It’s true that no one can erase memories and even If I were able to do it, I wouldn’t erase anything which has you in it. Why should I erase the source of my happiness? But that person also makes you cry, they said. That person is the source of your pain as well, they said. But it’s me that we’re talking about. You can crawl under my skin and still can’t understand the way my brain works. I can’t love other person. I just can’t. And I’m not even sorry for it.
 
***

“Dara? Is that you?”

An old lady hastily approached the petite girl whose eyes were widened when she recognized the person.

“A .. annyeong,” she immediately stood up and bowed respectfully towards her. If it wasn’t too late, she wanted to avoid her. It would be so rude so she decided to stay.

The lady looked so happy and sad at the same time.

“How have you been Mrs. Kwon?”

She didn’t answer. She hugged her instead, chanting ‘I’m sorry’ over and over.

“Mrs. Kwon, what are you doing?” Dara creased her brows, confused.

“I’m sorry for being a heartless woman. I shouldn’t have done that to you. I should have asked you to stay. It’s never been your fault but my anger had blinded me. I’m so sorry.”

Dara knew it wasn't her fault although some people still couldn't accept it.

She held her both hands, smiling at the crying lady. She looked much older now and her skin was pale.

“Please don’t be like this Mrs. Kwon. I don’t want to discuss any of horrific events in my past,” she said bitterly.

Talking about what had happened in the past, especially those who could make her chest heavy had never been easy for Dara.

Mrs. Kwon’s eyes lit up and hugged her tightly.

“Thank you Dara,” she said gratefully.

Mrs. Kwon asked her to come over, telling that she’s lonely since Jiyong now was not living with her anymore. Dara politely refused the tempting request but Mrs. Kwon was so persistent. So, she had no choice but following her.

When she’s inside the house, she looked up at the staircase reminiscing about what happened back then. When he broke up with her.

Mrs. Kwon filled Dara in about things Jiyong had been doing after she left. He’s working so hard to get famous with his band and he told his Mom that it’s because he wanted Dara to see him on TV.

They both chuckled at Jiyong’s stupid reason.

“But it’s true that he loves you and cares about you. He almost got himself in trouble when he left YG for awhile and looked for you in US,” said Mrs. Kwon apologetically. Dara felt happy to hear that but she had come to a decision. She would leave everything in the past. “Do you want to see his room?” asked Mrs. Kwon in a bright tone, as if she was about to show a treasure.

“Why should I do that?”

Mrs. Kwon smiled mischievously as she dragged her upstairs.

“Come on you have to see how crazy my son about you,” she laughed heartily.

The moment Mrs. Kwon opened the room, Dara felt like she was entering a world in which the only person who existed was her.

“He’s your biggest fanboy.”

The room was full of her pictures. When she’s on audition smiling cutely. When she’s staring at the school field. There were also pictures when she’s talking with Bom, when she’s ducking her head, when she’s standing in front of his class with a lunch box on her hands and many more pictures attached on his once plain wall. Based on the quality of the pictures, they were taken by his cell phone camera.

One picture caught her eyes and it’s probably a special picture that Jiyong had in his room since it’s framed and perched on his desk.

It was her on her first day at school, sitting alone under the big tree. It was first time they met.

 

"Hey.. are you alone? May I sit here?"

"Ye.. yes. You may sit here." Dara scooted to the left as the boy sat down beside her.

"Thanks. I'm Kwon Jiyong. And you?"

 

All of a sudden, all the memories rushing back and she couldn’t hold her tears anymore.

“I still love him Mrs. Kwon.”

 

***

 

“Wake up you idiot, someone is here,” Seunghyun kicked the pretty boy out of the couch. He fell down on the carpeted floor, cursing as he struggling to stand up.

He’s tensed when someone appeared in front of him.

“Uhm, sorry,” she apologized.

“What are you doing here?” Jiyong creased his brows, looking at the pretty girl.

“I’ll take my leave. You two just sort out your problems,” Seunghyun grabbed his car key and left the ex couple.

“I heard she’s back and came to Bom’s concert,” she said cooly. Or act like she’s cool with it.

“And what’s that supposed to mean to you?” asked Jiyong, a bit irritated.

