"I- I needed, no, I used Eun Seo to get information about you. I needed to know how you were doing. I started to focus my energy on work," Donghae continued. We were sitting beside each other by the headboard. He was inches from me but his warmth radiates everywhere.

"I go to work in the morning. Eun Seo updates me during the day. And at night, I go home to an email. Your emails. You can say I was pretty much a stalker by that time. I craved for you."

I remained silent through everything. He loves me. All this time, he never stopped loving me.

"Then one day, you stopped writing. I was so worried about you I almost flew to where you were. The next day, I found out you were dating again. It hurt me so much I started drinking again. I was on my second night at the bar when you wrote again."

Tears were beginning to form in my eyes. Oh Donghae, my Donghae. I remember that 'letter' I wrote.

Oppa~

You're mad aren't you? You probably will be if you knew. I didn't like him. After our date. Not anymore. I thought I can start dating again. But I couldn’t look at those guys. All I thought about was you. I told them humbly that I haven’t moved on yet. They said they’ll help me move on. But I can see in their eyes that they only wanted to have with me. Who would book a room in your first date? I was so scared oppa. Good thing Jay was there. He grabbed me before we could even get on the elevator. You should have seen the look on his face. As soon as he saw Jay’s tattoos, he backed off. ^^

Oppa, how are you doing? I heard from Dong Wook-oppa that you’ve been going to the bar again. What’s wrong oppa? Please don’t think about me. I make you sad, don’t I? Haha. I am so full of myself. I still keep on believing you’re always thinking about me. Like I think about you. Keke. ^^ Is it Eun Seo? I’ve heard about the two of you. Did you get into a fight? I hope not. You deserve to be happy oppa. Both of us deserves to be. Take care of my cousin. Take care of yourself.

Apparently, still yours.

Yoong~

“I was happy. That you haven’t replaced me yet. But I was worried. Scared for you. Thankful to Jay. Frustrated that you think I’ve moved on from you. Mad that you started dating again. I was feeling all of these all at the same time. You get what I’m saying?” he turned and faced me. He held my face in both of his hands and looked at me intently. “I’m crazy. Literally crazy for you.”

“I wanted to go to you badly. But I knew I couldn’t. I shouldn’t. I figured that if you really did want me back, you’d try to contact me by then. You’d send those emails. But you didn’t,” he continued.

“Why didn’t you contact me?”

“I was scared. That you’d reject me.”

I asked myself, would I?

“I waited for your return that year. I heard New York was the last stop for your fashion show trip and that Yuri would be participating in it. I was getting ready for you, rehearsing all of the words I was meaning to say. Intent on getting you back the moment you step out of the plane. When I saw Yuri back at the company, I was shocked. Why was she back and you weren’t? Did they just not tell me that you were back? But that was impossible. Did something happen?” he stopped and looked at me, as if waiting for me to explain myself.

“I extended my contract.”

“Why did you?”

“I- I-“ I stuttered, looking for the words to subtly say it. “I didn’t know if I can face you again. I didn’t want to go back just yet,”

“I waited for you. I stopped myself from going to you, thinking that you’d be back if you wanted to,”

“I’m sorry.” Tears began to flow from my eyes. I couldn’t stop myself from crying. All this time, I thought he was the one who had forgotten easily, who had moved on immediately. All this time, I stopped myself from going back to the person I loved the most.

Upon seeing my tears, Donghae immediately enveloped me in his arms. “Hey. Please don’t cry. You know, this wasn’t how I envisioned our reunion to be like,” he chuckled.

I looked up at him and smiled. Here was the man I love. The one who didn’t let go of me.

“I don’t deserve you,” I said quietly.

“Yeah you don’t,” he joked. I lightly hit him in the arm.

I remembered my hallucinations of him.

“When did you get here anyway?” I asked.

“Uh, I arrived two days ago, around six in the morning.”

“Were you at Times Square? Or anywhere near it?”

He avoided my eyes and said, “I may have been.”

“Yah! I wasn’t hallucinating was I? You really were the one I saw at the streets and at the bar,” I exclaimed.

“Why? Did you think I was a ghost?” he chuckled.

I laughed and hugged him tightly, “No. I’m just glad you’re not.”

“I just needed to see you. When I found out you weren’t coming home again, I got depressed. But I went back to my routine. I kept on believing that one of those days, you’d just come back. But then I heard you were on tour again. And the months just went by. I was on the verge of insanity. Then you stopped writing your e-mails. I found out from Eun Seo that you were seen going out with a guy. When I heard that, I didn’t know what got over me. The next thing I knew, I was booking my flight,”

I didn’t know what to feel. I was bursting with emotions. I smiled and remembered one other thing, “The flowers. It was you wasn’t it?”

“Flowers? What flowers?”

“That- Never mind.” I looked up at him and admired his face. He can deny all he want. It doesn’t matter.

“The emails. You wrote every day and yet you never sent one of them to me,”

“I too wanted to connect with you. But I just can’t. I was so afraid that if I start talking to you again, all those effort I spent just to move on from you will go to waste,”

“You weren’t even concerned about me,” he pouted.

“I was. I am. As if you hadn’t read my letters,” I scoffed. “It’s just that, all this time, I thought you had moved on. That you had another person at your side now. The day after I heard about you and Eun Seo, I stopped asking about you. I stopped waiting for news about you. I didn’t know it would hurt me that badly. The only time I ever heard about you is from yours and my brother. Both of them were always so worried about you,”

“I know. I owe them both so much. They were always there to stop me before I do something stupid.”

“Like sleeping with girls?”

“That’s not a stupid deed,” he smirked.

“Yah!” I frowned at him. “So you really did sleep with other girls?! And here I was thinking you were oh so loyal to me,”

“Have you slept with other guys than me?”

“No!” I exclaimed frustratingly.

Donghae grinned at me and bent down, “My last one was with you.”

I was momentarily confused with what he said. Then it sank on me. 2 years. We were both saving ourselves for each other for almost 2 years.

I laughed, “You liar.” But I knew he was telling the truth. He wasn’t the one to joke about these kinds of things.

“It’s true. My little Donghae’s getting bored training by himself.”

“Donghae!” I covered my face in embarrassment. “You don’t talk like that to girls!”

“I thought we were being honest here,” he chuckled.

“Not to that extent!”

“But I like teasing you like this,” he said. He leaned over my ears and whispered, “And in other ways I know you missed.”

When I looked up at him, he was grinning widely. “Yah!” I covered my face again, hiding the pink in my cheeks.

He lowered me back to the bed gently and said, “Let’s go back to where we left off, shall we?”

“You are such a ert!” I said laughing while trying to push him away.

Neither of us needs to explain what just happened, what was going to happen next and what we were from that moment on. What both of us knew was that, we were back to the arms of the one we love. Our happiness, our other half, our life was complete again. No words can explain the feeling we had at that time when we realized none of us can live without each other. That the past few months were pure torture to our hearts. That the past few months were like a test of time. And that the next years, we knew we couldn’t live separated.

“I missed you. So much,” he said while poised above me. He leaned down and kissed me on the nose.

“You have no idea how much I missed you,” I answered, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him down. “I love you. More than you know.”

He smiled and leaned down. “Life was hell without you. And I’m never going through that again. I love you more than you can imagine.”

Soon, his lips were on mine once again. And this time, neither of us held back.

I'll be off civilization for a while guys. I'll be back for updates. But please do comment. I love reading about what you think. Please tell me what you think. :P Hihi.