Donghae left out a heavy sigh. He was standing outside Daras’ dorm and even saw that Jiyong came. He just want to see Dara, know if she already eaten or studying. He wanted so bad to talk to her, convince her that he’s okay with him being the stand-by boyfriend, the secret boyfriend. But he knew her so well. She doesn’t want to be unfair.

He sighs again. It was his… I-don’t-know number of sigh. He was about to leave when he felt someone standing behind him.

“Donghae…” Kiko called.

Donghae faked a smile. “Hey…”

“Can we… talk?” Kiko said. She badly needs someone to talk to. And the first person who came across her mind is Donghae.

“Sure…” Donghae said.

They silently walk towards the swing part of the university vicinity. It was peaceful and no one was there. Kiko sat down on the bench part of the park and waited for Donghae to do the same. Donghae sat besides her, waiting for her to talk. Kiko isn’t the type of person whose silent- she loves talking even if sometimes it’s quite annoying already. Kiko changed in many ways.

“It’s about our situation Donghae…” Kiko started.

Donghae suppress a smile. Of all people, Kiko is the only one who can understand their situation because they’re on the same page- loving a person who cannot love you back. “Why all of sudden we’re talking about this Kiko?”

“Because I want you to fight for her, Donghae. Please, fight for Dara.”

Donghae looked at Kiko. He can saw in her plea in her eyes and he hated seeing it. Her eyes were swollen already, indicating that she just cried awhile ago. How could Jiyong hurt Kiko that way? But he smiled upon that thought. It immediately backfired to him. How could Dara hurt him this way?

“Kiko, look, we’re not fishing for someones’ love because—“

“I don’t care! I am desperate when it comes to Donghae! I am desperate when it comes to Jiyong!” Kiko suddenly outburst. She felt like her whole body betrayed her because she found herself sobbing in-front of Donghae. “I never begged like this Donghae… never did I ever imagine I begged for someones’ love.”

Donghae has no more things to say. He can feel her because just like Kiko, he never imagines begging for someones’ love. He’s used to have everything- provided by his parents- and this whoile concept of him falling for Dara is really new to him. He begged, he cried, he even betrayed his best-friend just for this so-called concept about love. He changed, Dara changed him. No, Dara didn’t change me… loving someone changed me…

“Kiko…”

“Jiyong promised me Donghae. He promised to me that he will change. He promised me that he’ll change because he loves me. He told me that when we’re still in high school! Donghae, he told me he will change… he will change… Donghae…” Kiko said while crying.

Donghae went closer to her and hugs her tightly. Kiko is a smart girl but what he’s hearing right now is a very pathetic and stupid version of Kiko. She was still crying her heart out. All she just wants is to have Jiyong, that’s all.

“Kiko, we’re too young for this thing. How old are we? Merely 23?” Donghae said. “What you felt towards him will eventually… change. You will find a guy who deserves you.”

 Kiko shook her head in disapproval. Thinking of loving someone isn’t helping. “I only love Jiyong…”

“But he’s giving you too much heartache!” Donghae howled. “That best-friend of mine is an . You proved that when we’re still high school!”

“But I love him!” Kiko hissed. “I really love him Donghae and I cannot live without him…”

“He’s not the air you breathe, Kiko. Just… ing move-on.” Donghae said.

He wanted to slap himself for being hypocrite. Here he was, advising Kiko to move-on because she’ll get nothing if she’ll stay in-love with Jiyong. But he himself, cannot apply those advises he gave to himself. He should move-on too! But heck, moving on is like ripping a bone on his own ribs.

“Tell that to the marines, Donghae.” Kiko mocked at him. “If I’ll move-on, you have to move-on too.”

Donghae shook his head and smiled. He’s in-love with Dara and loving Dara is like having a suicide. It surprises him with the unusual emotions. That any minute, booom panes! His emotions will suddenly explode.

“You know what; we should plan out how to snatch our loved ones with each other.”  Kiko suddenly said. Her emotions already subsided. “You want Dara and I want Jiyong.”

Donghae shook his head. “Stop it Kiko.” He said. “I can do things on my own.”

Kiko smiled. “You’re ready to start a war Donghae? Are you ready to cut the rope between you and Jiyong?”

“The moment I accepted the fact that I was in-love with her girlfriend is the same moment I cut our ties Kiko.”

Kiko smirked. She still cannot believe that she’s having a conversation like this with Donghae. “Is Dara already in-love with you?”

Donghae smiled at the thought. “Yes… I can feel it.”

“You feel it? Did she already told you?”

“Not yet but—“

“Sad to say but Donghae, before you assume have first the basis of those actions.” Kiko said while smirking. She even saw that Donghae was a bit stunned. “Just like what you told me few weeks ago, huh.”

“How sure you are that Jiyong is the one? That you cannot live without him? We’re just 23 Kiko, too young for this concept. Love… is so huge.” Donghae said. “I love Dara and I want to love her ‘till the end—“

“Then you don’t love her enough.” Kiko said. “Donghae, if you love someone, you have to take the risk. Whether you’re just 16 or 38 years old, when you love, you just love. No more thinking of the age, the circumstances, the weather.”

