Yongguk’s POV
 

“Hyung!! Come down for breakfast!”

The screeching voice of the one and only Youngjae. Which I hated alot as my morning alarm. It reminded me of how this world revolved faster than I thought. I stretched and sat up on bed, scruffing my hair and tasting the sour alcohol backwash in my mouth. I must have drank a bit last night and morning already came to greet me. The days have been long lately and I dreaded it a lot. Not for some work I had to attend or complete. It was just the constant rambles of thoughts in my head about my father, the killer and… Julia. She remained in my head still, her images floating around like autumn leaves blown by the chilly wind of fall. She was not in my life anymore and I made it that way. I made her leave me and here I was, empty and void of her presence and her love. I was not smiling more since that day. I had been in the house all day and night giving punches to the boxing bag and seeking as much information as I could to hunt the killer. I tried to put aside Julia far in a small corner of my grey matter but she managed to pop up randomly just to kill me more inside. Was I cruel? I did not want to jeopardize our relationship and most importantly, I wanted her safe from anyone dangerous. But then I realized I lost her.

“What the hell are you doing there sitting like that Hyung? Come and have breakfast.”

Youngjae stood at the doorway with folded arms staring at me.

“Nothing… just sorting out my thoughts. I’ll be down soon.”

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“Jongup-ah, can you slow down before you choke and then we have to perform CPR to revive you?” Youngjae commented looking at how greedy and sloppily Jongup was gulfing down his food.

“Sorry but the bacon and hot dogs are too delicious,” he responded in a muffled voice with a mouth full of hot dogs. Zelo then smacked the back of his head and snickered at him. Yongguk smiled slightly amused by their antics.

“Anyway hyung, did you notice anything from the pictures of Himchan we took 2 days back? You better do, you don’t know how tough it was to not get caught!” Youngjae remarked sarcastically with a i’m-not-joking diva face. Yongguk pondered awhile trying to remember the images on his laptop. Himchan was always surrounded by his men when he was mobile and he was always in a coat or jacket looking very expensive with his gold Rolex watch and pointed snakeskin boots. His expression was always plain and cold, emphasizing his position as a reputable gang leader.

“I did… not notice anything because your shots are too far idiot. So do it properly the next time.”

“Next time? You do know I battled with life and death right? Not just me but Zelo too. Do have pity on that young kid, he’s got a full life ahead to have a huge family!” Youngjae sneered which prompted Zelo to throw his fries at him. Youngjae ducked while laughing.

The doorbell rang amidst the teases and jokes we were having. I was guessing who could have dropped by this early. It must be urgent in a way. Zelo wiped his hands and got up to welcome the visitor that I least expected that morning. It took Zelo quite awhile out there before I heard rushed light footsteps coming towards the dining table.

“Noona! Why are you here so early?”

The mouthful of fries that I was swallowing got stuck halfway as I looked up to see Julia standing .and staring at me. She still looked as petite as before and frail but her face was ashen and her eyes was puffy. She looked really forlorn as she stood there with a distraught expression. For a moment, my heart reached out to her. I really missed her and I wanted to just hug her tight and assure her I was still hers. But I stopped myself and instead I just got up, forcing the fries down my throat and walked away from the situation but she acted fast. She grabbed my wrist tight, signalling that she needed to say something to me badly.

“Hear me out please.”

I paused my steps as I released my arm from her grip. I tried to avoid having any eye contact with her because I did not want to be sentimental. I wanted to look like that tough guy who stood by what he said.

“Himchan oppa might be after you.. He kinda.. know about us and I’m just afraid he might do something-”

“So what do you want me to do?” I questioned her with a hostile voice as I turned around to face her.

“Let’s run away.. we should run away,” her thin voice cracked. She must be holding back her tears. It really tore my heart to hear her voice enveloped in sorrow but I was helpless. Somehow, my selfishness and ego dominated me and made me burst in rage.

“We? What do you mean by that? There’s nothing between us anymore!”

“Hyung, don’t shout at noona. I’m sure she’s just concerned about you,” Zelo interrupted.

“Yongguk, I just don’t want you to get hurt hurt by Himchan oppa. He-”

“Hurt? What does he care about pain when he is the top mafia leader in town?! That is why you should never find me again anymore get it?! Because I’m the mafia he hates!” I shouted at her. She jerked in shock at me raising my voice. That was my only time ever I raised my voice at her. I think I really made her surprised. But I could not withstand the emotions in my head. They were just begging me to make Julia stay away from me as far as she could. There was no way we can ever be apart from each other. That was the only way I could act so that she would hate me and leave me. It was for the both of us. From the corner of her eyes, tears started to stream down her face and she retracted back slowly and unsteadily.

“Noona, are you alright? Noona!” Youngjae stepped forward and held her by her arm to prevent her from falling. My heart was aching and was urging me to hold her but my head stopped me. I hated myself for being such a jerk. She stood there sobbing before she turned towards the door and left hastily. I wanted to run after her but my feet was rooted to the ground. I clenched my fist tight and shut my eyes tight in fury, regretting and hating myself for every single move that I did not make to handle the situation. I hated myself for not having the courage to be a man and protect her. I hated myself for succumbing to my weakness and avoiding reality. I was not even worthy of the love she had for me. I went into an angry fit and knocked off the vase nearby me as I walked out of the house in a huff.

The vase collapsed to the floor with a loud thump and shattered into fragments just like how the world I had with Julia was crushed in mere seconds.