Can I Rely On Someone Else ?

“Sweet dreams, Park Chanyeol”

Is that word some kind of magic ? It really did make my dream became sweet. And I think, I grinned widely even though I was asleep. Also, I admitted that part of my dream was about her. That girl. BSJ. Bae Su Ji.

Ah. I mumbled her name in my dream.

My eyes quickly opened, and I stood up, half unconscious.

I move my hand and knock my head. My eyes blinked for several times.

“What am I thinking about ?”, I asked myself.

I can’t be liking her, since everyone that I loved will be hurt at the very end.

The air got me somehow depressed, and I bent my neck down, looking at my hands who can’t help me with anything right now.

I need someone, to be with me right now.

I was too lonely.

*KNOCK**KNOCK*

My focus on the TV got distracted by the knock on the white sliding door. I quickly straightened my sitting position, and waiting who was standing in front of it.

Hoping either it was her or him.

And it was…

“Park Chanyeol-ssi, I need to check your condition”

The doctor.

I placed my palm on my forehead and shook my head lightly. The doctor thought I was having a headache or something, when in reality I was upset for getting my hopes too high.

“Did you have a fever before fainting ?”, the doctor asked when I was dragged into the consultation room with the doctor.

I nodded my head lightly.

I clearly remembered the day when I fainted, and Suzy panicked. She took care of me, and the next day, I gave her my home-made chocolate and Kai’s newly bought bouquet of flowers.

Smile blooms on my face the moment I thought about her face, and my cheeks were blushing.

The doctor looked at me and smiled.

“Something good must have happened to you, am I right ?”, he said.

I nodded again. This time, it’s a strong nod.

“You are looking much more happier this time, and I can say to myself that I don’t need to be really worried about you anymore. You already have someone you can rely on, right ?”, he said.

I stopped smiling. Someone I can rely on ? That’s not true.

The only person I can rely on was only the doctor. ‘Cause neither BSJ nor Kai was my best friend. They were only… FRIENDS. And it’s different from what the doctor said.

“I haven’t”, I said with a small voice, as I sunk my head deep down, regretting what I have said and thought.

“Excuse me ?”, he asked.

“Nothing”

The doctor stopped talking, and me either. The air didn’t feel good, and the doctor was only staring at me the whole time. And I was sinking deep in my minds.

“Well”, the doctor let out a sigh, and folds his hands together, “I guess you haven’t found any, huh ?”

My head shook in agreement.

He lets out a sigh once again and looked at me seriously.

“You must trust someone. Don’t close your heart. I knew you’ll be thinking that you’ll hurt them if you trust them. But that’s not true. You’ll hurt them, and they’ll hurt you. That’s what always happens in a relationship. And, even I did and feel the same”

I understood what the doctor said, but it was too hard for me to believe and put trust in them. Since I didn’t trust my own self.

I began to sink deeper and deeper in depression.

The doctor stared at me for a moment and sighed. He relaxed his back on his black leather chair and puts his glasses on as his hand reached for a blue-colored book.

“You know, Chanyeol”, the doctor said and for some reasons he started to call me Chanyeol, “if you still didn’t have anyone to rely on, you can just come here and talk to me”

I straightened my head and locked my gaze towards him. My eyes were shining hearing his words.

“You’re my number one patient after all. And my favorite ones”, he said as his hand patted my head.

I bent my head down. Hiding my tears that are falling rapidly.

“T-Thank you”, I said.

My voice was trembling, and I cried.

For the first time in my life, I felt glad.

As tears fell down from my eyes, it erased away all my depression I had for years, and my worry that no one had felt before.

I felt relieved. Depression and worries that were once filling my mind was now all gone. And it’s because I have someone I can rely on.

Thank you, doctor.

I walked out from the doctor’s room after talking with him for some times. It was already 6 o’clock in the evening before I realized it. I quickly bid my goodbye and left.

I’m going to miss my dinner time if I keep this up.

I walk faster and do a speed-walking. The doctor told me not to run very often, in case it was emergency.

Oh right. I haven’t told you yet. I was discharged from the hospital today so… I went home. And my tummy was grumbling all the time when I was walking home.

Why ? ‘Cause I have been eating this not-so-good porridge for two days, and my tummy wanted something else. A yummier food.

I gulped down my saliva as I walked along the night street and thinking what should I have for dinner.

“I’ll be eating steak tonight, and tomorrow, I’ll have… Um… Tonkatsu ! That’s right, it’s my favorite food after all…. Hehehe…”

I looked towards the starry blue sky and smiled.

I can’t wait for tomorrow !