i provoked him. Sehun never means to hurt me." 

"Luhan, that is exactly what you said the first time your father hit you." 

"But Sehun isn't my father! He isn't the same as that man!" I stood up, almost hysterical. Sehun. 

Was he still on the ground? 

Was he even at home? 

What if... 

"I have to go to him." I made my way to the door and slipped my shoes on, reaching for the handle. 

"No! I won't let you go back there damnit!" Kris pulled me away with all his strength. 

"Kris please. I have to see if he's okay!" 

"Luhan he's drunk! You can't-" 

"It's been three hours, he would be better by now. I'd know. And I love him, Kris... He won't hurt me again." Looking into Kris' watery eyes, seeing the pain I was causing... It drove me insane. If it was anyone else, I'd do as Kris said to not worry him, but it was Sehun. 

"Kris, let me go." And he did. Kris and I both knew that I wouldn't give up until I saw him. 

"I'm coming with you, Luhan." Jongin stood up and put his shoes on as well. 

"Kris are you-" 

"No. I'd get too angry and probably hit him again, I'll wait here." Jongin nodded at him, then opened the door for me and we left. The air was cold when we walked outside, colder than I remembered it when Kris and I left. And the moon looked beautiful. 

It was crazy how something like the moon could look so beautiful when everything was an ugly mess for me.   There are constants in life, and one of them is the moon. It'll always be there. But Sehun and I... I wanted to be the constant for Sehun, to always be there. 

I didn't hesitate at the door before opening it, I just grabbed it and turned, pushing it open. Sehun was no longer on the ground, but that only made me worried. 

"Jongin, wait here, please." I made my way down the dark hallway, not thinking to turn on a light. If Sehun wasn't in a room... What if he had done something stupid? It scared me to death, that thought. 

Gently, I pushed open his door, and I found him sitting with his back facing me, on the other side of the bed, his head in his hands. 

"Sehun?" Sehun flinched, but did not turn around. I slowly walked in, making my way to the bed. 

"Don't come near me." My heart ached as I walked towards Sehun. 

How could I not go near the one I loved?  

"I said don't-" I hugged Sehun from behind, as tightly as I could. He tried to push me away, but I didn't let him. I needed him, and he needed me. Suddenly Sehun thrashed around and shoved me off of him. 

"Don't you get it?" Looking at him in dismay, I shook my head and wrapped my arms around him again- this time he didn't push me away. Sitting up on my knees as Sehun, who was now facing me, rested his head on my shoulder, I saw how small I really was compared to him. 

"I destroy... everything I touch." 

"No, it was my fault. Sehun you can't blame yourself for this, I pushed you too far." 

"But I was the one who got drunk, right?" I didn't answer. 

"Even if this wasn't my fault, one day it will be and you'll leave me." For the first time ever, Sehun was showing me his weak side, crying into my shoulder. And in all honestly, my heart broke. 

"That isn't going to happen because we are made for each other. We won't-" 

"No one is made for anyone, we just think that." 

"Don't say that, don't say things like that! There's no one else for me but you. I want you by my side." 

"For how long? Until you discard me when I messed up? Because I'm going to mess up." 

How was it... That he felt the same way I did? I always thought he was going to be the one discarding me, but never the other way around. 

"I'm just like your father, Luhan." 

"Stop." Squeezing Sehun even harder, my tears started to drop onto his back. 

"You're not like him. Maybe one thing you did was one thing he did, but it's different."

"It's not-"

"It is! Because I love you, and I don't love him. I can't live without you, but I can and will always be living without him. It's not the same, it's not fair to compare yourself to him, Sehun." For a moment, Sehun was quietly hiccuping into my shoulder. 

"If you want to cry, Sehun, please cry." In an instant, as if he'd been waiting for those words, Sehun began to cry. 

 

And I mean, cry. 

 

It was as if he'd been holding in his tears since he'd been a child- which I guess I didn't doubt. Sehun hiccuped, and shook why gripping my sleeves. And I cried too, not for him, but with him. I cried because it made me deeply sad how much pain he was in, and how much pain he'd been baring alone. The way Sehun cried was not ugly (like me), but each sob that came out filled my ears with a heartbreaking sound, and I could only cry and cry more. 