Donghae looked at Kiko. “You changed…”

Kiko just smile. “Yes. Love can really change a person.”

“But the person you love doesn’t change…” Donghae joked. Kiko just smiled. “So…”

“I want to help you Donghae.”

“Why?”

“Because Dara is the only thing that binds us: Jiyong loves her, you love her and she’s the reason why Jiyong can’t love me, can’t see me.” Kiko said, “If you’ll have her, everything will fall into right places.”

“I love her but it doesn’t mean that I’ll force her.” Donghae said.

“So you won’t tell her that you love her? You won’t convince her? You won’t beg?”

Donghae shook his head. “Convincing is far way from begging.”

“So you’ll beg then?”

“I do not know but all I know is that I’ll fight for her.”

Kiko smiled then stares at Donghae. “We’re on the same page! Why can’t we fall with each other then? The person we love just keep on hurting us, keep us for granted!”

Donghae just smiled at Kiko. “We cannot teach ourselves to fall for each other Kiks, not unless we decided to have suicide.”

“Ahh, what love did to us? Eh?”

Donghae just smiled. Love made him stronger… or just so he thought because love turned him into a person he’s not: the person who begs and betray friends. “Yeah, what love did to us?”

***

Dara is looking at Jiyong intently. She can see how his mouth wide open and his abnormal breathing. The way Jiyongs’ eyes stares at her is different. It is full of desire… lust. She wanted to see the love in his eyes but she cannot- and she doesn’t know why.

“A-are you serious, Dara?” Jiyong asked. He knew that Dara loves him, he can feel it. And he’s scared of that thought. He knew that after this, everything will change. “You know, this thing can wait. W-we… I love you, okay? And doing this… this whole thing isn’t the right time.”

A part of her was hurt. He’s rejecting her. But she just let it slip away. He still cares for me… and respects me. She thought. If a guy is rejecting a girls offer, it only means he respect her. “But I want to.” She answered. She stares at Jiyong, her Jiyong, and she’s sure that she’s ready for this. She has been thinking of this idea awhile ago and she will do it with him.

“Are you really sure, Dara? Because if we started this… there’s no turning back.” Jiyong said in a hoarse voice.

Dara closes her eyes. This is the only way… to save everything. She will give it to Jiyong because she knew he deserve this. Despite of his jerk-acts and he’s still her love of her life. He’s her first love… and forever will be. “I’m ready.”

Jiyong closes his eyes and went closer to Dara. Her room is dark and Dara prefer it. Doing it, especially that it is her first time, is really embarrassing. She looked at Jiyong and Jiyong do the same. She cannot read what is on his mind but she knew that he’s ready to do this to her.

She’s now sitting on her bed, looking at Jiyong. She’s still wearing the same clothes she wore in her school. She’s keep on saying to herself that she’s doing this because she wanted peace of mind, she wanted to make sure for her feelings towards Jiyong, she keep on saying to herself that she’s doing this for the sake of their relationship- to save it and to erase her guilt. She’s lying, she’s cheating. She’s like Kiko and Jiyong- and she hated it.

But a part of her wanted to back-out: if she’ll do it, what happens next? If she proves to herself that she still loves Jiyong or her love for Jiyong is greater than her love for Donghae, what will happen? Will she ever forgive Jiyong and Kiko? Will she be happy? Will she not regret what she’ll do? But she cannot back-out; she just can’t especially now that her desire for Jiyong is building up.

“Are you sure we’re doing this, Dara?” Jiyong asked in a sensual tone, making her more nervous. She’s scared, she’ll admit it, but she will do it. She will.

Jiyong sat beside her, puts his hand over her shoulder. He was staring at her as if she was the most beautiful girl in the world. He cupped her face, making her close her eyes. The emotions were new to her and she felt hot. Jiyong pull her closer to himself, slowly kissing her lips. Dara was shocked upon Jiyongs’ way of kissing her. At first it was pure gentle but then again, it becomes aggressive, wanting and hot. His hands around her body make her feel good. The way his hands caresses her is making her emotions that isn’t usual to her system.

“Jiyong…” Dara called. Jiyong looked at Dara- caressed her hair and smirked.

“It’s GD, Dara.”

Dara looked at him for a moment. She thinks that this guy… is not her Jiyong. The way he stares at her, touch her hair and kisses her is very different. She even thinks that the guy who’s kissing her is the Jiyong that plays around. He even called himself GD…

Jiyong kissed Daras’ lips, tasting it, savoring it like it’s the sweetest candy. He’s it, harshly, that he doesn’t give a damn if her lips got swollen. A part of him wanted to be gentle because she’s his girlfriend, but a big part of him wanted to take Dara- now. Dara was a bit shaken to Jiyongs’ way of kissing her. It’s different. She cannot feel the gentleness, the care; she wanted and expected that he’ll do towards her. But she chooses to just don’t mind it.

