Days passed. Yongguk and me did not meet and we did not even text or call each other since that day. Several times I tried to pick up the phone and call but my ego as a woman stopped me. I was desperate for answers yet I wanted Yongguk to call and tell me that he did not mean those words. I wanted him to come over and hold me in his arms, cuddling me and telling me that he would never leave me. I wanted him to put back the pieces of my world he crushed that day. I wanted him to mend every shards of my broken heart back to its beating form again. However, all those would not happen. I could only cry in my room, resigning myself to this fate.

“Julia, are you okay? What’s wrong?” Himchan’s gruff voice greeted the faint sobs coming from my throat. I wiped away my tears and tried to show a normal expression.

“Did something happen with you and Minji? You can tell oppa, I will try and help you.”

“No, it’s okay. Everything is fine...you don’t have to worry.”

“Really? But I heard you crying. Look, your eyes are red and puffy, your face looks flushed and you have not been going to work or having your meals. Is something wrong? Did you fight with Minji? Or did someone else made you unhappy? I need to know if something is bothering you. You should never keep it to yourself. You know you can always share anything-”

“Share anything? Really oppa?” I scoffed at his words. I did not know why I responded that way but most probably it was because he was probing too much it made me slightly annoyed and somehow jerked my sentiments’ radar that I just had to let it out.

“Why did you say that?”

“Why did I say that? You can answer that yourself. Oh maybe you can’t because you don’t realize or empathize my feelings.”

“I do care Julia. I’m your brother.” His tone became somewhat serious and less gruffy. It became sharp but deeper, as if showing he is the leader in the room.

“If you do, then at least you would be home everyday with me and spending time with me. At least I could share things with you. At least you would know how I feel. At least you know what I go through…”

He gave a long sigh, as if this topic was mundane and have been discussed repeatedly. “You know I’m busy with work and-”

“Work? I don’t even know what you are doing exactly. Up till now oppa. Till now, I’m clueless you know? I have no idea what job it is and YOU NEVER EVEN TELL ME ANYTHING!” I yelled at him. I was frustrated deep down of everything that happened between me and Yongguk but Himchan probed me at the wrong timing. Those words did linger in my head and were never meant to be yelled at him but it came out that way probably because I pent up my emotions. Right now, the lid of that bottled emotions had popped open releasing all the fizzy anger and frustrations bubbling inside.

Himchan was taken aback. His eyes became wide and his ears went red. He was bewildered. He did not expect me to shout like that at him. Moreover, he never thought of me questioning his life because he believed I only needed to know that he was the responsible brother that provided a house, food and necessities to me. Most importantly, he was the brother that tried his best to shower with me with love and care of a mother, a father and a brother towards me.

“Julia, you do know what you just said?”

“Yes I do. And I don’t think you would understand why I’m like this.”

He got up from my bed. “Something is wrong with you. Someone made you like this. And whoever that person is, young or old, I will hunt him down and make him pay for what he did. And you better not stop me. Understand?” His gaze was terrifying. It was the gaze where you could see a reflection of the wildfire ablaze in his chest and he wanted that fire to spread and be felt by the person he referred to. His fury could actually burn someone alive. He slammed the door hard as he exited my room.

The next moment, I knew I had to meet Yongguk.