Dara can’t believe she’s breaking down in-front of Suho. She kept this emotion to herself for three long days because she’s afraid that if someone else would know, she’ll end up messing things up again. She has to make a decision that would fix everything even if it cost her happiness. Sacrifice. A little sacrifice for now would make a difference in her situation. With their situation.

“Why?” Suho asked, tormented and worried. He looked at his girlfriend and he saw that she’s also worried to Dara. Both of them were already close to Dara. “This soon?”

“My parents were silently monitoring my activities here and they knew that I went to Jeju without asking for permission!” Dara said while sobbing. “It seems like they’re not… they’re not pleased because I didn’t inform them.”

“You went to Jeju? When? With whom?” Suhos’ eyebrows furrow as he eyed Dara.

Dara can’t look at Suho straight to his eyes. But she has to say it to him- for him to understand her. Understanding from other people is the least she can have right now. “W-with Donghae.”

Suho cannot find a word to say. He just looked at Dara whose crying like a lost child. He sighed and stares at her like she’s the lost sister Suho wanted. Since day 1, he had this weird feeling for Dara- the feeling that he wanted to protect her. “When will you go home? Will you finish this semester?”

Dara shook her head. She wipes the tears on her cheeks and faced Suho. She faintly smiled as she said the words that would crash her- inside. She knew that even if she’ll protest to her parents, they wouldn’t listen to her anyway. They were one of those person who wants to control someone else life. “Next week.”

Suhos’ eyes widened. He looked at Dara with eyes wide open. Next week is too fast. “W-why? I mean, why that fast?”

“Papa is very mad. I-I don’t know why.” Dara shook her head and harshly wipe the tears on her face. “H-he told me to come back home as soon as possible. I-I even insisted that I should finish this semester but he’s… he’s very mad at me.”

Suho can’t find a word to say. He just stares at Dara and watched her cry again. He’s in a dilemma right now: uncertain if he’ll tell Donghae about this or just kept it to himself. “So, that’s the reason why you ended up breaking their heart?”

Dara continued sobbing. She can’t even nod her head to approve what Donghae said. She wants to stay here and want to start all over again- with Donghae. Yes, for the nth time, she’ll choose Donghae. But their situation right now doesn’t approve it. She wants to be with him until the last minute that Donghae and her felt the ‘love’ for each other.

“Why do you love Donghae?” Suho asked. “Don’t you think that you just see him as the guy who’s always there for you in times of trouble? That you only see Donghae as the guy who always protects you from the pain? From the sadness?”

Dara shook her head. She raised it and stares at Suho. She smiled at him, the most genuine smile she can give as of now, and said. “Suho, if I only see Donghae as my Super-Donghae, the guy who would do everything just to make me happy and all, would you think that I’d still end up crying like this in-front of you?” Suho didn’t react; he just stares at Dara who smiled at him. “I love Donghae for no apparent reason. Maybe all of you would think that this is just a shallow love; a kind of love that would come and go; a love that is bind by immature feelings. But for me, my love for Donghae is incomparable, immeasurable.”

Suho just stares at Dara and smiled. “It always amaze me how you love Dara.”

“W-why?”

“You always make sure that if you love, you just love. I even remember the look on your face when I told you that you have feelings for Donghae.” Suho said while chuckling. “You denied it, tried your best to get away with the feelings, but you failed, Dara. You failed. You just fall.”

Dara smiled and looked at Suho intently. She’s becoming teary-eyed again. “I-I will surely miss you Suho. Most especially the advices you’ll tell me in times like this.”

Suho ushered Dara to come near him and hugged her tightly. “I’ll miss you, my older sister.”

Dara silently cried again. She’s crying because of the fact that she’ll miss all the friends she has for almost six months of stay here. “Be nice to your girlfriend, Suho. I’ll prick all your hair if you’ll hurt him.”

“I will.”

“Take care and be happy always.”

“No, you should be the one to be happy. You deserve all the happiness, noona.”

***

Dara waited for the right time to talk to Jiyong. Two days already passed and she’s afraid that Jiyongs’ anger hasn’t subsided. Years of being away with him are disadvantageous to her. She has no idea how Jiyong manage his anger towards her. She’s not a hypocrite not to acknowledge the pain she caused to Jiyong but she has to. Prolonging all of this doesn’t save every one of them to the pain.

Dara sighed. It’s been 15 minutes since she texted Jiyong that she’ll be waiting for him. She’ll wait for him to the place where it all started- the place where both of them called their Haven. She looked down and remembers how happy they were back then. The happiness, the simple things they’ll do and all. It makes her happy and at the same time sad.

“I thought you’ll not wait for me.”