She answered his kisses, the same way and same intense. His warm hands were traveling in her body, exploring and wanting. He takes off her shirt, her pants, leaving her only with her undergarments and she has no idea when did it happen.  She’s almost - almost because her undergarments were still intact in her body. He stares at her with desire and lust and she can’t help it but her heart clenched. This is not the thing she is expecting. He holds her hand and places them in front of his pants. Her eyes widened.

“Undress me.” Jiyong ordered.

“W-what?” Dara asked nervously. This is not Jiyong!

“Do I have to repeat myself, Dara? Undress me, now!”

With shaking hands, she pull Jiyongs’ zipper down. She has no idea about it. She takes off his shirt, giving him quizzical look. Now that Jiyong is barely , he smirked, making Dara nervous again. He’s like a monster with an angelic face! This is not Jiyong! She should stop this!

Jiyong made her lie on the bed and smirked. “I will make this night unforgettable for you, Dara.”

“J-jiyong…”

Jiyong kissed her again, unclasped her bra, making her . His palms were all over her (OMFG! Dara is flat chested!) and started kneading it. His lips were still on her lips, making her feel the things she never thought existed. His lips went down to her neck, down again to the sides of her , down to her abdomen. He the mid part of her abdomen, teasing her , up to her cleavage to her hardened mounds. Dara was biting her lip, trying to suppress her moans.

He her left , teasing them. Oh God, could he just stop doing it? It’s killing me! Dara thought. Her moans couldn’t be contained anymore. He was using his mouth, his tongue and his finger on her and she has no idea how to suppress the moan escaping in delight.

Jiyong stopped, kissed her lips again and smirked. “I’m going to put it in, babe.” He hoarsely said, making her looked at him. “I’ll be gentle. Wrap your legs around me.”

Dara slowly nod and do what he said. She wrapped her legs around him and that was when she felt him entered her being. She gasped, clenched her fist, with her eyes wide open. She felt like there’s something that was broken inside of her.

“I-it hurts, Ji.” She mumbled. He just bent down, her alternately and started to move.

“It’s GD.” He hoarsely said. After awhile the pain was gone and continued moving, making her pant. was partly open and gasping for air because she thinks that she’s lacking of it. She could feel every inch of him inside of her, filling her, stretching her, making her feel hot.

“J-jiyong…” she moans.

“It’s GD.” He corrected her. His phase changed, it slowly becomes faster. His lips were against her, his tongue on her tongue, taunting it, making sure that the pleasure she feels will be doubled. She suddenly felt that something inside of her exploded- she could even think that she saw a rainbow and fireworks.

“Damn it, I’m coming baby.” Jiyong hissed. He moves in and out, faster than the usual, faster and faster and she felt something warm inside of her. “…”

 Jiyong moved away after that. He almost forgot that he’s ing Dara. He left out a heavy sigh. He must cuddle her because he loves her but he can’t. What he did isn’t right because she’s a ! She must be taken care of! He knew that it wasn’t love making because he think that he’s doing it with some random ! Damn it! I know I hurt her! He thought. He looked at Dara who’s looking away from him. He knew that what he did is not good, definitely not, but he can’t change what happened awhile ago.

“W-why it’s GD?” she said, merely a whisper. “Y-you are Jiyong, right? You are the person I-I love.”

“I-It’s GD because… I’m a monster. I-I’m like a dragon…” he mumbled. He should embrace her; comfort her, because he was too harsh awhile ago. “Look, I-I’m sorry if I hurt you. I-I was… sorry, Dara.”

“Why? Why monster? Why dragon? Tell me, why GD?”

“I-I other girls… and I want them to call me GD and not Jiyong… GD and Jiyong is different, totally different.”

“Y-you thought that I was a… a random ?” she heard Jiyong sighed, confirming that that was on his mind. “You didn’t make love to me Ji, you just ed me.”

“I-I’m sorry… I’m sorry Dara…”

Dara just remained silent and puts the blanket to cover her. She closes her eyes as she felt the embrace of Jiyong on her waist, and even planted tiny kisses on her shoulder. Tear are falling freely from her eyes, down to her cheeks.

Why he’s like that? He should be gentle because it was her first time! But he didn’t! He didn’t because all he wants to do is to her! He’s ing her like she’s a random ! Heck, she’s his girlfriend for gods’ sake!  She expected a lot: like he’ll be gentle, like they will cuddle, like he will treat her like she’s the most important gem in the world. Why Jiyong? Why?

She silently cried. Other people might think that she doesn’t give a damn about her ity. She values her ity- a lot. No one should question it. But she just did it to cover up everything: the guilt for cheating, the guilt of falling for someone and the guilt that she’s acting like she’s the one being treated badly when in fact, she knew it all along. She did it to make her realize that she should choose Jiyong- that it was Jiyong all along! She just cried when a realization came to her mind, making her regret her decision.

She’s not anymore in-love with Jiyong…

But it was too late. She lost her ity… her everything.