Jiyong was totally shocked upon seeing Dara and Donghae walked away. Hand in hand. Away from them. Away from this café. Away from him. His jaw tensed upon realizing how son of a his best-friend was. Betrayal. He felt betrayed. Of all people, why Donghae? Why them? He can’t help it but asked.

“Jiyong…” Kiko hold Jiyongs’ arm. She wanted to comfort him. But, how? How can she show that she really cares, when deep inside of her, she wanted to cry with too much happiness? She’s very happy that Dara let go of Jiyong! Her Jiyong. She wanted to fake everything but she just can’t.

Jiyong darted his gaze at Kikos’ hands, holding his arm. He yanks his arms, making Kiko loose her grip on his arm. “What?!” he asked, irritable. He wanted to go back to his dorm, wait for Donghae and punch his face. Damn it! Damn him! His best-friend, his brother, betrayed him.

Kiko stepped back and smiled weakly. She’s used to being taken for granted, but what’s happening right now, isn’t bearable anymore. She’s happy, indeed. But, why? Why is Jiyong being like this?  “We… we need to go.” She didn’t ask if he’s okay because definitely, he’s not.

Jiyong cursed. He wanted to punch the wall, the table, everything in this café. He’s still at awe. He wanted to laugh. To curse. What the hell?! “Damn it.”

Jiyong walked out of the café, forgetting that he’s with Kiko. As soon as he went out, he kicked the potted plant near him, didn’t thought that it’s a private property. “Damn it!” he cursed again. The anger he felt is occupying his senses. “Why the hell did you do this to me, Dara?”

He wanted to cry, so much, badly. He wanted to curse every human creature he sees. He wanted to… Damn it!

Kiko was left there, dumbfounded; as she watches the guy she loves gone mad. She was taken aback and her unshed tears were about to fall. She closes her eyes and forcing herself not to cry. Inhale, exhale. She did those things to calm herself, her system. This is the time she waited for so long- the time that Dara will let go of Jiyong. She must be happy. Damn, she is happy! She can be with Jiyong, she can be with the guy she loves. Now the question is, will Jiyong love her back?

“Jiyong!” Kiko called as soon as she went out of the café. She’s following him and seeing him like this hurt her. A lot. Why can’t you see me? She wanted to ask but she’s afraid that Jiyong will slap right here, right now, the real answer to her question. She’s not dumb, she knew the answer to her question.

“Stay away from me, Kiko.” Jiyong hissed.

“But Ji—“

“I said stay away from me!” Jiyong shouted. In the middle of the street. People stopped walking. Kiko stopped in her mid-sentence. Everything about her stopped. Her whole world suddenly stopped. The unshed tears she kept were now falling freely from her eyes. It hurts, really hurts.

“Jiyong…”

“Can’t you see? Dara and I just broke up! Damn it!” Jiyong said towards her, angrily. “! !”

“B-but…”

“Stay away from me!” Jiyong shouted at Kiko. He looked at Kiko in the eyes. “Stay away from me.”

Kiko watched as Jiyong walked away. He rode a bus, heading back to their dorm, while she was left there. Stunned. Stoned. Her heart is clenching as she saw how Jiyong cared for Dara. How about me? When will you see me?

***

Dara and Donghae silently sat in the middle part of the bus heading to their dorm. The silence that filled them weren’t awkward. It was calming and at some point, the silence filled made the both of them think. Both of them didn’t utter a single word; Dara sat near the window while Donghae was just looking at Dara.

Donghae wanted to ask Dara a lot of things. Why did she do that? Why did she tell Jiyong at this  point in time? A lot of questions that he doesn’t know if it will be answered. He wanted to hold her hand but Dara seems distant. And it made him think, why did she really do that?

“It’s rude to stare, Donghae.” Dara said, after a long silence.

Donghae didn’t give a damn to answer. She called him Donghae… and it confuses him. What they did is a ‘go’ signal that their ‘relationship’ will be revealed to everybody any time soon. But upon hearing Dara calling him just Donghae confuses him. Big time. He’s supposed to hear her calling him ‘boyfriend’ since he’s really her boyfriend; he’s supposed to feel her warm hands holding his like she’s not letting him go; and he’s supposed to be happy.