“Well, she’s not important to me anyway,” she shrugged.

“Yes, but she is for me,” answered Jiyong.

“Why didn’t you come to see me?” she crossed her arms on her chest.

Jiyong rubbed his head and walking towards the freeze, drank up a glass of water to cool his head before turning back to her.

“I called you right? Besides, I was kind of busy and I didn’t have time to ..”

“Even when you guys had tour in Japan?” she cut off his excuses.

Actually YG had to move her to Japan because apparently her Dad had escaped the prison before Japan police government had a chance to take him back to his origin country.

She had told Jiyong everything and asked him to visit her once awhile. He promised her but of course he couldn’t do it since Dara was also missing at that time.

She contacted Jiyong but he never answered the phone. YG staff had to lock her up in her apartment because she tried to run away and go back to Seoul.

“You should know why I allow you to enter my company Ms. Kiko Mizuhara. And I know why you are obsessed with Jiyong but don’t force me to end your career. You know that we’re talking about business here,” said YG with finality in his voice.

She could finally go back to Seoul after news on TV ,which had her Dad’s death body in it. He was found dead on a subway station with a big cut on his chest and dry blood on his gnawing scared head. Police came to conclusion that he was killed by drunken teenagers.

She’s numb watching it. She’s not mad nor sad nor angry nor happy. It’s just that she didn’t know what to feel. People sent her condolences and came to the funeral. She didn’t talk much. But when everybody left, she cried hard. She knew that no matter how sinful a person could be, when the person was ever be a good person to her, the good deeds were deserved her tears.

Continuing her career in Japan was her own choice since the bigger source of money came from that country.

Once awhile she would visit Seoul and hang out with Chaerin or Jiyong. They usually held a party on bar or luxurious restaurants or café which peasants had no chance to enter except when they were lucky. There were pictures of them together taken by dispatch and paparazzi, many journalists had tons of articles about them dating each other off public.

Looking at how desperate Jiyong was, she tried her luck by asking him to be his boyfriend. But no, he didn’t do the same mistake anymore. He would wait for his true queen. Sandara Park.

And as if it’s not enough, she made him drunk and attempt to sleep with him. Thank God Seunghyun saved him.

Since then, Jiyong would never go near her.

 “I’m sorry but … you have to move on Kiko. I don’t love you anymore. I don’t want to hurt you,” he pleaded.

“Never,” she said coldly before leaving the room.

Jiyong could only take a deep breath and let his rage calm down.

“She looks mad,” Taeyang laughed freely. He still couldn’t forgive her.

“Should we attend that show this evening? What do you call that talent show?” Jiyong creased his brows.

“Korea’s Next Superstar.”

Jiyong laughed, shaking his head.

“The name is super lame. Why on Earth YG agreed to have us both as the guest judges?”

“Maybe he’s about to change your life,” Taeyang shrugged.

 ***
  

“Oh my God Dara, why am I doing this?” Bom crying in hopelessness.

“I can’t fail this event okay. I have to do it unless I will live in despair and resentment for the rest of my life,” she said with full determination in her voice.

They were sneaking in ‘Korea’s Next Superstar’ backstage and Bom had to put this ugly wig and stupid masker to hide her identity.

“No, Dara you won’t go to that stage and humiliate yourself. Let’s get out of here!” she dragged her out but suddenly a staff called them and usher the two to the changing room.

“You guys are the rookie from FNC right? You will be performing on second segment after Jin Yuk’s performance. Got it?”

“Listen up Sir, we’re not..”

“We’re not brave enough to say no to you!” Dara cut Bom’s sentence with a grin on her face.

Dara I’m so going to kill you.

Bom had tried to call Seunghyun to help her but the boy was busy playing with his furniture.

“Dara please, do we have to do this?” Bom didn’t know how to change Dara’s crazy plan anymore.

“We? Of course? You have to make sure that no one could stop me singing on that stage,” she laughed happily.

He still has this power on you huh? You stupid woman.

Bom heaved a deep sigh and smiled at her best friend’s silliness.

“Bobby! Go to the studio now! GD and Youngbae are in!” yelled the staff to a young man wearing a blue cap with this nervous look on his face, before turning to Bom and Dara. “Okay you two d