Dear Diary,

My name is Park Sang Hyun, better known as Cheondung from MBLAQ. I've became a singer thanks to my noona, Sandara Park for introducing Fin.K.L. concert performance to me and since then, I'm hooked to it and motivate myself to one day, become a singer too. Dream came true when my family decided to fly back to Korea after 11 years staying here in Philippines and since then, I've auditioned in various company but none of them accept me. I've decided to give my last try on LOEN Ent. Company and finally, I got selected to be a trainee. I thought of giving up everytime I failed my audition but Sandara noona keep on motivate me and cheer me up that I should not give up hope so easily and since then, those words stick close to me. It was very new here being a trainee in this company but nonetheless, it was fun too. I've made few close friends too! There's Lee Ji Eun who are cute and pretty and superb good vocal as well as guitar skill and then there's Sunggu, who are the same trainee just like me. We've done various covers that we all like such as Big Bang - Lies and Super Junior - Sorry Sorry and we all have lots of fun doing it. But sadly, I've to leave the company as I've received a message that Rain Sunbaenim accepted me as a member of MBLAQ and will debut soon, 15 days later. 

Life was pretty a mess here as I am still not familiar with the "hyung-dongsaeng" relationship and formalities. Just the first day of being a trainee here in JTune Camp, the leader, Yang Seungho whom I feared most took my training pants and I have to dance in jeans. Days got scarier when I still can't familiarize with the formalities that I should use and got scolded by Seungho hyung. Every single day I have to endure his death glare, his hot-tempered personalities as well as his cold stare and it freaks me out. I wanted to give up but Joonie hyung always encourage me everyday, teaches me how to dance diligently and hear my complaint every single morning in the convenient store. Days goes by quick and soon, we have our first performance in Rain sunbaenim's concert - Legend of Rainism. It was nerve-wrecking. I was nervous, honestly speaking. It was our group first performance and we have a slot for solo performance too! I sang Nsync - Gone and got pretty good reaction from the audience. Days become slightly better after our first debut stage - Oh Yeah and got pretty good applause and reaction from the fans who saw our performance in Rain sunbaenim's concert. We started filming our first variety show - Art of Seduction and life becoming better and better when I've finally able to get close with all the members, especially when Seungho hyung become closer to me since then. Although he may seems to be scary at times, but he somehow, treated me differently from the other member. I still not sure whether is my feeling, or just that I think too much. Nonetheless, I somehow, got attracted to Seungho hyung more and more.

I still remember clearly how each photoshoot or variety show, or even performances, Seungho hyung will always be there to support me and cheer me up to do better each day. I've a solo variety show known as Raising Idols by many. I was told to learn up Yoga from a sunsaenim named Nadia. She was friendly and willing to teach me all sorts of Yoga practice but one bad thing about her is that, she nag too much but nonetheless, I enjoyed her class pretty much. What makes me happy is that, out of all the members, Seungho hyung was the one who support me fully and wanting to learn up Yoga from me as well. Having him here beside me brighten up my days even more. It was when we are having schedule in Thailand, I've decided to conduct a Yoga class in the holtel room and Seungho hyung and other member was present there. I was having fun with him, teaching him how to do Yoga but somehow, it turned out to B-Boying later. It cracks me up alot watching him do Yoga. And then there's Mireu who can't do Yoga at all, decided to make fun of every move that I teached. Oh that simple minded maknae. I also remember how Seungho hyung decided to help me to gain weight and brought me to various places to eat good food. He teaches me how to enjoy the food and stuff my mouth full and stop me from talking while eating in order to gain weight. He told me he felt sorry that I always eat alone while the members eat together and wanted to repay all his guilt and started to take care of me more diligently. Maybe because of this, our relationship started to bloom. 

I wonder since when our relationship makes it to another level. Even in magazine photoshoot where the 5 of us was told to sit down on a chair and give a cool pose and I jokingly slide down my body onto the member's laps but I was greeted with a hug from Seungho hyung. That surprised me alot. And then there's another photoshoot that we are suppose to walk and smile playfully and the photographer will shoot our photos from the back but I was greeted by Seungho hyung's hand with my hand. Yup, we hold hands like all the other couple did. You think is common since the 5 of us are close to each other? Then tell me why only Seungho hyung and I hold hands while the rest of them just linking their arms on each other's shoulder? Impossible right? Then there's another filming just Seungho hyung and I together called Moon Night 90. This is hilarious but sweet. We are suppose to re-enact the scene of famous singers back in the olden days where it portrayed the strong bond of friendship between 2 friends and while at the break time, I was jokingly trying to tease Seungho hyung with my kissing lips but Seungho hyung somehow, got seduced by me and trying to lean close to close the gap between our mouth. I was shocked! That's why I turned away from him. If this is not called love, I wonder what is that then. Perhaps because of this, Seungho hyung probably can't get enough of me and wanting my lips more and more. Well, he succeeded though. We had our first "Accidental" kiss thanks to Joonie hyung and Mireu. The fans wanted pepero game between me and Seungho hyung and I thought it was okay since is just a game. Never did I know that Mireu and Joonie hyung pushed our head together and we somehow... Kiss. I was embarass of course but Seungho hyung seems to love it. I know how he feels though he never confess his feelings to me. He never will say "I Love You" to anyone before but I know, he love me, and so do I. Our relationship began already since the beginning just that we have not yet realize that. For 2 years we've been with each other and even though every day is tough and rough to us, as long as the 2 of us are together, we can achieve anything.

But life is just cruel. Beyond everything that I've ever imagine it will be. The most regretful thing that I've done and wish to erase it completely but I just know that I can't. I wish God grant me a chance to turn back the time... It was during MBLAQ anniversary party that I was prompted to taste beer. I'm not a drinker and I thought just a bit won't harm me much since is a big celebration. But never did I know that the more I drink, the more addictive it has become. All the staffs, the managers, and the members was worried about me, especially Seungho hyung, the one who worried about me the most. The celebration came to a halt and Seungho hyung was told by the manager to fetch me back home since I am not staying together with the members. Even without manager asking him to fetch me, I'm sure he will volunteer himself as well but then, I'm the one who insisted to drive instead of him. Seungho hyung began to panicked cause of all the members, he and Lee Joon hyung is a good drinker so there's no worries with him driving me off but I was stubborn, was headstrong. Perhaps because I drank too much, my attitude became a total mess. The last thing I remember, I was sitting behind the steering wheel and the car get faster and faster. Seungho hyung try to stop me and volunteer himself to drive but I ignore him and then, everything just went pitch black. Till the time I woke up, I was in the hospital ward and Seungho hyung was nowhere to be found. I woke up and fasten my pace to find Seungho hyung but was greeted by a nurse and was told that Seungho hyung was now in the emergency ward for a surgery. I hurriedly went over to the ward and greeted by a doctor. He told me Seungho hyung is fine and was now resting in another ward but the latter part, he didn't tell me what had really happened to him until when I saw him woke up, he scared me. Seungho hyung... can't recognize me anymore...

 .....LOST MEMORIES....