be mine forever...don't leave me ever

So, I had finally come full circle. I had finally lost bet with the Fates, with God and with everyone else I had thought to make a bet with. The Devil might probably fork and knife right now. He seemed to have more right to me then anyone else. I guess that was only right, after all, I did a lot of terrible things when I was younger. So my little trip around the world got cut short when one day I just collapsed. Been in this damned hospital ever since. I cursed my body for failing on me again. I had only meant to come back for a while to see Daesung and Dara noona to catch up things.

Once I was in one place more than a few days later, Jiyong had found me. Within twenty four hours, I had an armful of tearful man. Try saying that four times fast. He apologised, I accepted and we are once again the best friends. Daesung and Dara noona came and visit me. Daesung had explained the whole Chaerin’s story thing to me and I thought I would weep from the whole irony of the situation. Too late, it was all too late.

Chaerin has came and murmuring her apologies. I really wanted to tell her to let go, but I just decided to shut up and let things be for a while. Not much time to enjoy all this much longer.

"Chaerin, I don't blame you," I told her for the eleventh time when she had controlled herself enough to sit back into her chair. Jiyong's chair or Daesung's chair… whatever.

"You should," she said in tiny voice.

"And that would make you feel better?" I asked her, a little shocked. Where did she get all these weird ideas? Life was a little too short for me to be placing blame.

Her head came up and there was pain within her lovely eyes. "It might."

I nod my head. "Fine, I blame you for the fact that I have cancer. Happy?" I smiled at her. Damn the pain was coming back. It caught me by surprise and I couldn't do anything but clench my teeth and tried to ride it out. I feel Chaerin's hands holding mine tightly. Something was pressed to my lips and I was forced to swallow. Pills, damn her, she was forcing the pills on me. I tried to fight her, but I was already too far gone with the pain and my failing body. To hell with it, and I swallowed with the help of water. She continue to hold me until the medication started to take the edge of things. It didn't fully work anymore and the doctors were considering something stronger, morphine, they said. Like bloody hell they would.

"That was cheap," I told her, tiredly. I always feel like a drag doll after each attack.

"You need it," she said, but I could still see the hurt and guilty in her eyes from watching me battle the pain. It was as if she was in pain too.

"So what now?" I sighed deeply.

"Daesung told you about…" she trailed off.

About the whole 'I married someone else to save your sorry ' thing. "Yeah, he told me," I smiled.

"There's nothing I can do to change things now." Chaerin whispered and as clouded as I was, I could hear the guilt in her tone.

"God," I burst out. "Chaerin, stop blaming yourself. I had lived my live. It was enough."

"But we can't be together…" she was sobbing.

"What we had was enough," I told her firmly and grap her hand. "Our time together was wonderful, Chaerin,  even though the ending sort of ."

She moved to sit at the edge of the bed, her hand coming to my face, my cheek, my jaw. She seem need to touch me. Since it felt good, I didn't protest. I could see the sudden determination in her eyes as she reached her bag and pulled out a small velvet box.

She opened the box. And I was caught on my breath. It was two identical platinum rings, simple and elegant. Embedded in each was a small diamond. Two most enduring elements on this Earth. I take one and saw a simple inscription inside.

S&C FOREVER.

And it was dated three years ago.

I was getting teary. I thought I was over the whole crying thing years ago. Only Chaerin had the power to do this to me.

Chaerin took it from me and lifted my left hand. "Lee Seunghyun, with this ring, I thee wed." And slid it onto my ring finger. It may have fit three years ago, but now it was caught on my knuckle. Still, it fit some what.

I lifted my hand, the drugs was took effect now, rendering my mind a little blurry. The simple ring around my finger was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen and probably ever will see. I didn't even know I finally lost control of holding in my tears. Chaerin wipe my tears gently away, this tender smile on her face that said everything.

Suddenly, I wanted this too; I wanted us to have some semblance of forever. A little weak, I held my hand out to the remaining ring and Chaerin took it out for me, placing it in my hand. She reached out her left hand towards me and I grasped it.

"Lee Chaerin," I slurred a little. "With this ring, I thee wed." I tried to slide it on, but I think I was too far gone. I felt her hand over mine, helping me wear it on her. I felt her lifting my hand and kissing it, kissing the ring she just put on me, then the identical one on her own hand.

"Forever," she told me with the gentlest smile.

I fought the sleep the drugs brought and returned the smile. "For as long as I can hold on," I told her drowsily.

Her hand tightened. "No, I meant it. Forever."

I nodded, letting my eyes lid close. I really need to sleep. If this time I don't wake up, I won't worry about not going to heaven.

Because, I think I just found it.

Okay, for those with the question, did  Seungri die? (Say that fast three times). 

My pray, love

we meet

at The Gates of Heaven

My answer is; everyone is born dying.

F.I.N.I.S.H.