Dara looked up and saw Jiyong after two days. She stands-up and reached for his face. He had bruises and his lips were swollen. She already had an idea what happened to him. Her lips were trembling upon meeting Jiyongs’ eyes. The way Jiyong looked at her is very different- distant and cold. She misses the times when Jiyong used to look at her like she’s the only one. She misses them but now… she just want Donghae to look at her like that.

“Jiyong…”

Jiyong met Daras’ eyes. He swings away Daras’ hands that landed on his face. “What do you want?”

Dara was taken aback and reality hit her. Jiyong is still mad at her. Who wouldn’t anyway? She acted like a for dumping Jiyong in-front of many people. “Jiyong…”

“I’m a busy student Dara. Tell me what you want so I can leave.”

Without thinking, Dara hugged Jiyong tightly. She buried her face on his chest and cried. Tears flowed freely from her eyes now. It was… out in the open. She just buried her face on Jiyongs’ chest and cried there- like she used to do when she’s sad. A little while, Jiyongs’ arm enveloped her and he’s now hugging her tightly. His broad shoulders were now shaking, indicating that he’s also crying along with her.

Why are they crying? Both of them asked themselves. They used to be happy; they used to be contented to each other, but now? What happened to them? Both of them stayed like that for awhile, but Dara initiated to break the hug. She wipes her tears and smiled at Jiyong. “H-how are you?”

Jiyong who’s wiping the tears on his face smiled at Dara too. The anger and pain he’s keeping for two days already subsided. Just one hug from her and it healed everything. He’s always been like that; he’s always like that if Dara is the one involved. “Before the hug? I am dying inside.”

“Jiyong…” Dara said, while reaching for Jiyongs’ hands. “I-I---“

“Don’t… don’t touch me.” Jiyong said, in a low tone. He looked at Dara into her eyes and he clearly saw the pained expression of her eyes. But he just want to be honest, he doesn’t want Dara to touch him. He’s afraid that if she’ll do, he’ll end up begging again. “Because if you’ll touch me, I’ll get hurt again. The pain and the wound, I will feel it again.”

Dara bow down her head and bit her lower lip. She felt like she’s very bad, which is true. She’s bad for hurting Jiyong. “I’m sorry…”

“I love you Dara.” Jiyong said. He’s fighting himself for raising the tone of his voice because he knew that Dara doesn’t deserve to be shouted. “Why did you break-up with me?”

“I’m sorry.”

“I admit it, I cheated on you. But don’t you think that you also did the same? You cheated on me! And , with my own best-friend? Of all people, why did you choose Donghae? Huh?!” Jiyong hissed. He grasp Daras’ arm and held it tightly. “I-I can ing accept it if it was another guy but, Donghae?!”

“I-I didn’t choose him, Ji. It was… it was vivid and just… just one day I woke up thinking about him and my feelings for him!” Dara looked at Jiyong with tears falling down on her face. “I didn’t know I fall for him Jiyong. I tried my best to fight but…”

“But you just fall…” Jiyong bitterly muttered. “I honestly want to strangle you for cheating on me but… but I love you, Dara. Both of us know that we love each other.”

Dara shook her head. “Jiyong…”

“We can start all over again. With clean—“

“I don’t love you anymore.”

Jiyong froze and his gaze fixed on Dara. He stares at her and the bitterness he felt started to consume him. Jiyong bitterly smiled. “It hurts more than anything else. It hurts knowing that the girl you love, the girl who used to love you and look at you like you’re the only person that ever existed in her world, already changed her heart.”

“Look at me Ji.” Dara muttered. “Love is something that we should treasure, Jiyong. We may love today and be gone tomorrow but it doesn’t mean leaving the past behind. I am not doing this to get revenge Ji, I am just being honest. I-I don’t love you anymore. I-I’m sorry for hurting you like this, like hell, but that’s the least thing I can do.”

“How can you say things like that like you’re just telling me that the grass is green?” Jiyong asked, tormented and hurting. “How can you say that you don’t love me anymore like that?”

“Because it’s true.” Dara said. “I-I don’t want to lie, Ji. Lying is not my cup of tea and if I’ll lie to you and tell you that I still love you, what will happen next?”

“You’re one of a hell sadist, Dara.” Jiyong muttered. “You like seeing people around you get hurt.”

“I-I’m sorry.”

Jiyong exhaled and smiled. For the very first time, he smiled. He forgets about the sad thing that happened to them. “I realized that love doesn’t really conquer all. Because if it do, why did we end up like this?” Jiyong said. He looked at Dara to her eyes and cups her face. The face that he’ll surely miss. “If I tell you that I wouldn’t let go of you, would you stay? If I tell you that I wont give up that easily, would you stay? Because honestly Dara, I-I still love you.

