Jonghyun told me that I should prepare myself for the worst because it’s going to happen very soon. My husband is now on his death bed. I should be there with him in the room holding his hand, soothing him from his pain, instead I was simply staring at him by the door. My feet can’t seem to move. It was as if my feet were bolted tight to the floor where I am standing. Shin was standing next to me as he has finally cozied up to me and he was just staring at me.

“Are we going in? I want to see appa” he said, tugging my hand with his little ones.

I could only manage a nod and as we approach him, he turned to the door and saw us. He smiled. I was about to cry again but I kept it in.

“Appa doesn’t look good” Shin said, pausing a step behind. I guess Shin understands how dire Yonghwa’s condition is.

Gently I pulled Shin closer to Yonghwa. “Appa is trying his best to get better. Right Yong?” Yonghwa nodded.

“Hyun…” he called out. “…Surprised?”

I smiled. “Very…”

He asked for Shin to sit on his bed and I carried the boy to sit next to his father. “Hey S-shin…”

“Appa...” the little boy replied and smiled, showing a missing tooth right about at the center of his upper gum.

Yonghwa manage to nod. Shin brightly smiled.

I smiled but questions suddenly began to fill my mind. Right about that time Krystal and Minhyuk entered the room. Understanding the situation, they took Shin out to the cafeteria to let some space for me and Yonghwa.

“I-I know what you’re thinking” he said. I just noticed how almost inaudible his voice was. “I took him in when he was only a year old”

“I don’t mind if he was really yours Yong” I confessed. “The thing that minds me is the fact that you didn’t tell me anything about Shin”

“I told you I was giving you a surprise” he smiled. “Come sit. I’m gonna spill everything to you” I sat on a chair beside him. I really wish I could climb on bed next to him but the wires prevented me to do so. “His parents died in an accident”, he began. “His uncle took him in but he treated Shin badly. He got caught and Shin was sent to the orphanage my mom owns. That was how I met him.”

“Where did he live when you’re back here? Who was looking after him in Seattle?” I asked.

It turned out that it was a mighty long process for Yonghwa to adopt Shin. His abusive uncle refused to let Shin go. It was because he has his sight on Shin’s inheritance.

Yonghwa going to and fro from Seattle to Korea was to manage the adoption process and for his checkup (later chemotherapy).

“It was a long process to take him home but the day I found out that the cancer is back, Shin is finally mine”

It was the adoption process that took so long. He didn’t want to ruin the surprise if he can’t have Shin.

His cheeky smile returned; albeit the colors are fading. “You really thought I had a woman before you didn’t you?” After all the pain and hurt he has been through, he still teases me.

This time I didn’t hide my annoyance. “Yes I did” I said, “So will any other wives in this whole wide world”

He managed a soft chuckle. I ran my fingers through his hair and gave him a kiss on his forehead. I did question him once on why he didn’t lose his hair as much as the other patients are. It turned out that he did lose a lot of his hair during his first treatment. He stopped his treatment when he found out the cancer has spread and it is futile for chemo thus he didn’t lose as much; thus he manage to hide his illness from me.

“I love you, Jung Yonghwa” I said.

He closed his eyes as if taking in the words I have said. He smiled before he looks at me again, “I love you too… iguana”

Though his condition is nowhere near better, he still smiles a lot (occasionally throwing tantrums but that is expected), jokes a lot and he constantly wants Shin by his side.

“I want to spend the remaining days I have with my family. Too bad it’s kinda late doesn’t it?” he would say to everyone.

That one morning he seems to improve a little though he is still attached to the machines surrounding him. “I want to go out today” he said. “Hyun… let’s go out today”

When I told about his request to Jonghyun, he gave the approval almost immediately. “Let him have his way. It’s the least we can do”

Indeed the day was beautiful. We went to the park and we had a little picnic. It was a wonderful day after all that has happened and to me this seems like a dream come true. Shin was having a great time at the playground while Yonghwa and I watched from afar.

“I’m sorry we only get to go out like this now…when I’m dying” he said. There was a little bit of color on his cheek. He looks a little alive.

“Yong…” I said, grasping his hand. “You know I don’t like it when you say something like that”

He smiled. “You still can’t accept this Hyun