26. WE ARE ONE

We talked in whispers as we heard JiYeol clean up the kitchen and then discuss about their future living arrangements. Ji was trying to convince Beagle that Seoul was where she really wanted to be despite her previous teary episode in Puppy’s lap. We eavesdropped shamelessly whenever we could hear them. Puppy wanted to read my day’s writing but I thought it better to wait till we could close our door.

We called and spoke with imo and Heechul. Kai was behaving himself and imo was glad to know Ji was doing well. None of us talked about Chan Yeol, not wanting to disturb imo. I crossed my fingers at the end of the call and fervently wished for a happy ending for the young couple in our charge. Puppy softly kissed me and added his own wishes to mine.

When all was quiet outside, Puppy went to check on JiYeol and locked our door on his return. He lay down and grabbed the laptop, putting it on top of his abdomen. He wrapped an arm around me and tucked me into his side before opening the document.

I put my hand over the screen and pecked his lip, “Jagi remember I love only you.”

“I know yeobo. I love you too. Now be a good boy and let me read.” He gently removed my hand, kissed my palm and put it over his heart.

Puppy pulled me closer to him as he read about my broken family and the pain it brought to my teen heart. I kissed his chest and let him continue without a comment.

After a few moments he pinched my , “Ice Prince? You are so warm and loving. How can anyone ever think otherwise? Were they blind?”

I kissed his neck, “Calm down jagi. They were young and didn’t see me the way you do.”

He huffed in annoyance and read further only to stop once again when he came to my clumsiness. “Is this true? I don’t find you clumsy at all.”

“Jagi, I was really clumsy since my childhood. I learnt to be careful when Kai was born. I was so scared of hurting him. Tae didn’t want me to even hold him, afraid that I would drop the newborn. I was very very careful when I held Kai and that sort of became a habit and cured my clumsiness.”

“Want me to whack your brother for even considering keeping Kai away from you?”

“Leave it Jagi. Wouldn’t you have been the same with Byong’s safety?” I rubbed over my Puppy’s heart to soothe his upset dragon.

He kissed my hair and moved on, only to exclaim again after few more moments, “You are a real evil Tokki. I almost pity the bastard. You are going to screw his happiness with your devilish tea.”

I nipped his chest in answer, “Read on Jagi. You are yapping too much tonight.”

He pinched my again and did as instructed. I felt the tension in his body as he read about my first kiss. After he read the last words describing the kiss, he silently shut the laptop and put it on the bedside table without moving away from me. Then he wrapped his other arm also around me and pulled me closer till I was half draped over him.

“This is what made you remember our first kiss?” His voice held a hint of smile.

“Hmm. You kissed me so sweetly. I remember thinking that we shared the purest kiss in the world jagi.” I mumbled and kissed his neck.

“Yeobo do you ever compare me to Minho?” Puppy sounded curious.

I lifted my face from his neck and looked at him. He smiled and raised his brows to silently repeat his question.

I looked him in the eye as I told him the truth, “I did a lot initially. And every time you won hands down. Finally, I came to the conclusion that any comparison is futile. You are the best man for me. Best father for our children. You are just perfect. And you only get better with time.”

“There must be at least one thing you don’t like about me.” Puppy was not satisfied with my explanation.

I gave it a serious thought before shaking my head, “Nothing comes to my mind.”

“No one is that perfect, yeobo.”

“How do I explain it jagi. You may have your faults for others. For me, you are perfect. You love me. You love our family. We are always your priority. You keep us safe. Your world revolves around us.” I stopped as I tried to express my feeling lucidly. “I can only say that you are my world. You are more important to me than even our children. You are my everything. I am nothing without you. Even an eternity won’t be enough for me to show you how much I love you.”

Puppy nodded. I kissed him and pulled him on top of me. “Should I stop writing jagi? I don’t want you to begin comparing yourself with Minho and develop unnecessary doubts and securities.”

He gently kissed my lips and settled on my body that moulded to accommodate him. I wrapped my legs around his calves and he laced our fingers together. “Yeobo I have no doubts about your love for me. Even when I proposed to you, I knew you loved me as much as I loved you. You didn’t have to tell me anything. I could see it in your eyes every time you looked at me. Just the way you are looking at me now.”

I kissed his forehead as I explained, “Are you feeling bad or jealous reading about my good beginning with Minho? I had many good years with Minho. But I don’t know how many of them were actually true and when I was being lied to. After marriage, the lying was not just on Minho’s side. I lied to myself constantly to be able to continue living with him happily. Those lies saved my sanity and made my life bearable.”

“Yeobo I understand. You love me so much. It’s not possible that you could have been with Minho without loving him at least half as much. I know you put your heart and soul into everything you do. And you’d have loved Minho with the same single-minded devotion. I just want to be sure that I don’t disappoint you in anything like Minho did. I want you to be proud of your love for me. Will you honestly tell me when you find me lacking in fulfilling your expectations?” Puppy gave soft kisses all over my face.

I basked in his love, “You are more than my expectations. You like me for who I am. You wanted me because you loved me for the person I was. It was love, pure and simple. Just you and I, and Minx of course. But with Minho, it was complicated. He loved me in his own way. There was always the niggling feeling of being a trophy. I never let those doubts surface initially, but they were there in my subconscious all the time. It wasn’t just me and Minho. There was also his competitive spirit. I was never sure if he wasn’t with me because I was the Ice Prince. Maybe he convinced himself that he loved me, when in fact it was more of being in love with his victory over everyone else in college. I was the unattainable and he hooked me.”

I looked into Puppy’s eyes as he listened carefully to my every word. I pecked his lips and continued, “Don’t belittle yourself by comparing yourself to Minho. There is no comparison at all. You are by far the better man. The better lover. The better husband. The better father. You are a better son to my elders and better brother-in-law to my brothers and sisters. Where Minho broke me apart from my family, you healed the broken relations and brought me close to my family once more. You surrounded me with loving and loyal friends. You, my love, have enriched my life beyond any comparison.”

Puppy blushed at my words and shook his head, “No yeobo I am nothing like that. Only you see me this way. I am me, that’s all. I just love you. Rest of the things happen on their own.”

“Jagi, they don’t just happen, it’s because you give them the opportunity to occur. Where Minho cut my personality short so he could shine and look successful, you gave me wings to fly high. You push me to achieve greater heights and take pride in my success. You are not jealous of me. You are one with me. We are two bodies, but one mind, one heart, one soul, one destiny. There is no ‘You’ or ‘I’ in our love, but a ‘We’. We are one my love.” I tried to explain how he made me feel.

“We’ll always be one.” Puppy kissed my eyes.

He proceeded to love my body slowly and gently. His every touch underlined his love and care. The sublimity of his loving had tears falling from my eyes as we came together. He silently kissed the love that flowed from my eyes. Words seemed superfluous then. Our hearts beat as one and we kissed softly, unwilling to part. With years of practice, we shifted to lie on our sides without moving apart.

Puppy hummed a random melody in my ear and I buried my face in his hair. I fell asleep thinking it was ten years and my love was still sweetly singing me to sleep.