When I woke up, everything was spinning around. My head hurt like a-

''You finally woke up!” a voice next to my said, while my hair lovingly.

''What, what happened?” I asked, trying to sit up straight, making the pain in my head worse.

''You were so wasted yesterday,” Jessica answered, handing me a glass of water, “It was such a mess, Nichkhun was pretty drunk too. Yuri almost hit him”.

Everything stopped spinning when I heard that last statement.

“Wait, what?! Yuri what?!”

Jessica looked at me blankly, “you seriously don’t remember anything?”

“No! Tell me what happened yesterday!” I roared, grabbing her by her shoulders.

She chuckled, “you were so funny at first,” she said, while leaning in to tug my hair behind my ear, “stumbling with your feet and talking non-sense. It was even cute, considering how strong your alcohol tolerance is. I had never seen you that drunk”.

I felt my cheeks burning from embarrassing.

“But after you walked in, Nichkhun was behind you. He said that you two had gone out for a drink and you had drank a little more that you should have, that was when Yuri stood up and started getting mad. She demanded him that he should have taken care of you and stuff. Sunny was trying to carry you to your room, but when you heard Yuri you immediately came back”.

I didn’t wait for her to keep talking, I groaned and buried my face on the pillow. The pain in my head wasn't helping, “did I say something to her?”

“Yeah…” Jessica trailed, trying to sound calm, but I knew her better, “you kind of asked her… why she was such a coward,” she whispered.

“Oh my God…”

“Nichkhun was still at the dorm at that time, so Sunny made you shut up. After that, Sooyoung and Hyoyeon helped him to get to his car and drove him back to his dorm. Yuri was mad and kept asking you why you had drank so much. We tried to stop her but she kept yelling”.

“Why would she act like that?” I asked, trying to remember at least a single thing.

“Maybe because it was you and Nichkhun alone…”

I sighed, Yuri confused me a lot, “I seriously don’t remember anything, I just remember being eating with him until an old lady came to our side and gave us a bottle of soju. We drank and then ordered more, but that’s it. I don’t even remember walking to his car or coming back to the dorm”.

My cellphone rang at that moment, with a text in it.

“What does it say?” I asked Jessica who was closer to my night stand where my cellphone was.

“Uh,” she mumbled, “it’s a text from Nichkhun,” she said and I wasn’t ready for drama. But I had to face it.

From: Nichkhun

“Morning, silly, I hope you’re already up. Yesterday was amazing, even though we got in trouble with your members. I hope we can meet again soon, we have some things to discuss.”

I sighed and rested my head on Jessica’s lap, “he says we have some things to discuss,” I whined, feeling my eyes getting tears.

“Next time, you better not drink that much! What if you kissed him or something? It would make everything even worse!”

A sense of deja vu surrounded me at Jessica’s words. I couldn’t be… I couldn’t…

“Oh, Gosh… Jessica…” I said, my eyes widening in horror.

“What?!” she yelled, waiting for an explanation.

“I-I… I don't know… I think… I think I kissed him…”

My heart ached at the thought of hurting him, because what I felt for him was clearly not what he thought. My heart already belonged to someone else.

*

“Are you okay?” Hyoyeon asked me as she stopped doing sit ups.

We were training at the gym but I couldn’t stop thinking about the night before.

It was such a mess.

“Yeah, I just… I don’t know… I thought I could start again as the old me, but somehow, seeing her with him made me so mad, it didn’t help at all that both of them were drunk…”

“Are you really complaining about it when you spent the whole afternoon with Ailee acting like nothing had happened?” Hyoyeon asked, getting up and walking towards me, “Yuri, you’re my friend, but I won’t let you be a selfish who wants everything to herself without attachments. If you love her, go get her, but if you don’t, you should let her find her own happiness. Maybe that guy is”.

I closed my eyes while listening to her. What she had said made a lot of sense, but why inside of me I still wanted to have both? It was a total mess.

“Are you sure you don’t want to give her a chance?”

I laughed sadly, “isn’t it a little too obvious who has she chosen already?”

Hyoyeon punched my arm playfully and chuckled, “keep training and shut up”.

*

“What am I gonna do?!” I asked while having lunch with Jessica.

“You gotta do what you gotta do, that’s it,” she answered casually.

''What if he asks me to be her girlfriend? What am I going to say?!”

“It isn't like it was the first time he does so. Just smile, take his hand and say no. You have done it sometimes before”.

I groaned, “You don’t understand! This is the first time I have kissed him. And it was me, I started the kiss!”

''You kissed Nichkhun?!” a third person entered to the kitchen while we were talking.

It was exactly what I didn’t want to happen.

''No!” I quickly answered, “I didn’t, you heard wrong!”

''But you just said it!” Sunny replied, taking a sit beside us, “and I thought the player one was Yuri…”

''Not helping here,” Jessica complained.

''I have to meet him in a while, we need to figure this out. I don’t want him to get the wrong idea”.

“And why is that?” Sunny asked, “He’s sweet and caring. And you’re single”.

''Yes, but… but… I just can’t be with him”.

Sunny chuckled and came closer to me, “This,” she said pointing to my heart, “is what you need to figure out, dear Tiffany”.

I didn’t need to ask, I clearly knew what she was talking about.

And it hurt not to know what to do.