Why is she ignoring me?

Why is she avoiding me again?

I need her the most right now, but where is she?

Am I not important to her anymore?

I thought we're working it out but why isnt she talking to me?

These were just a few of a hundred thoughts thats running through Jessica's head since that night she got drunk. She cant remember anything, anything that she had done or say for Taeyeon to treat her like this again, as if she doesnt exist on the blonde girl's world. Its happening again and Jessica doesnt like where it was going. She had tried sending Taeyeon all sort of sorry messages, tried calling her every hour and now thinking of asking her boss about her girlfriend not caring if the two might end up fighting because of her. Jessica needs to know what happened that night for Taeyeon to be like this again, acting as if she's a virus the older girl doesnt want be infected with.

When she woke up with a heavy hangover, Taeyeon was the one who helped her, cooked for her and made her feel better, yes, Jessica felt better knowing that her bestfriend was there with her and they were in the confines of Taeyeon's bedroom which she had dreamt for days when the blonde girl went away. Waking up inside that very room had already made Jessica felt better. With those four years, nothing had changed inside the room, there were still her and Taeyeon's picture glued on the walls and the teddy bear which Jessica gave to the blonde on her 18th birthday. The room holds so much memories and reminscing all of it for a good one hour, Jessica's hangover slightly lessened till her bestfriend came in with a bowl of porridge in hand. The blonde girl had feed her and Jessica felt that they hadnt been separated for so long, as if Taeyeon feeding her has been their daily routine, it was comfortable, relaxing and for some unexplainable reasons, Jessica felt right, complete and happy.

And she thought Taeyeon was too, so what happened? What happened that her bestfriend had decided to evade her again?

What did she do this time?

She dont know and she hate it not knowing so she dragged her feet to her boss' office and gave it a knock. Not really caring about what Tiffany will ask her as soon as she starts questioning her about Taeyeon. She doesnt really care.

No answer. She thought of knocking again but realized that maybe her boss is again burried in piles of paperworks and Tiffany wont hear her, something that Jessica gotten used to for working as her assistant for almost two years, so she did what she always do, push the door open knowing its not lock.

"Err Tiff, do you have a sec..cond?" Jessica croaked as she stared at two pairs of eyes staring back at her. She blinked once, twice and even did one more till she realized that the girl she badly wanted to talk to was there, just an office away from her and sitting beneath her boss' body. 

Jessica's eyebrow twitched a little bit at the view, Tiffany hovering onto Taeyeon's lap, her finger's entangled on the latter's hair while Taeyeon's hands carefully layed onto her boss' thighs. And by the looks of it, Jessica doesnt like it a bit, it just seem so wrong for her. It was hers. Tha lap that Tiffany sitting on right now belongs to her. Jessica claimed. How many times had she used that lap to sleep on? How many times had she sat on it whenever they watch a game in any of their houses that the living room was so filled with the two families, so she had to use Taeyeon as her chair? Its hers. Jessica owns Taeyeon so she didnt like to see someone not her sitting on her bestfriend's lap. Its just not right cause Taeyeon belongs to her.  Jessica had claimed again.

"Ohh hey Jung. Im sorry I forgot to lock the door." Tiffany said as she pushed herself off Taeyeon and sat next to her, her hand immediately found its way to the older girl's thigh, massaging it. "So what's up?"

"I-I just.." Jessica stuttered, the reason she had came inside the office was long gone seeing that the person she's so eager to ask about was there inside the office. "I just want to remind you about your meeting at 12:00 since it'll be lunch break now and Im going to have my break too." Jessica said, tearing her eyes off her bestfriend and settled it on her boss who stood up. "Ohh yeah I forgot about that lunch meeting. So I guess I need to go TaeTae." Tiffany leaned down and kissed her bestfriend and Jessica looked away, she doesnt want to see how Tiffany's lips came in contact to Taeyeon. For unknown reason she just doesnt want to see how sweet they were.

"You can stay here if you want, Im sure youre bored back at the house. Will you tour her around Jung?" Taeyeon was about to refuse but Jessica already nodded her head, Tiffany clapped and smiled at the two. "Great. I'll just see you later Tae."

"So uhh, you dont really need to tour me around, I'll just go home." Taeyeon said nervously before walking towards the door but Jessica stopped her by her wrist and locked the door behind her.

"What is it his time Tae?"

"I dont know what.."

"Youre ignoring me again." Taeyeon looked away, it was true she had been ignoring Jessica since that night happened. Cause after that night, Taeyeon cant stop thinking of having Jessica for herself again even though she knew that what had transpired between them that night wasnt really for her, still, Taeyeon was craving for more and it took a lot of her strength not to prance Jessica while she's feeding her the next morning. She had tried to be casual around Jessica that moning but it didnt helped. She had the night after that but it didnt sufficed her lust over her straight bestfriend who doesnt even know she's been taked advantage of. No, Jessica was too straight to think that maybe, maybe the reason Taeyeon was now ignoring her again was because they made out, that they made each other while their lips were connected in a hungry kiss and tongues were twirling inside their mouths. And ofcourse Taeyeon has no plan to tell that to her, she'd keep that secret till she goes back to Korea.

Jessica doesnt need to know.

"Im not."

"Tae.."

Silence. Hand still gripping tightly on the wrist. Eyes still questioning, searching, waiting.

"Look Sica, Im going back to Korea in days and I dont know if I'll come back again, I know I agreed when you said you want to know the new me but its not working, I can always hear your heavy sigh whenever I say Tiffany's name, I can tell that you cant still accept me as I am now. I saw the way your brows twitched when you saw Tiff and I earlier. You grimaced at us."

"No Im didnt."

"Yes you just did. I saw you. Lets face it Sica. Im gay and youre a homophobic girl. We cant be bestfriends again. We cant just anymore."

"I want you back in my life Taeyeon. Cause even if you already left me and still willing to leave me again for the second time. I still want you in my life. So please come back to me." Jessica had once again pleaded. She cant understand herself.

How can she want someone who clearly doesnt feel the same way about her?

How can she want someone in her life who doenst want to be in it anymore?

How can she still want someone who's willing to leave her again?

How? She doesnt know and she cant understand why she's like that, all she knows is that she needs Taeyeon back in her life.