Despite his fits, I do notice his restlessness for these past few days. He would stare at the window for hours  and would ask him if something is bothering him but he would just smile and he keeps saying, "It's a surprise and I hope I can still make it for the reveal". I would tell him over and over that nothing can cheer me up; not even his silly surprises. The wedding was enough for a surprise of a lifetime. The only thing that could cheer me up is a miracle that Yonghwa is going to get better. That would take all miracles in the world for that to happen.

On the other hand, Minhyuk visits almost every day with such urgency in his expression. I wonder if Minhyuk knew about Yonghwa's surprise. I bet he does. But I don't want to pry. It is Yonghwa's last surprise for me anyway.

I know it’s not just me feeling the pain and hurt of losing someone. How do they handle this feeling? My eyes are tired of crying. By now I thought the tears will stop coming out, but they still do whenever I look at him.

“Joohyun…” my aunt called out to me. She has been coming to the mansion to help me look after Yonghwa but I know deep down she was worried about me; afraid that I might revert back to my old self; fencing myself away from everyone. “How long has it been since you last had a proper sleep?”

I smiled. “I can’t rest knowing Yonghwa is hurting”

“You know he’ll blame himself if something were to happen to you”

I think he sees how miserable I am inside. It was his idea to bring my auntie here with me. “So that someone can look after you” he would say. I went to his new bedroom; we prepared a new bedroom for Yonghwa downstairs so that it is easier if something happens. He was sleeping. I was tempted to climb on bed with him but the wires attached to him prevented me to do so. I really miss being close to him, feeling his warmth, his touch, his kisses and his slowly beating heart as he is sleeping. Again, tears threatened to fall.

I sat close to him, grabbing his pale and thinning hand in mine. I took a long look at it, taking in the moments when he brought me into his life, bringing me to life after so long hiding in the walls I built to protect myself from accepting people into my life. I kissed his hand thanking him for bringing me to life whilst he was losing his. “Why do you have to be so kind?” I cried.

He was too tired I think. He didn’t wake up to my crying. But that took me to panic until I notice that the heart monitor still indicat