"Why?" A girl who was laying flat on her back asked as she stared at the white ceiling of an apartment that doesnt belong to her.

A silent hum was her answer, it came from the girl beside her who just like her was boring a hole on that plain white ceiling.

"Why you dont do relationships?" The girl rephrased and was met by silence.

"Werent you tired of sleeping with different girls every other night?" She continued and the other girl just listened. "Its been two years, and that girl Ive met back then have changed, a lot. You've changed a lot Taeyeon."

Two years since Taeyeon had stepped her foot in Korea with the hopes that she'll get over her feelings towards her bestfriend. She promised herself that she'll only come back if her heart is already healed and Jessica doesnt own her heart anymore but to her luck, two years was nothing but misery. But in one point its also good, she had the job she ever wanted, working as a disc jockey in the most well-known bar in Korea that personally hired her back in America when she did one part time job at a friend's local bar, it was good but it was also excruciatingly lonely, being in a place where you know no one, no familiar faces to greet you hello and kiss you good night, more specifically no Jessica. She missed her bestfriend so much. Sometimes she thought if she did the right thing, leaving not only Jessica but also her family and her life back in America but everytime she thinks of seeing how happy Jessica is with her boyfriend, a loud Yes echoed inside her head.

She tried to meddle in, be in the hip and go with the flow, Taeyeon met a lot of people, a lot that she doesnt even remember their names. Every night was a party with alcohols and sounds hitting the roof, ofcourse it is, she works in a bar anyways so its actually her life now. She works hard, drinks hard and party hard. She became every girl's apple of the eye, the crowd's favorite, the one  who never refuses of a night filled with and alcohol. That's practically what Taeyeon's life had been for the past one and a half year. It was good but still lonely. Still lonely because there's no Jessica in it.

"Cause change is constant?" Taeyeon answered playfully that earned her a slap on her forearm.

"Taeyeon, Im serious here."

"And Im not?"

Taeyeon turned to her left and was met by her friend's glare. "Fine. Fine. I dont do relationship cause its a bull. Satisfied?"

"Not quite. You sound so bitter, were you cheated? Someone hurt you?"

"Why do you want to know all of a sudden?" Taeyeon stood up and the girl turned to her side with her head supported by one of her hand.

"Cause there are times that I thought I know you then there are times youre like a stranger to me. I want to know the real you."

Though everyone knows Taeyeon, the  insatiable Taeyeon, no one knows of her past other than she came from America, a Technical Engineering Graduate who was born to be a DJ. She never did let anyone know more than that. For Taeyeon, the lesser people know the easier they cut the connection. But one person had succeeded to get through her invinsible barrier and that's the girl who's comfortably lying on her bed. Theyve become friends on one of the times Taeyeon had accepted offers from the bar's different branches around the city. They dont even know each other's name but they talk the whole night after Taeyeon's shift, they clicked and the rest became history.

Taeyeon can even consider her as her new bestfriend but no.. She doesnt need any replacement for that. Only Jessica holds that title and even though they broke up, she wont call anyone that, its still Jessica's throne.

The girl knows a lot about Taeyeon except for that one particular part of her life that she doesnt really want to talk about to anyone. She never did actually even back in America, though her friends know, she rarely talks about it with them so there's no difference here in Korea, she thought.

Taeyeon looked back at the bed and shook her head wile waving her finger at the girl. "Does my past matters to you?"

"Nope, but in order to fully understand you I need to know what made you this." The girl stressed out the last world while pointing at Taeyeon from head to toe.

"Is there no other way? I mean, cant you try to understand me as I am right now?" 

"But Taeyeon.." The girl whine and sat up, crossing her arm. For almost two years of friendship, Taeyeon never shared that part of her life and thats what actually made the girl more intrigued about her. Taeyeon's a mystery, was what the girl always says whenever Taeyeon shrugs her shoulder at a question related to love and so on.

"Stop with that puppy eyes. Damn it. Fine, I'll tell you some of it." Defeated, Taeyeon sighed and sat back  on the bed, facing the girl. "To be honest I have never been in any relationship."

"Seriously?" The girl asked in disbelief. Taeyeon nodded and continued, "Ive been in love with only one girl for years and I kept all my feelings to myself because she's a committed woman. Ahh no.. no, she isnt married. She's just in a relationship with a guy and yes she's straight." Taeyeon clarrified when she saw the girl's face contorted in confusion.

"Why didnt you tell her?"

"So she could hate me? No thanks."

"See? There's the problem." The woman blurted out.

"What?"

"Youre too in love with that girl."

"And how did that became the problem?" The girl held Taeyeon's cheek and held it firm when the latter tried to avoid her gaze. "You never did let her go."

As if Taeyeon got burned with the girl's palm on her cheeks, she stood up and went out of the bedroom. The girl trailing behind her.

"So I am right huh? Youre too in love with her that you cant let yourself go on proper dates and be in a proper relationship cause if you did, you'll feel like you cheated on her. Thats what youre thinking right?" Taeyeon didnt asnwer. She took a bottle of beer and emptied it to the last drop.

"Thats not healthy you know."

"Ive drunk all kinds of alcohol already, this is nothing."

"I didnt meant the beer."

"Ohh." Was what Taeyeon can only mutter.

"You know, running all the way here didnt really solve your problem Taeyeon. You know deep inside you, it didnt help, you need to face your past before you can take a step forward."

"What if I dont want to?"

"Its up to you."

Taeyeon didnt answer and let the other girl wrap her arms around her. "You decide." a kiss was then placed on her cheeks before the girl left her apartment.

Taeyeon heaved a sigh then again took another bottle of beer and gulped it down to its last drop and as if the two bottles didnt sufficed her dry throat, she emptied all her beer bottles she had inside her fridge till she felt she was numb and went back to bed.

Decision wasnt really hard for Taeyeon, she can make decisions in a blink of an eye with all the possible consequences all thought out but when its Jessica-related, Taeyeon needs more time, probably a lifetime if you ask her..

Cause when its about her beloved bestfriend, she can never think straight.