"When death offers you the peace and happiness. Will you take it?"

"Seriously Jiyong. Why on earth you did that to her? And you chose Kiko?"

Jiyong could picture Taeyang dropped his jaw and widened his chinky eyes.

"I know I'm a jerk okay. But I never did that on purpose!" he exclaimed as he ran his palm on his face, frustrated. Too many things happened in one day and he couldn't take it all. His energy was out and he felt miserable. "I want to apologize but ..." he was hopeless.

Taeyang heaved a sigh.

"Let's talk about this after the rehearshal tomorrow morning. Anyway..." he paused, "Tomorrow is the big day."

Jiyong snapped his brows together and pressed his lips into a thin line.

"Okay. I'm sorry."

"It's okay buddy."

Jiyong hang up the phone as he tossed his body on the bed. He held up his phone and tried to dial Dara's number again but as he had expected, the phone was off.

'Is it too late? Just don't hate me Dara. Anything but hate.' He ran his fingers through his hair. 'How could she be there, wearing that costume and .. and who's that boy? What if she likes him and ...'

"Aish, I'm officially insane," he mumbled, realizing how little he knew about the girl.

Both of them were doing the same thing. Staring at the dark ceiling, unable to close their eyes. Allowing themselves to get tortured by their own mind. Thinking about too many what if-s and if only-s. Creating their own story plot of life hoping God would consider it and make it happen. Life was sometimes more miserable when the night comes for those lonely souls. Especially when they start thinking too much about unfortunate things happened to them.

"Don't you think that this world is too big and wonderful for you to focusing your mind only to the miserable one?"

Jaejoong's words when they were talking on the way to a bus stop this evening lingered on Dara's mind, making her smiled bitterly.

'If only you knew Jaejoong-ssi.' she thought as she stared at her cellphone -which was turned off purposely- lying beside her.

That's what she's trying to find. That so called wonderful world. She always thought that Jiyong would give her that world in which laughter replacing the cry, love replacing the hatred, happiness replacing the sadness, bliss replacing the sorrow. But she knew better now. Jiyong was probably not her happiness. After the sickening event at the amusement park, she had cut it off, the feeling for him. Although it took all of her self control to not pick up the phone when he called. Her finger was so close to touch the answer button and let him say his sorry and she would even consider to forgive him again and they were going to be friend until she died for the undying love for him when he enjoyed his time with his lover. But she was hurt beyond words and it's not only about Jiyong anymore. Misery was her life and it's, painfully, the biggest part of it she couldn't handle. It's inevitable to get rid of it. The messed up life.

"So what? Do I look like I care or something? This is my house and you don't have any right to bring some random guy here!" his Dad's voice blaring, filling the house, such a noise that strangely, she had been missing. A sign that they were home. That she wasn't alone.

"Seriously, divorce me then Park Yoon Joon. We're too old for this."

There was a silence for a moment. Usually her Dad would immediately decline the divorce but now ...

"Fine! Take Dara with you!"

Dara couldn't help but bitting her lower lip, trembling as a muffled sob escaped . She didn't close her eyes as tears rolling down, soaking her pillow. Finally, her Dad fulfilled her Mom's wish. She should be happy for her Mom. But damn, it struck like a lighting and burned her chest. Her Dad never wanted her. She had known it but she always kept that little hope that someday he would see her. Really see her.

"What? You can't do that Yoon Joon!" she exclaimed, grabbing his arm harshly. "You take her!"

And her Mom ....

"Then you can kiss your divorce file goodbye," he smirked. Eunji balled her fists as she glared at the man darkly. "Tomorrow, after lunch bring your lawyer to my office and let's finish our business."

He stepped out of the house and drove his car to whatever place he wanted.

'What am I? It's this even real?' Dara shut her eyes tightly as she gripped the bed sheet. It's torturing. It's .... too much.

'Wonderful life. No tears. No pain. Only happiness. If I died, would I find my peace? Grandma. Why didn't you take me with you? Should I go to your place instead?'

Dara had no idea how long she kept staring at the dark ceiling. Her mind was empty as if her soul had been lifted awhile ago. Shifting off her gaze from the silent object, she glanced at the alarm clock.

'3 a.m'

She sat up, grabbing her old plushy Tam - Tam with her and walked out of her room. Walking downstairs, she touched the railing as she hummed the lullaby her grandma used to singing before she went to sleep. She felt like she was starting to lose her mind.

The floor felt so cold to her feet but her heart was even much colder than that cold marbles tile. Stepping on the bottom stair she glanced at the living room, looking at her Mom, wasted with bottles of alcohol scattered around her, eyes closed and her breath was even as she lied on the couch. She approached her, studying her Mom's face, her beautiful Mom. Extending her hand slowly, she touched her cheek, feeling how smooth her skin was.

