The wait was almost as painful as the news. It must have been a whole day, maybe only a few hours. Nobody was keeping track. We simply stayed there, waiting for somebody to tell us what was going on.

The whole incident was all over the news. Some said it was an accident, a few others hinted on an assassination. Some were even talking about the incident being a result of a fight between two of the most powerful businessmen in the country. But none of the reporters can reach us. My mom made sure of that. Funny how at that time, the only thing I was thankful of was that we had our own hospital; and unlike in New York, the privacy it offered is parallel to an isolated island: unreachable by the population.

Dad was wheeled into the ICU after a few hours. The surgeon was saying something about broken ribs and lung punctures. It wasn’t serious, he said. But when vital organs were concerned, I knew it was more serious than they want us to believe. The expression on Mom’s face did not give me any hint as to how serious it was though. She was the only one who understood what was said but she refused to say anything more, other than that Dad is already out of the woods.

The wait on Uncle Teuk’s condition was more than painful. All throughout the waiting, I sat there, clenching Donghae’s hands in mine. Sometimes I feel his head drooping to my shoulders. But every time I try to fix his position, he jolts awake. After some time, my mom forced us to different rooms in the floor. We were in the presidential rooms and there weren’t much patients at that time. The doctors came out to tell us that the procedures were going to be longer than expected.

Apparently, Uncle Teuk had a seizure the same time or maybe after a huge wave came crashing on them. Dad was forced out of his ski, his whole body slamming onto Uncle’s jet ski. Just as soon as he came up for air, he saw Uncle going down, already unconscious. They managed to get those information out of my Dad before he lost consciousness. Mom was at his bedside, monitoring him herself. The surgeons guessed that the two of them may have been hit or slammed into the jet skis more than once or twice due to the internal bleeding that both have acquired. Dad had 4 broken ribs and a broken arm. Bruises and cuts were apparent on his face. He had chest tubes inserted on both lungs, draining blood and fluids. He had internal bleedings in various parts of his body, but I didn’t care. He was out of the woods. That’s what they said. That’s what matters.

Uncle was less fortunate. The surgeons told us that the may have happened even before the waves. Dad was awake during the accident and they figured he was able to protect his head from being hit. But Uncle must have been unconsciousness even before he was thrown off his ski. He had a hemorrhage and a ruptured aneurysm. Miraculously, they said, his body did not receive much beating. It appears as though he did not slam as often as expected into the skis or anything, resulting in less internal bleedings than my Dad. This would have been the good news. But bleeding in the brain was always more bad news than mere bleedings.

Brain surgery, they said, almost always took a lot of time, took a lot more caution. And so we were forced to wait. And wait. And wait.

I blinked my eyes a few times, taking in the white ceiling and the white walls. For a moment, I thought I was still in New York, asleep in Jay’s room.

I turned to see Donghae sleeping right beside me and everything came flooding back. It was then that I remembered that mom had told me to sleep in one of the vacant rooms, forcing Aunt Taeyeon and the others to do the same. Donghae had refused and told her that he would very much like to stay there and wait. I wanted to stay with him but my mom literally pushed me to the bed.

It took me a lot of effort to stop my hands from smoothening the lines on his forehead. Donghae needed to rest.

However, he stirred, his beautiful eyes opening to meet with mine. At first, it was as if we were the only two people that mattered. That we were the only two people who were there. And then I knew that everything that happened came back to him the moment his face hardened. And I long to take away the pain in his eyes. But I knew that I can’t.

“I thought you weren’t sleeping.” I touched his face lightly, trying to calm him down.

“Well, Aunt Tiffany threatened me with the tranquilizer gun. I didn’t have much of a choice.” He smiled bitterly and I knew that even if he slept, he did not rest.

“Was there any news?”

“Not that I’ve heard of.”

And we stayed silent for quite some time, looking at each other as if we would disappear at any moment.

I moved to lay my head on his chest. His arms came automatically around me, pulling me closer.

“Do you want to visit your dad?”

I knew that his question was more of politeness. It was sad how I can now visit mine while we still had no idea how his dad was doing.

“Do you want to come with me?”

“Yoona, I- I can’t.”

“I know. Then you know my answer.”

“But he might want to see you.”

“I checked with him before I slept. I told my brother to come get me the moment he wakes. I’m staying right here, with you, whether you like it or not.”

He did not speak for a while. I thought he was angry or something. But after a few seconds, his arms around me tightened.

“I need you. I know it’s selfish. I know Uncle Siwon needs you more. But I need you here. Please.”

“I know. I’m not going anywhere,” I said as I snuggled closer, bringing him closer to me.

I awoke to my brother’s gentle shaking. Donghae was sleeping beside me, his arms still around me like vines.

“Uncle’s out of the OR. He’s in the ICU,” he whispered before going out.

I gently shook Donghae and told him the news. When we went out, nobody was around. We asked one of the nurses and we were directed to one of the rooms.

Aunt Taeyeon and Dong Wook was already there. I let him go in alone, knowing that he needed this moment to be with his family.

I was waiting outside Dad’s room when it happened. Mom was inside his room almost all the time and at that moment, my brother and Dad’s brother, Uncle Suho, was too. All our relatives have been coming in for the last few hours, visiting my Dad.

I was sitting on one of the chairs with one of the Prime Minister’s grandson. The Prime Minister’s son was confined on the same floor at that time. The kid was listening to something, tapping his knuckles on the plastic chair.

I closed my eyes for a moment, already getting used to the slight knocking sounds the kid was making.

I was startled by my brother’s shouts. I jolted and was running to Dad’s room in seconds.

There were doctors and nurses everywhere. I saw Mom, Oppa and Uncle Suho huddled in one corner. I tried to reach them but I was knocked away by one of the nurses. They were wheeling in a contraption I had only seen in movies.

I didn’t know what was happening. One of the nurses ushered me outside and told me to stay there. Mom and the others were ushered outside as well. If it wasn’t for the clear windows of the room, everything would have remained a secret to me.

It was all a blur actually. I couldn’t see what they were doing. Everybody was moving too fast and I wasn’t at all familiar with what they were trying to do. Nurses were shouting here and there, doctors were barking out orders. I didn’t really get to make out the parts of the commotion. But I heard them all clearly. No. I heard him clearly. It was the single statement that stuck to me. I knew I wasn’t meant to hear it. If only I didn’t open the door an inch. If only I didn’t try to make out what was happening inside. If only I hadn’t heard that one statement that had given me nightmares for far too many nights.

“We’re losing him.”

If only I could turn back time.

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