What’s on your mind, Dara? He wanted to ask. But if he’ll do, will she answer it? Will she tell him the truth? Donghae reached for Daras’ hands and gently, squeezes them. Assuring her that everything’s’ gonna be alright. Or just he thought. He wanted to talk to her, ask her but he knew that women were created weirdly. The more he ask for answers, the more Dara won’t tell him.

“Are we really heading home?” Dara asked. Funny, she calls that place as home. The last time she checked, her home is Jiyong. But things change, people change. She even changed even if she wanted her best not to. She change… and she has no idea if it was for the better.

“Do you want to go home?” Donghae asked. He left out a sigh and hold Daras’ hands tightly. Even if they’re very close to each other, it seems like Dara is very far. “We… we need to talk Dara.”

Dara looked away but didn’t remove her hands that Donghae is holding right now. She wanted to escape this part but she just can’t. If escaping only prolongs the agony and suffering- why would she continue to escape? “We really need to talk…”

Donghaes’ hold to Daras’ hands tightened. His heart is racing fast and it made him uneasy. Confuse. Nervous. ! He cursed. He’s nervous as hell- the very first time he ever experienced it. He felt like his world is about to crash- about to crash. Will she tell me everything? What happened three days ago? Or will she tell me the things that would make my whole world crash?

They went to a familiar playground Dara used to play along with Jiyong when they’re still kids. It was…a random decision. She felt a pang of pain- Oh well, that’s inevitable. I loved Jiyong, so much that it still hurts. She continued walking, reminiscing the past. The sad thing is, she’s not holding the same warm hands. Jiyongs’ hands were big and well fitted with hers; just like the hands who’s holding hers too. It felt comforting… and safe. Donghaes’ hands were like giving her an assurance that everything will be okay. It made her heart stable.

“Now…” Donghae said, after clearing his throat.

They’re now standing beside the swing- not even blinking. Dara looked at Donghae straight to his eyes. She shook her head and smiled, sadly, it didn’t reach to her eyes. She can fake a smile but she knew she can’t fake a smile for Donghae. “I-I’m sorry…”

Donghae was shaken with those two words. He’s been thinking, she’s sorry for what? Sorry that she used him? Sorry that she didn’t tell him about the plan? Or… she’s sorry because everything has to end by now? “W-what do you mean?”

Dara shook her head, suppressing the sob that was about to be let out. “I-I’m sorry…”

Donghaes’ heart clenches and it made him difficult to breath. The very first time he ever felt this. This is… ! He looked at Dara and waited for her to say that it’s just a joke but he can’t see any signs of joking. Dara was serious. “W-why? And… what are you sorry for?”

“I-I’m sorry for everything.” Dara said while crying. Ever since she came back in Korea, she keeps on crying. How ironic, she told herself that she’s going back to Korea to be happy and looks like she’s not on the right track. “For giving you a hard time, for… for ruining your life by now. If… If I didn’t came back—“

“Shhh. You don’t have to say anything, okay?” Donghae said as he cups Daras’ face. He gave her a heart-warming smile. He was relived knowing that she’s just sorry about those petty stuffs. Loving her requires him to sacrifice: his friendship with Jiyong and Kiko, his principles in life and most especially, his heart. “I am glad you ruined my boring life, Dara. And even if this will happen again, I’ll be glad to be ruined by you. Only by you.”

Dara just nod her head and hugged Donghae tighter. She doesn’t want to let go of Donghae… her sweet escape from pain. She’s selfish and she must admit it. But loving, somehow, made people low and selfish. She want Donghae and she just let go of Jiyong awhile ago. Three days of being away made her realize things… that she must realize few months ago. Even before she say ‘Yes’ to Donghaes’ offer.

“Promise me Dara, you’re mine.”

Dara nodded. She closes her eyes and cried silently. I’m sorry…. “I am yours, Donghae, but…”

Donghae smiled and kissed Daras’ temple. He didn’t even mind the last word she said. But… Why do situations must be accompanied with a ‘but’ in the end? He’s happy that he heard it from her- the words he wanted and badly need to hear- but, but? It only ruined everything.

I am yours, but…. Bulls!

“I’m glad to be ruined by you.” Donghae said, honestly.

