▲▼ CHAPTER 15 // UNREQUITED LOVE (?)

I Wonder If You Hurt Like Me - 2AM

 

      Your chest heaved up and down furiously, beads of perspiration formed on your forehead as your clammy hands tightened on the bed sheet right beside you. You let out a muffled cry which then extending to a loud scream, howling your lungs out as the whole of your body shot up too from the mattress beneath you. Your whole body was covered with your own sweat as it trickled down to the sides of your face and your wide chest. Your vision was blurred, your head spinning literally. Before you could get a hold of yourself, the pale pink door slammed opened with full force as someone barged into it, rushing to your warm embrace. Anthea soothed your back, rubbing it gently as she wiped the sweats off your face. You couldn't get your mind straight, placing a palm on your chest hoping it will stop pumping wildly. The way Anthea's hands slowly rubbed your back comforted you as the panic and fear slowly faded away. She then rushed down to the kitchen to get a glass of water for you which then left you alone in the room. You were gasping for air, thinking about the nightmare that you had.

           Right after you fell into the deep hole that seemed to not have an end, two familiar faces came into the picture; so vivid and clear till it made you broke out in extreme cold sweats. Ilsung was right before you as his thick eyebrows and plump lips puckered in action. You saw how he beckoned you to come to his side using his palms, the side of his mouth twitched while his eyes were full of concern and worriedness. On the other hand, the previous guy from the café was there too. The bright light from the background contrasted his huge silhoutte as his eyebrows furrowed and his mouth tried to hide it's infamous smirk. Your mind was distrupted when Anthea ran through the open door with a clear cup filled with water and a long straw on her right hand. She held the cup for you as you sipped slowly into the straw. You tried to recover your mind, taking slow and steady breaths but it didn't helped at all. Your head was still slightly spinning, unable to focus onto the white wall ahead as you felt yourself wanting to puke so badly. Taking another sip and letting out a huge breath, you regained your own composure.

           Anthea who still had her hands behind your back was by now holding your sweaty and cold palms, rubbing it soothingly. The warmthness of her embrace when she wrapped her brittle arms around you made you feel much more comforted, you missed the feeling of having someone exchanging their warmth with you. Anthea had this motherly pose which reminded you of your long lost mother; her unbeatable sense of humour and wise thoughts definitely intrigued you and formed the impression of her as your godmother. "Thank you.." Was all that you managed to crack out from your hoarse voice. The beads of sweats formed on your wrinkly forehead slowly trickled down to the sides of your face as Anthea the air conditioner to a lower setting, placing your thick woolen blanket over your skinny legs. She gently held your shoulder blade, pushing you down to lie onto the soft mattress beneath you eventhough your body stiffen and fought over her grip. The cold air swept through the messy strands of your hair over your sweaty forehead as it circulated the air in the room. "Had a bad dream?" Anthea asked as her words were so soft and delicate that it made feel as if it glided through your skin like liquid and it was so addicting to hear at this point of hour. You closed your eyes shut for a moment, enduring the pain that your heart was bearing. A ball of fire burned in your heart as uncertain images started filling in, allowing you to perspire with fear. 

           Your breath hitched, remembering the darkness that filled your vision as your lungs tightened, your back falling down without having anything to crash onto. You nodded slowly, still grasping the ends of the bed sheet. You could still feel the gaping hole inside your heart, not knowing the reason why you were feeling that way. There was something so disturbing about the nightmare that seemed to force you to stay up all night, fearing for the impossibilities that might not and will not even happen in the time being. You laid down lifelessly on the mattress - too stiff to handle your delicate and skinny bones - blinking away and creating countless shapes on the plain white ceiling. You then converted your mind to something else, Ilsung. The image of the way he had his thick eyebrows in place and his plump, red, juicy lips that you once loved about puckered at you and his hands; as soft as feather beckoning you to come over to him. The adrenaline in you pumped, wanting to go over to his arms and slam your face into his chest, sniffing the cologne that he always had on himself before. But you were petrified.

           His slightly worried eyes that shone through the darkness and his innocent face that you once enjoyed to tease at turned into a menacing stare as the ends of his mouth twitched into a terrifying smirk. His eyes that once seemed gentle changed into fiery eyeballs, almost targeting and threatening you. Those eyes seem so familiar, too familiar till you could hear the vivid raspy growl he had at the back of your head. Your breath relaxed by itself, your eyes blinking desperately to not let the past pictures corrupt your mind. The night went on and on without you realising it as you tossed and turned around the whole bed, trying to entertain yourself with the different sounds you heard or even the stupidest thing such as playing with the ends of your bed sheet. Finally, your anger got the best out of you as you threw the bed sheet that was covering your legs off the mattress. You slipped on your fuzzy bed slippers, tying your greasy hair into a high messy bun. Looking out of the plain window pane, you saw the dark moonlight passing through it as the beautiful black sky overshadowed the beautiful cloudy night. You changed into your hoodie and jeans, steathily walking down the stairs and out the front door. The cool droplets of water fell gracefully on top of your hoodie as the minty atmosphere and the smell of wet grass filled in your nostrils. You trudged down near the familiar path, walking your way towards the lighted park. The cold wind swept through the sides of your face as you pulled your hoodie closer to your body. You closed your eyes tightly - not even feeling tired from the sleepless night - letting out a huge, immense relief. The voice from the back of your head hummed, calling you out and you could feel the his presence luring you in. The way he called your name was to die for, each word sliding off your skin so gently and moist.