Yes, I cheated but it doesn’t mean that I don’t love you anymore. I cheated because… because I don’t want to hurt you. I know you’re not like those es I , those girls who can give me things that I know you’re not yet ready, things that…. Damn it! I love you Dara, please…”

Dara closes her eyes and then shook her head. “I don’t want to hurt you further more Jiyong. If we’ll try it again, if we’ll start all over again, we’ll only end up regretting it. A relationship won’t work if the other one has no feelings Ji. I-I don’t love you anymore, I’m sorry.”

Jiyong sighed. “D-Did you regret it? The day you decided to go back here? The day you said ‘yes’ to my decision on having a long distance relationship?”

Dara shook her head. “I am not regretting the day I came back here Ji, I didn’t and I won’t. Because if I didn’t come back, I wouldn’t feel the love you always told me. During thoise times when you’re away from me, I always ask myself how it feels to be loved by you. Even if you cheated on me, I still feel the love Jiyong.  I am happy you love me back Ji. I am happy that I felt how to be loved back by my first love. I didn’t regret it Ji, because if I do, I wouldn’t have meet Donghae. Love is sweet and painful at the same time. And what I felt towards you isn’t all about the pain. You made me feel like I am the luckiest girl, you made me feel secure and loved. But the thing is… our love for each other isn’t enough.

Love understands and sacrifice. You told me you love me, up to now, but how about me? I-I did loved you, Ji.  Loved. Please understand. I am done loving you, Ji.”

Jiyong started crying again. Regretting all the bulls he made. If he didn’t ed-up, would Dara still love her? If he listened to Donghae before, would they still end-up cheating on him? Regrets. That’s the hardest part of living. Regretting all the things you’ve done or you want to do but didn’t do.

“You… you will always be my first love, my first true love, Jiyong.” Dara said while crying. She closes her eyes and felt Jiyongs’ lips on her forehead. A kiss from her first love.

“I love you, Dara…”

“Thank you but I’m sorry.” Dara muttered as she felt the embrace of Jiyong.

The last embrace he’ll ever give to the girl he loves. He must let go of her, not because he’s a coward for not fighting for her; he must let go of her because he want her to be happy. Love understands and sacrifices… He’ll sacrifice. Dara used to sacrifice for their relationship before and it’s about time for him to sacrifice too.

Love isn’t always about fighting for your feelings and for the person you love. Love sometimes means letting the person you love go.

Jiyong inhaled the scent of Dara and smiled faintly. “I am letting you go…”

***

Dara watched at her phone that keeps on vibrating. She’s already sleeping and it’s already 11PM. She rubs her eyes and saw the called. “Donghae?” she silently muttered.

It’s been days since she last talked to Dongahe. She broke his heart but why is he calling her right now? Yes, she’s an idiot for accepting Donghaes’ offer but she’s happy she did. If she didn’t do it, will she be happy? Will she feel the happiness and contentment? The security and somersault feeling?

“H-hello?”

Donghae didn’t speak. He just listens to Daras’ voice as she keeps on saying ‘hello’. He misses her voice, her laughter. It’s like a torture. Since the day she said that she’ll end up everything that binds him to her is like killing him inside. He may not plaster any emotion but deep inside of him, he’s wounded.

Dara, on the other hand, is fighting herself from crying. Did she really cause this to him? To Jiyong? Did she really hurt them? “Hello?”

“I miss you…” Donghae muttered, with hoarse voice. “I miss you, my Dara.”

Dara silently cried upon hearing them from Donghae. It hurts her more, this time. The pain is three times compared to the pain she felt when she knew that Jiyong cheated on her. The mere fact that they’re one call away is killing her.

“I-I am here.”

“W-where?”

“Outside.”

Daras’ eyes widened upon hearing it from Donghae. She immediately stands up and went to her door, and saw Donghae, standing on her doorsteps with the cell-phone on his ears and a sunflower on his free hand.

“W-what are you doing here, Donghae?” Dara muttered. She cannot deny the fact that she’s crying right now in front of Donghae.

“I love you…”

Dara shook her head and turn her back on him when she felt Donghaes’ arms wrapped on her waist. Her phone was now dropped on the carpeted floor of her dorm. “D-donghae…”

“I love You Dara, please, just please accept me in your life. Don’t… don’t let me go that easily because I-I can’t do it… I can’t.”

Dara felt the warm lips of Donghae on her shoulders. His arms on her waist were holding her tightly, as if not letting her go. Dara fights with herself but she knew it better. She turn around and wrapped Donghae in her arms.

“I-I’m sorry…”

And she gave Donghae a kiss that he would remember. She’s not giving any damn if the mosquitos from the outside will get in on her dorm or if the wind that is blowing is cold. All she care and think as of the moment is the fact that Donfhae is now in-front of her and the kiss they’re sharing.