"Sehun, please... Don't say things like  I'll leave you, because I promise," tears streamed down my cheeks and began to burn my dried out skin, 

"I promise I won't ever, ever, leave you alone." Hearing those words, Sehun shook even more, and I could feel my shoulder becoming wet from his tears. For once, I was the one Sehun needed to cling to, not the other way around. For once, I was the one holding him, and I liked it. I shifted my position to lean against the wall board, my legs stretched out with Sehun in between them, collapsed onto my shoulder. He had his arms tightly wrapped around my waist and mine around his neck. I brought my hand up to his head to gently his hair as he cried... It all made me feel important, that he could cry on me and needed me to hold him. But even though I was there, and I reassured Sehun I wouldn't leave, he continued to cry. I couldn't help but think there was something else wrong. 

"Hey, Sehun, what's making you cry?" Sehun's grip on me tightened and his sobs became almost uncontrollable. A few moments passed, and he didn't answer. 

"You don't have to bare everything alone, please Sehun... Let me in." I think that what Sehun needed was for me to tell him that I wanted to know more about him. What he didn't really understand was that he could tell me the worst things about him, and I'd still love him- so he kept it to himself and it ate him up inside. 

"Do you... Remember- th...that scar I have on my chest?" His voice was sun usually high, but I couldn't help but be comforted by it just because he was finally speaking. 

"Yeah, I do, the one from when you got shot." 

"That's the only lie I've told you."

"Huh?" 

"I didn't get shot... I shot." 

"What do you..." Sehun tried to-

"I tried to commit suicide, Luhan." His words came out breathy and weak and I was positive my heart stopped. 

"But... the gun defaulted and- I ended up stunning that part if my chest instead." 

"Sehun," I cried more and held onto him tighter, knowing I could have lost him- or lost the change of ever getting him. 

"You m-must think differently of me now, right?" Sehun hiccuped and sniffled, 

"Of course not. Don't you remember my scars on my wrists? I tried too, sehun... But what we both tried isn't important, what's important is that it didn't work, and we're together." Sehun began to calm down a little bit. Most people would have given him a disgusted look, or maybe become more gentle around him, but I knew that what he did in the past didn't matter. The only thing that hurt me was that in order to even consider taking your own life, you have to be feeling lower than low, and more alone than anyone could imagine. 

That's how he used to feel. 

"I have little to no feeling in that part of my chest? and part of my shoulder now, and the scar is s-so huge, I can't ever forget." 

"Why did you want to die, Sehun?" 

"Because I didn't know you yet."

"Me? But, you didn't know you we're going to know me." 

"But you've taught me... So many things. And you love me. I didn't have that back then- I..." His sobs started to come out again, 

"I h-had nobody..." Sehun hoarsely whispered, 

"I was so alone, Luhan." 

"But you're not anymore, so don't ever push me away, okay?" 

"I need you so much. But...I'm just afraid I'll drive you away." 

"I won't let that happen. Never." Please believe in me, Sehun. I'm honest with you, and I'm dangerously in love with all of you, every part. 

Even your tyrant teacher side. 

 

Jongin POV:

About an hour or so later, I went to check on Luhan. I heard plenty of crying and no yelling, so I decided it was okay that they were alone. When I walked into the room, I couldn't help but smile. Sehun, manly-Sehun, had his head rested on Luhan chest. Luhan's arms and hands were holding Sehun like a child, both of them fast asleep. It was obvious to me that Luhan was special to Sehun. For Sehun to let his gaurd down and show someone himself during his weakest moments, they had to be the most trusted and special person in the whole world to him. 

I saw no problem. 

So I left. 

 

"Hey, where is Luhan?! You left him alone?!" Kris, Luhan's best friend I guess, waltzed up to me and started blowing up again when I got home. 

"They'll be fine." 

"Fine? Sehun probably said some magical words that made Luhan fall under the allusion that he needs him and Luhan probably doesn't even know. Sehun probably ended up yelling at Luhan to show him who's boss and now Luhan doesn't know what to do because-"

"They were sleeping, actually."

"Well, then Sehun was probably holding onto Luhan so he couldn't get away! He's just-" 

"Actually," I smiled at Kris, 

"Luhan was holding Sehun."