           His honey-like voice can be heard again, biting your lips that were pressed tightly amongst each other. You can imagine vividly how his doe-like eyes stood out, looking into yours as he would place another palm behind your neck. But then your insticts shut you down, telling you to wake up. Your plams were clenched into a tight fists, your fingernails dugging deep into your milky skin. "Why are you bothering me?" You managed to squeak out. Then, another voice came into the picture. It was hers. The one that would always bother you in your sleep constantly, trying to remind you every single detail of your life that you once hated and detest. You can feel that she was much stronger now, her voice growling slightly under her breath.

           The ends of your eyes stung a little, imagining the image she had. You once had.

           Her nonchalant lashes flashed up to you as a tiny smile was formed. Her cheeks were chubby, same as yours, her nose was small and tiny yet adorable and lastly her apple-like lips were a vibrant red that popped out as they were puckered. The only difference was her jet black hair compared to yours, dyed into a slightly light brown highlights and a tint of brick-red. Next to her was him. His hair was jet black, cut into a bowl shape as it hid his huge forehead that you would about. Similar to hers, his vibrant red and plump puckered lips stood out from the whole milky skin and jet black hair. His nose was slightly larger but you loved them anyways. His eyes were round like buttons, almost looked as if they would pop out from his sockets.

           His fruity shampooed hair, his juicy red lips, his adorable little nose that pokes out, his skin that was so soft and gentle when you touched it made your heart race. Everything about him intrigued you. Just a single touch would sent endless electric volts around your whole body and you missed it. You really did. The way he wrapped his hands around her was so gentle, as he rubbed her skin smoothly using his forefingers. His long lashes that flashed up to look at her mesmerizing face was priceless as a small smile was tugged to the end of his mouth. Your eyes stung, the tears were b and threatening you that they'll fall to the cold ground but you didn't want to shed any of them. As he grazed his fingernails on her skin, you could feel the same grazing on your own skin. It felt so similar. You didn't fight back and instead you loved the way the feeling of it tickled your skin. His voice at the back of your head gave you a sense of remedy for your mind. You didn't want it to stop, you missed this feeling so much. You couldn't help but to smile when you sniffed the familiar scent again, slightly musky but there was a hint of floral undertone to it. It was just so familiar.

           You didn't want this to end, you loved the feeling of his touch onto your skin after so long. As much as you hated it as the nightmares haunted you, you could never stop dreaming about the delicate touches that he would give you. It was still so vivid after what seemed almost more than a week living without the one you thought was your other half. The cold droplets of water from the tree fell onto your cheeks as it jolted you awake to the reality. You saw his shadows leaving you further and further away. There was this strong magnetic force between you and him as you felt yourself being pulled to his direction, following to where he was going. You wanted to follow him, follow to wherever he was heading to. His soft melodic voice slowly disappeared as you could feel the hole inside your heart slowly expanding, showing the loneliness that you would suffer again. Scanning through the whole area, the lamp-posts planted on the ends of the curb were lighted and the place was vacant. Totally empty without having any soul around you. You shivered under your thin hoodie as cloudy white air came out from your mouth. The vacant area was so silent that it made you want to curl up into a ball, rocking yourself back and forth thinking about being alone. You rocked your body to and fro, trying to keep your mind into reality when you didn't even realise droplets of cold water rolled down your cheeks one by one. Your nose started becoming red and soon, your heart ached so badly. You wiped the tears away using your sleeves and inhaled a huge breath.

           The feeling that you've always hated came back. Everything was the same - the rocking of your curled body to and fro, your eyes that couldn't stop watering for even just a second, your cheeks that were starting to become dry after damping it with unwanted tears, your short and small sniffs in between those cries - but the feeling was completely different unlike before where you would feel countless hatredness towards him. Your tears dripped down slowly, bit by bit. Now did you realised how much you missed him. The person that you forbid yourself to call upon his name. No matter how much you denied that you could move on from this burning pain inside that he left you, the sweet memories that he left you couldn't be forgotten. It was hard but that's how life goes. The crystals from your eyes slowly dried up by itself as you realised the night was luring in. You pulled your hoodie further down to hide almost the half of your swollen face while you trudged back to the house.

           The house was pitch-black, Anthea might have continued sleeping while the silence was interrupted by the creaking staircase. You threw your lifeless body onto the mattress again as the blanket that engulfed your whole body felt like soft and fluffy white clouds. Your mind was still wide awake and so was your eyes. Your eyes wandered everywhere in the room, from the huge wooden wardrobe to the simple white pane window to occupy your empty mind. Letting out a huge sigh, you tossed and turned till what seemed almost like 10 minutes had passed. Your mind was getting worn out, your heartache was still pumping loudly and it just doesn't seem to feel right. Light tip taps on the window glass can be heard as it followed by a strong gushing wind, the clouds drifting in to turn the sky into a darker grey.

           The light sounds of the rain accompanied you through the whole bitter night, as the grey clouds were expressing the same emotion you were feeling then. Your eyes became droopy, light crystals that were b tried not to fall. As you closed your eyes, the last tear fell unwillingly with all it's might as the sounds of the rain was a lullaby for you to sleep in, hoping that the forbidden nightmares wouldn't scare you no more.

yay i'm back hehe

sorry to keep you guys waiting :c

will update more this week (i guess)

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