He’s not the type of guy who loves to play around with girls. Yes, he loves to ‘play’ with girls but he only play. Not commit. But knowing Dara for quite long time, it all changed. From his principles down to his feelings. For quite long time, he didn’t want a companion because he’s afraid that if he’ll allow himself to be accompanied by other people, it will make him dependent. It will only hurt him. But now? Naaah, everything changed…

Dara closes her eyes. Tears were falling and she has no idea she’s sobbing. She needs to tell Donghae but, how? How can she tell him if telling him means hurting him? Donghae has been good to her since the day she met him. He deserves to be happy. She wanted to be the one to be with Dongahe, but… “You know, this is the place Jiyong and I first met.”

Donghae didn’t speak a single word. He just listens to her. He’s not mad or hurt because Dara is talking about their past with Jiyong; he’s just listening to her. “He used to be the one holding my hand, making me smile. But look what happened to us. We… we broke up.”

Donghae hold Daras’ hands and smiled at her. He felt a pang of pain, but it’s just normal. Hurting is just normal as long as Dara is happy. He doesn’t mind if Dara is the one who’ll cause all the pain in him. He doesn’t mind at all. Because he knew, pain and love were twins. ‘Pain demands to be felt…’ He will forever remember that quote from a movie that Dara and him watched.

“You really love him.”

Daras’ voice cracked as she spoke again. She didn’t even give a damn on crying in-front of her boyfriend and talking about her ex-boyfriend. She’s just… damn! She just wants something normal. Normal love-life. Things for her is… different. “I really love him, Donghae.”

Donghae smiled. Fake. Defeated. How can I beat you, Jiyong? He asked himself. I wont question ‘First love never dies…’ “Tell me, do you still love him?” He wanted to know, even if he already knew the answer. He’s not dumb, he can read hidden messages. Body language. Dara still love Jiyong.

“I’m sorry…”

Donghae hugged Dara, tightly, as if not letting her go. Two words… with lots of meaning. “What are you sorry for?” he bravely ask.

“For lying… for using you… for everything.” Dara said as she looked down. “If I didn’t come, life would be easier. Kiko is right all along, I am the root cause of these.”

Donghae sighed. “Do you… do you love me? Naah, let me rephrase that. Did you love me?”

Dara nodded. He loves Donghae. He loves Jiyong. And everything is ed-up! Who says loving two people is fun? Who says cheating is fun? “I-I don’t know why am I feeling this way. I’m sorry… I-I tried my best to choose, I want to choose, Donghae. And I choose you… but I don’t know! I really don’t know Donghae. I’m confused… and ed-up.”

“Then why did you tell him this soon? Tell him the truth in front of us?” Donghae asked. His voice cracked. I’m tough. Real men don’t cry! I’m a tough cookie! He keeps on chanting on his head. “Why did you choose me over Jiyong? Why did you love me and him at the same time Dara? Why?”

“I just want to straight things up Donghae. Building a relationship with you is… fine. But in Jiyongs’ back?” Dara said. She shook her head and smiled. “Even if Jiyong hurted me, he deserves to be treated fairly.”

“Fairly? Did he even treat you fairly? He’s been cheating for quite long, Dara! Come on!” Donghae hissed. He’s frustrated and all and he’s not even aware that he’s scaring Dara.

“I’m sorry…”

“Why… why did you love me?”

“You know the answer Donghae. I love you without a reason.” Dara said in a calm tone. “Don’t question my love for you, please, I just… I just want top fix everything before starting over again.” Dara said, pleading that Donghae will understand.

“If you love me, then why are you doing this?” Donghae said, with pain in his tone of voice. “You and Jiyong were already through and we can be together. Come on, stop saying you’re sorry of something that—“

“You… you deserve someone better.”

Donghae shook his head and smiled. This is….madness!  “You are way better than anyone else, Dara, trust me.”

Dara shook her head. “No…”

“Dara, come on.”

Dara looked at Donghae, straight to his eyes and tell him the words that she didn’t imagine she’ll tell him. This soon. She told herself that at the end of the day, he’ll choose Donghae. Yes, she’ll choose Donghae. At the end of the day, she’ll choose Donghae. But… not now. “I’m breaking up with you.”

TEASER:

“You love him, but you’re not in-love with him. Those two ideas were similar yet different at the same time.”