The letter lingered in my mind as I made my way to Daehyun’s house in the late afternoon that day. I had an extreme urge to unravel its contents immediately and end all the whirling thoughts. I felt antsy and my footsteps sped up as fast as my heartbeat went. As I sunk deeper in thoughts, I realise that it was the first time Yongguk held my hand. His grip was not forceful, more of secure and sanguine at the same time. I was not intimidated by him. Instead, my heart wanted to reach out to him. To hear what he has to say. I was convinced he wanted to convey something.

Daehyun opened the door and jumped to hug me excitedly. “You’re here finally! I waited so long for you...”

“Sorry.. I got caught up at the bookstore.. well anyways, it’s celebration time isn’t it?” I quickly took out the cheesecake from the box and lit up the candles. I could see the delight reflected on Daehyun’s face upon seeing the cake. I sang him the birthday song and all the while, I could sense his eyes fixed on me and his smile looked euphoric. He blew the candles after a wish. His face was unusually beatific that day as he pinched a piece of the cake. “Wahhh the best cake ever!” My heart bloomed when he mentioned that. “Wait here okay, I’ll be back in 10 minutes!” he said abruptly and disappeared into his room. I was confused so I took a seat.

While waiting, I looked around and my eyes fell to the letter that was protruding from my bag. I grabbed it without hesitance and began opening it. My feelings compelled me to read the letter. I scanned the words etched on the paper with suspense as I unfolded it.

“To the girl I never knew but I want to live with, Julia,

I’m writing this on impulse of my feelings. I have never said more than a few sentences to anyone but there’s so much I want to say to you right now. Something in my heart drove me to write this but I’m unable to describe what it is.

I only know your name. It was enough to stir those feelings in my heart. It’s new but I’m not denying neither am I objecting it. I wanted to explore them. I kept wanting to be near you. You somehow pulled me without you trying to do anything.

I really became mad as I think of you everyday since the day I returned you your umbrella. I felt like you opened a door that was non-existent and you made me want to go in. It was as if there was light in the darkness. You even stepped into my house and cooked. No one ever cared to do that. The feelings swell further, it became unstoppable. My mouth wants to say the thoughts but my ego held me back. I’m really confused as to what I am feeling right now. My head hurts, it has too many images of you laughing, talking and smiling to me. To be honest, it seemed that we have a natural bond towards each other. I just cannot explain how. I’m getting crazier by the day. My heart is suffocating.

The least I can expect is that you understand what I say and that you feel what I am going through. I want to drive the craziness away. I want to breathe normally again and I want my head to stop hurting. For that, I need to see you. I need to see you at the cliff where the sunset always envelops the landscape. Can you?

Yongguk

I could not breathe at that moment. My heart was lifeless and I was at a loss of words. It seemed like time stopped ticking too. I glanced through the words on the letter again and after each word, my feelings loomed and grew. There was a drive for me to leave Daehyun’s house. It seemed like a voice in my head told me my feelings were real. I was still baffled, deciding what to do when Daehyun stepped out of his room with hands on his back while smiling at me. I took a glance at him and the clock on the wall before grabbing my bag, running against time and went with my feelings without hesitation, leaving Daehyun confused.