"I'm sorry Mom. If I could choose, I wouldn't be here and make you suffer," she blinked back her tears, "When I'm gone, I hope you will be happy." She bent down and kissed her cheek, making the woman stir a bit on her sleep. "Good bye Mom."

Bare footed, Dara walked aimlessly with Tam - Tamie dangling on her right hand. Quiet, so quiet. The pale moon and its dim light, witnessing the petite girl on her pajama breaking down and losing her faith of life. And the rustling of the leafs when the wind made them dance, giving her a company as if telling the girl that she's not alone. But it's not being alone that killing her, it's the loneliness.

She wondered how many people would cry on her funeral. A bitter chuckle escaped from .

"Bom and her parents for sure, Seungri, Taeyang? I don't know. Seunghyun the big guy? No way. Daesung? Maybe he won't remember me at all and Jiyong?" she paused, her heart skipped a bit. Stupid. It's very stupid how her heart reacted each time she imagined his face.

"Should I go back?" she wishpered to herself.

'And get yourself in pain again?'

"I don't think so," she mumbled.

Dara walked and walked until she got tired of walking. Glancing around, she saw railway not far from the place she was standing. Her expression was cold when she stared at the parallel steel. Walking gingerly ,she stepped on them and laid down, bringing her plushy to her chest. Staring at the Moon and the starry night, Dara wished when she died she would join those twinkling stars and looked down at people, watching them when the night came. Then her Mom and Dad would admire her beauty because the stars were indeed so pretty.

"Tam - Tamie, do you think Mom and Dad will cry at my funeral later?" she whispered as she gazed at the dark sky. " Is it funny if I wish they will smile instead? I want to see them smile Tam - Tamie." No answers came out from her old friend Tam-Tamie and she wondered if the plushy could talk, would she scold her for being a weakling? But she just wanted to be happy. If the life couldn't give it to her, maybe the death would. A life, certainly, always comes to an end and she just made it come sooner.

Dara could feel the railway was trembling as the sound of the train's honk reached her ears and the blinding light swept the darkness. She tightened her hold on the plushy, hoping it would ease the massive pain that would soon hit her petite body. Holding her breath, she anticipated the severe pain to come. Shutting her eyes tightly as a single tears falling down from the corner of her eyes, Dara bit her lower lip, suppressing her fear.

'It won't hurt that much. The pain will eventually subsided and I'll be free. Forever.'

The train without having any idea about the girl lying on the railway approaching her, ready to crush and end up her misery. Giving her the peace she wanted.

"Grandma. I'm coming." she whispered as the deafaning honk was louder now. Indicating that the train was closer. Three, two meters and then ...

Something or rather someone grabbed her petite body and she could feel two solid arms wrapped her securely, rolling their collided bodies over, avoiding the merciless fast train to butcher her.

After few minutes, she fluttered her eyes open as she realized that she was inside a tight embrace, her head was burried on the man's chest who's panting hard. She could even hear his heart beat fast.

'No. I want to die. No I don't want to live. I'd rather die!'

<>She tried to wriggle free but the person tightened his hug, unwilling to let go. <>

"Let me go!" she yelled as she sat up, pushing the man with all her might but to no avail. Tears streaming down her cheeks. He unwrapped his arms but only to grab the girl's shoulders.

"Dara are you crazy?! What the hell is going on with you?!"

Hearing such a quiet familiar voice, Dara looked up as her blurry eyes caught the man's face, his frowning and his dark orbs. He looked so mad but she could also see the worried on his tender eyes.

"Jaejoong-ssi," she wishpered, as she stared at his eyes, searching for something.

" Why," she asked, her voice was nothing but a desperate sound of her breaking soul. "Why? Tell me why? Why do I have to live?! Why?!" she yelled, letting out all of the overwhelming pain. The boy just stayed silent as he slowly embraced the fragile girl and burried her face on his chest. "I just want to die Jaejoong-ssi. Please."

Jaejoong heaved a deep sigh as he pressed his lips together. "There are some people who are struggling so hard to live. And here you are willing to give up on your life for .... nothing." He then caressed her hair, and his touch somehow sent a warm feeling to her heart. Giving her a little message that she was being loved.

'Dara what happened to you?'

Jaejoong could only hug her as he rubbed the girl's back. Many thoughts twirling inside his head but he knew one thing for sure, she's hurt and suffering.

***

"Don't do that stupid thing again," Jaejoong looked straight to his front as he ride his bike with Dara silently sat behind his back, gripping the hem of his shirt. His blue jacket wrapped around her shoulders. Dara didn't want to go home although Jaejoong had insisted on taking her home. That's why now she ended up with him on his bike heading to whatever destination he wanted to.

Staring down at her feet, she moved her toes as she let Jaejoong's sentence seeped into her head. She didn't reply. What should she say anyway? Thank you for saving her life? Stop lecturing her? She could only let out a bitter smile. Even the death itself didn't accept her. It sent Kim Jaejoong to save her